


Ribs

by catthedoodlecatcher



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Disaster Gays, F/F, Gay Space Rocks, Modern AU, They are so in love, Useless Lesbians, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23430091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catthedoodlecatcher/pseuds/catthedoodlecatcher
Summary: Things that Lapis is bad at: A Comprehensive Guide- Flirting with cute girls.- Maths.Things that Lapis is good at: A Comprehensive Guide- Being tackled by cute girls.- The Macarena.OR Lapis and Peridot are disaster gays and need all the help in order to admit they like each other.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), lapidot
Comments: 114
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so Steven Universe Future just ended and my heart is sad. So here's some self-indulgent fan fiction. There will probably be regular as heck updates because I am insanely bored and have no self-control. 
> 
> Also yes this fic is named after the Lorde song. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Lapis is bad at sports.

Well, okay, Lapis is bad at putting _effort_ into sports. She’s actually pretty athletically built (long gangly limbs and broad shoulders). But when there are more than four people on a team who needs it? Just putting in way more effort to achieve a victory that ultimately means nothing unless you’re in a league. Surfing is the one exception, simply because it’s a solo endeavor. You do it for yourself, and Lapis thinks that’s far more freeing than being part of a team.

But Lapis is not bad at watching sports. Particularly: volleyball.

Living near a beach has its perks and being able to see her college team play volleyball every weekend in the morning is one of her favorite things because. It’s almost like she has friends, y’know? And this morning is no different. Lapis is making coffee 9gotta get that caffeine) and getting ready to meet her familiar window view of jock girls lobbing a beach ball to and fro. And when she looks out the window, it’s the same gorgeous view. A road of sandy plain with a beautiful glimmering violet ocean, accentuated with (obnoxiously loud and playful) collage kids. But as Lapis’ eyes adjust to the sunlight that is streaking into her window she notices a new face in the crowd of Universe-City Team players heading down in a cluster to the volleyball location.

A new girl. Short (around 5ft maybe?). Gangly limbs compared to her tiny body and a head of out-of-control blonde tufts. She looks like a little blonde explosion of girl and…. she’s _really_ cute. Lapis feels her face flush with embarrassment. Shaking her head to get rid of the creepy thought she tries to look at the other kids on the team too, but her eyes can’t help but avert back to the blonde explosion of hair on that girls head. _Does she ever comb it? How will she even seen when she jumps up and it flies all over her face?_

Shaking her head for the second time, Lapis giggles to herself with even more embarrassment. She shouldn’t be staring at the team full stop. She _definitely_ should not be staring at…that dweeb.

She finishes her coffee and washes the mug, taking her eyes away from the window. She has better stuff to do.

-

Okay, so Lapis is good at watching sports but it’s much harder now that blonde haired girl has joined the Universe Volleyball Team and lobbed her way into Lapis’ visual enjoyment of the game 24/7. And it’s nearing surfing season. Lapis actually has to go and brave being seen by her soon. She seriously hopes, as she stares out the window (as she has been doing for the past few weeks) that the girl does not recognize her from campus. It would be even more embarrassing to have to talk to someone knowing that ‘ _by the way I’ve been creepily staring at you for the past few weekends because your hair was bugging me’_ was tagged on silently to the end of every damn sentence.

It’s a new Saturday morning. Lapis sips her coffee until she hears a loud knock on the door that promptly causes caffeine spit spray. Her whole face flushes with excitement. She knows who it is.

“Coming!”

A letterbox is being opened. A voice leaks through.

“Lapis? Lapis!! I just got a new haircut!! Wanna go surfing now, show them what we’ve got?”

Lapis feels the corners of her mouth twitch up, and she pads over to unleash the door. Standing on the front step of her beach house is her best friend: Pearl.

(Yes, it’s a coincidence that they’re both named after gemstones and yes, Lapis loves it.)

Her hair is freshly dyed pink, and this time the hue is extremely pastel. Admittedly it suits her beautifully. Her long slender legs are clad in a wetsuit that is slightly too small for her (it hugs her body a little too aggressively) but the grin on her face is what makes Lapis’ heart melt. She may not have many college friends, but Pearl shines so bright she doesn’t need them.

“Hey Pearl”

“Well?” an expectant smile. A cheeky glint in Pearl’s huge blue eyes.

“Duh, of course I’m down to surf. Lemme grab my board”.

Pearl winks dorkily and finger guns her.

“That’s my girl”.

-

They walk down the dusty sand trail, leading directly to the beach. Lapis is wearing her white blowy sundress with a strategic blue bikini underneath.

“I can’t believe you surf in that thing, aren’t you scared it’s gonna fall off?”

Lapis snorts, a grin breaking over her face that she can’t quite control. The days in the week when Pearl is busy with classes suck. They barely spend any time together and Lapis’ heart aches a ton. But here in the sunny haze of the weekend, they get to hang out for every second of Saturday and even Pearl’s mum attitude can’t bring her down.

Tugging on the sleeve of Pearl’s wetsuit (also pink) she uses her height to tower over the smaller girl.

“What you gonna do about it, _Pinkie_?”

Pearl shoves her off and giggles wildly as Laps chases her all the way down to the open beach. Lapis lets go of the chase the minute they step onto the open sand, yanks off her white dress and runs for the ocean, leaving Pearl behind to flush angrily and yell pseudo insults after her. She loves the closeness of their friendship. She loves that Pearl understands her humor.

But Lapis needs that ocean on her skin _now._ She needs the adrenaline and the joy and the smell of the ocean _now._ She hurtles down the beach, feels the wind in her hair and almost flies into the water until a thud so forceful it throws her to the ground jerks her body into a grinding halt.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god I’m so sorry fuck fuck fuck”

The voice swims in her head. Is that…Pearl?

“Can you hear me? Say something!! Agh..Amethyst call 911 she’s not responding..FUCK”

Lapis rolls onto her front and opens her eyes, wincing at the pain. A blonde haired girl focuses into view. Her eyes are vivid green. Her face is contorted into the epitome of worry. Her hair is…tufty?

And it hits her like a storm. She sits bolt upright, and knocks their heads together.

“OW!! Okay what was THAT for?!”

“Shoot”, Lapis winces in pain and flushes with embarrassment, her head throbbing violently, “I’m so sorry I just…I panicked”

The other girl winces too, but offers a hand to Lapis anyway. She takes it, and is pulled up (for such skinny limbs the girl is pretty strong.).

And Lapis finally gets a full view of her.

Tufty blonde girl has beautiful green eyes, the color of emerald. They shine so vividly it’s kind of blinding. Her skin is a soft pale white and her lips are chapped, as if she’s been chewing them. Her ears are noticeably not pierced but she has a small gold nose-ring, which brings out the slimness of her nose. Her body is slender and firm. She smells like sun cream and sweat,

“Hello? Are you alight?”

And just like that, Lapis snaps out of her funk. “Yeah”, she smiles, “I am! I’m so sorry I sat up that quickly um..are you alright too?”

Tufty smiles at her, and it might be the coolest thing Laps has ever seen. “Sure thing. I play volleyball here, I’ve seen much worse”. She glances over to her team, who are all… _oh god they’re all staring at her._

Opting to leave this part of the beach as soon as possible to find a less populated section, Lapis shakes the girls’ hand again and lets go. “Well, thank you for checking I was okay and..y’know..being nice about it. I swear I’m not usually that clumsy”.

“Nah it’s okay, honestly it was me too, I should’ve been looking where I was running. My name is Peridot by the way, what’s yours?”

Lapis snorts.

“What?! What you think my name is weird? My mum just really likes the Peridot gem okay it’s not-“

“No no!” Lapis continues to giggle. “No it’s just. My name is Lapis! My friends call me Lapis Lazuli as a joke because I was named after the gem too. And that’s my friend Pearl behind us”. She turns and points to Pearl, who is staring at them from the edge of the beach looking concerned and mum-esque.

Peridot grins wide. It makes Lapis feel extremely cool.

“That’s a pretty cool coincidence, don’t you think? See you around then, Lazuli”. She turns and runs back to her team. Lapis watches her do the dorkiest run she has ever seen for a minute before realizing-

“It’s Lapis! Not Lazuli!”

But a giggle is her only answer.

She suddenly feels a hand on her shoulder A gently smell of rose wafting into her senses. “Hey, are you hurt? That girl ran straight into you!”.

Squeezing her friend’s concerned hand, Lapis smiles reassuringly and starts to lead her to a less packed part of the beach.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine”. 


	2. Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis isn't a party gal, gemstone names are apparently common as heck and Pearl is not really a voice of reason. Peridot *inadvertently* pops the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less than 24 hours later? You bet your ass it is!
> 
> Okay for real though the chapters (probably) won't actually be updated this regularly. It'll more likely be every other day but I just felt like writing more and here we are. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, see you down below in the end notes!

It’s Monday, and boy is that phrase blue Monday appropriate for Lapis. There’s something about having to go to class and have debates with people she’s never had an otherwise conversation with that does her head in. She really isn’t the biggest people person, even though she kind of wishes she was sometimes. It would be nice to be able to crack a joke and have her debate team laugh a little, or to just boldly raise her hand in class to ask one of the many questions she has on literally every topic. Studying film is far more intense than she expected it to be.

But it’s okay. As Lapis sits in LH Campus Café sipping coffee and doodling, she feels a sense of calm wash over her.

“Yo, dude, your name is Lapis right?”

Looking up from her notepad, Lapis’ face contorts into a frown. She does not know this girl, but she’s seen her somewhere before. She’s a curvy build with long purple hair and a cute squidgy nose.

“…yeah.”

The girl smiles and it reaches both sides of her face.

“Hiya Lapis, I was just wondering if I could ask you a quick favour okay?”

“Sure”

“Do you know my friend Peridot?”

Lapis blinks. Does she… _know_ Peridot? She supposes that that brief encounter on the beach where they smashed heads doesn’t exactly count. Her heart rate speeds up just thinking about it. She can smell sun cream again.

“Not really. I met her once…why?”

The girl sits down opposite her and raises her eyebrows suggestively. Lapis is bemused. Seeing that her expressions are lost on her, the girl simply sighs quickly and comes out with it.

“Well she noticed your surfing and…okay this sounds so weird now I know you don’t know her but she was wondering if you wanted to join our volleyball team?”

Lapis almost (almost) spits out her coffee.

“I’m sorry. What?”

The girl giggles in a vaguely obnoxious way, but it’s sort of endearing. “Yeah, look, I know its kind of out of the blue”, she points quickly to Lapis’ navy hair, “but we’re having a party tonight in the Blue Bar. Why don’t you just come along and check it out for yourself, get to know the team a bit. What do you say?”

Lapis twiddles with her pencil. “Um, I mean…parties aren’t exactly my thing.”

The girl nods reassuringly but smiles nonetheless. “Well, if you change your mind I’d really like to see you there. I’m sure Peridot would too”. She stands up and places her hands on her hips, as if congratulating herself for having done a good job. “Name’s Amy by the way, but my friends call me Amethyst. See you around, Lapis”.

The girl, Amy, saunters away, leaving Lapis speechless. Was every girl around here either named after or nicknamed after a friggin gemstone? And..Why the fuck had that girl Peridot invited her _through a friend_ to join a volleyball team. What even _was she thinking_?

-

“No _way_! Lapis, you have to go!”

Lapis bites her lip. She knew phoning Pearl was a bad idea. She’s sitting on her bed and staring at the ceiling. She had bunked the rest of her classes for the day in order to stress about the current situation, and phoning Pearl, the voice of reason, had seemed like a good idea. Until now.

“It’s not that simple. I don’t do team sports”.

“But Lapis you’ve never actually done one before. You don’t know till you try.”

Lapis sighs dramatically.

“Come on”, Pearl continues softly, “at least go to the party”.

“Come with?”

“I mean. I have a lot of work to do…”

Lapis bites down further on her lip. She uses her best convincing voice.

“Please? You can bring some of your friends too, so it’s not just me you’re doing it for”

She can feel the classic small smile Pearl forms when she’s being slightly irresponsible vibrating down the line.

“Okay, you win. I’ll come with you, and I’ll bring friends, but you have to promise me something in return”.

“What?”

“You talk to that blonde girl. The one who invited you via the other girl…what was her name…Amy? You have to talk to either of them. Okay?”

A sigh of relief. A spreading warm feeling of anticipation in her chest.

“Okay”

“Good, I’ll knock for you at seven. Wear something other than your beach sundress. See you later!”

And just like that, Lapis is going to her first university party. It may be second year, but it’s still something.

Lifting herself off of the bed, she shakes her head and giggles a little pathetically to herself. It’s 4pm. She’s got a while to get ready.

PERIDOT

Standing in front of the mirror, she checks her wild blonde hair is at least tamed to the maximum of her control. Her cheeks are flushed pink with nerves. Her glasses…need to be replaced with contacts. She needs to look good tonight.

She scoffs internally. _For what reason?_ She knows Lapis, that surfer with the blue hair, is probably way too cool to join her volleyball team. It’s not that she expects it.

It’s that she wants it so badly.

She saw the way that girl controlled her balance on the ocean waves. Her from was perfect. Her concentration was immaculate. Her hair was wavy and free. Peridot had to be told several times to stop staring at her. She couldn’t exactly explain it, okay? She just knew she’d be good at volleyball. And admittedly she wanted to meet her.

What? A girl can dream, okay? Being friends with someone that aloof, that _edgy,_ is probably never going to happen for Peridot. As much as she tries to be cool and quirky, she knows her height and scraggy hair are enough to label her ‘dweeb’.

She sighs, flipping on her favourite yellow sundress and white sandals.

She then changes her mind, opting for a yellow tank top and shorts instead. It’s a party, she reminds herself, not a wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peridot is flustered but she doesn't know why yet...aww ;) 
> 
> Also I know this is totally useless information but in my head this version of Pearl 100% listens to The Smiths and has a cropped denim jacket FYI. *I love her*.
> 
> I really hope you all are enjoying this fic so far, thank you for all the hits bless your lil souls!! 
> 
> Stick around for part three xx


	3. Future Me Hates Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Pearl's music taste is vindicated, Pearl is a God-tier friend, Amethyst is perhaps the worst (and best) wing-woman ever and Lapis makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back kids, here's the latest update in this ballin' adventure!
> 
> For real though I'm so glad you're all liking it, it makes me super happy and gives me something to look forward to. I'm also going to start listing the songs I write each chapter to at the end so if you're curious about the vibe about each chapter you can have a lil jam.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this latest instalment, see you in the end notes!

Okay, so admittedly Lapis maybe should have listened to pearl and not worn her white, blowy sundress to an indoors bar party. Additionally, she should have listened when Pearl told her to bring a coat instead of her cropped denim jacket. Furthermore, she should _definitely_ have listened when Pearl introduced her to her friends and they gave her their names. She can’t remember them to save her life, and it’s starting to become a problem whenever she wants to try and be polite and initiate interaction.

They’re all walking down the main campus road in a little huddle. Glancing left and right, teaching buildings can be seen in lamp lit evening glow and there are trees absolutely everywhere. It is utterly silent bar Pearl talking animatedly about her new sewing project: a headband.

“Who’s it even for? I’ve never seen you wear a headband”, Lapis asks, trying to avoid complete embarrassment.

“Oh..”, Pearl’s face colours a little, “I guess I don’t really know yet. I think I will once it’s done”.

Friend number one snickers good-naturedly. “You always were a sucker for handmade tokens of affection, who’s the girl Pearl?”

She’s completely red in the face now. It’s seriously endearing (and hilarious, but Lapis feels a little bad for thinking that). “Well…I mean…why do you assume it’s a girl anyway, Garnet?”

The tall girl with gorgeous dark brown skin and sleek black hair ( _Garnet? As in…Garnet? For heaven’s sakes!!)_ snorts good-naturedly for the second time, a small smile overtaking her otherwise intimidating face. “Pearl, don’t take this the wrong way but as soon as I met you I kind of had a hunch.”

Pearl’s other friend grins. “Yeah, exactly. Look, not to name names but it was pretty obvious first year who _you_ had a crush on”.

Lapis giggles. She assumes they’re talking about someone she hasn’t met before, but it sounds a lot like Pearl.

“Well, maybe I’m not subtle but being emotionally open is good for the soul”

“Spoken like a true mum”,

“Oh hush up Lapis. Anyway, this is it isn’t it?”

They’re standing outside Blue bar. It’s a weird little place, not attached to any other teaching building on the street and built with what looks to be polished wood. Despite the campus being fairly old, there is something eerily modern about it, possibly linked to the fancy glass doors and heightened ceilings. Lapis feels a pulsing in her fingertips as the music from inside reaches her ears. She thinks she can hear one of her favourite artists: The Smiths. Pearl bonces on her feet excitedly (the way she specially reserves for when The Smiths are playing in any location). Garnet and mystery girl watch on with quiet amusement.

_It’s go time girl,_ Lapis thinks to herself. _This is your chance to make some new friends._

-

“Wow, you are worse at this than I thought”

“Shut up Amethyst”

“Like…I knew your tolerance was low but _P-Dot_ this is bad!”

“Shut _up_ Amethyst”

“I guess just goes to show you’ll do anything to try and win, even if you know you don’t have shot”

Peridot’s head is sloshing. Her face is uncomfortably warm. Her limbs are weirdly slinky. “Amy, for the last time, I lost. You won. You’re better at drinking. End of story, okay?”

Amy smiles a full blown cheek-to-cheek Amy smile and winks. “Just checkin”.

Peridot flicks her eyes across the room. She’s not looking for that girl (the one with the blue hair and the gangly limbs and the shapely ankles). She’s not trying to be creepy. But she spots her in the corner of the room, with a pink haired lady at her side.

Peridot violently taps Amy’s shoulder. “D’you think that’s her girlfriend?”

“Dude, who are you talking about?”

Amy scans the room and eventually finds what Peridot’s gaze is fixed on. Two tall, slim girls are huddled together in the right hand corner and the pink haired one is touching the blue haired one’s jacket.

“I don’t think so. Pink one seems more like a mother figure to me”. She glances sideways at Peridot. “What would you care anyway, Peri…you seem unusually _interested_ if you know what I’m sayin’”

Snakebite is sprayed across the floor in front of them.

“ _AMETHYST”_

Amy can’t stop the fits of laughter racking her body, and has to bend over to stop herself crying tears of mirth.

-

“Do you think Amy and Peridot are dating?”

“Which one is Amy again?”

Lapis pointes across the room quickly and subtly, not wanting to draw attention to herself. Pearl squints in thought.

“Not sure I would say so. Seems like a sibling dynamic to me.”

Lapis’ hands are shaking with nerves. There are bodies, tones of bodies, in much to close proximity for her liking. Garnet and mystery girl have vanished to who knows where. Pearl is trying to keep Lapis from spilling her drink. Lapis is trying to keep Lapis from throwing her drink across the floor and running away from the whole place ASAP.

“Look”, Pearl places a hand on Lapis’ ‘The Smiths’ patch on her denim jacket, “I know this isn’t exactly your comfort zone. Would you believe it, it’s not really mine either. But I came because I really think you’d do well with some new friends Lap. Those girls, they may look intimidating but they asked you to be here. There was a reason for that, okay?”

Lapis closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, an breathes out. She allows herself a small smile.

“Good”, Pearl affirms, squeezing her shoulder. “Go talk to Amy. I’ll be in here somewhere with Garnet and-“

The music blares particularly loudly over mystery girls’ still undiscovered name, and just like that, Pearl has vanished.

But Pearl’s right. Pearl is always right. Lapis walks over to the bar. She spots them, Amy and Peridot, side by side on bar stools to the left of the counter, and boldly sits on the empty one beside none other than Peridot herself.

There is absolutely no reaction from Peridot. A swirling blonde ponytail is stuffed into a pair of neatly crossed arms that are placed on the table. There is no sound coming from the depths of those armpits.

Amy, however, notices Lapis immediately, and hops off her stool to stand within talking range.

“Dude, I’m so glad you came! How are ya?”

Lapis smiles as amiably as she can manage. “Better than Peridot, I assume”.

An indignant snort can be heard from insides the blonde tufts. Amy sighs.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I challenged her to a drinking game and…Peridot hates to loose, even though I have the tolerance of a brick wall, so she um…she’s just a lil M.I.A”.

Lapis smiles for real. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe that dork is my best friend. What a total dweeb”. Amy pokes Peridot on the back. No response is given.

“So, have you given it anymore thought? Peridot’s our captain and she invited you especially! Also”, she leans in with one hand, “don’t tell anyone but I can help sway the vote, even if Peri plays it fair. I think you’re super cool”

Lapis flushes with pleasure at being so well liked so quickly. It feels so natural talking to Amy, almost like Amy could make absolutely anyone be friends with her. Lapis wishes she could do the same thing.

“I’ll definitely consider it. Can we make a deal?”

Amy smiles and nods. “What were you thinkin?”

“I come to a practice, see if I’m any good, and if I’m okay I’ll join”.

Amy fist pumps the air. “Hell yeah dude! Good enough for me. Just gotta run to the bathroom super quick and then we can try to get Peridot to wake up, see what she thinks.”

She turns around, and then spins back with a vigour that makes Lapis jump out of her skin. “Oh! Also, since we’re friends now, you can call me Amethyst too, ‘kay?”

Lapis nods. Amy disappears and she tries to regain at least a little of her cool. She can’t believe what just happened. She’s not even been at this party for thirty minutes! An overwhelming surge of giddy joy overcomes her, and she swings her feet underneath her stool, back and fro, while resting her elbows on the countertop. She hums.

“You can sing too?”

A green eye has poked out of the blonde bush of hair. Lapis shakes her head, smiling gently. “Not really. I had lessons when I was little”

“Sing for me”

“Not when you’re drunk, how you gonna appreciate it?”

Peridot slowly raises her head off the bar surface and smiles warmly. “You..you came.” Lapis nods. “Didn’t expect you to, yuknow?”

“Why not?”

“You’re pretty and like…fit…but you’re also super edgy. Didn’t take you for a gal to hang out with dweebs likes us”

Lapis face is on _fire._ Did this girl just…?

Peridot realizes, far too slow, the implication of her phrasing. “No no nono not like I think you’re _pretty_ or fit like ‘oh you’re fit’. I meant…I meant fit as in ‘wow you surf good’ fit I mean um can we juts forget that came out my mouth? M’sorry”

Lapis bursts into laughter. “Um _never._ I am gonna hold that over you like a charm”.

Peridot blinks slowly. Hopefully. It’s really cute. “Does this mean you’re gonna join team, Lazuli?”

“I dunno Peridot, we’ve met twice and you’ve only been sober for one of those occasions”.

Their faces, _when did they get so close?,_ are inches apart. Lapis can smell the classic mixture of snakebite and a hint of sun cream.

“Uuuh, you guys having fun or what?”.

They spring away from each other. It’s Amy. Peridot giggles nervously and Lapis’ face grows yet another shade redder.

She gets down from the bar stool and grabs her phone off the counter. “Yeah. I was just saying to Peridot that I’ve got an agenda now”. She turns to the smaller blonde girl, who is still staring intensely up at her. “See you at practice, whenever it is. Find me on Facebook and send me the details on there. Get ready to train your new _fit_ team member up, kay?”

And with Amy goggle eyed and Peridot blushing furiously out of embarrassment, Lapis saunters off to find Pearl, feeling intensely satisfied and pleased with herself.

Maybe it’s the second year. Maybe she’s half way through university already and she should’ve done something like this months ago and just bit the bullet, but Lapis feels a new wave of confidence fester inside of her. She’s about to enter something interesting. Something good.

-

“God damn Peridot I leave you alone with Lapis for _one minute_ and-“

“Don’t get why you’s pissed Ames, she joined didn’t she?”.

Amy holds her hand to her face in an effort to restrain herself.

“Peridot, you can’t drunkenly call the girl you have a crush on fit and beg her to join that team that is _not. Professional._ ”

“I don’t have a crush”.

“Just like how you didn’t have a crush on me in first year, yeah?”.

_“Yeah”._

The purple-haired girl sighs, hoisting herself up to sit beside her idiotic friend.

“Peri, girl, you’ve got a big storm coming”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After that rollercoaster we can now FINALLY get into the good quality team sport content that you all signed up for!
> 
> Songs that go with this chapter are as follows:
> 
> \- There is a Light that Never Goes Out by The Smiths
> 
> \- Friday I'm in Love by The Cure
> 
> \- No.1 Party Anthem by the Arctic Monkeys
> 
> \- Future Me Hates Me by The Beths
> 
> I hope you have a wonderful day, and I'll see you really soon for the next chapter! I'm gonna actually have to google how people play volleyball lmao. 
> 
> Until next time x


	4. Now I'm In It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Facebook chats, beach jams and introductions. Positions are given, musicians are recommended and Lapis finally starts her volleyball career.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with part four! Sorry for the wait, I actually had to research volleyball to write this chapter. The introductory part of this fic is almost over now, so the plot is actually going to kick in soon! Hope you're all ready for a RIDE.
> 
> I'm so glad you're all enjoying it so far, and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. See you down below!

_Lapis was added to the chat by P-Dot_

**BEACH CITY VOLLEYBOIS**

**P-Dot** : Hey Lazuli!

 **Amyfist** : Yeah hey dude!

_P-Dot changed Lapis’ nickname to Lazuli._

**Lazuli** : Hey guys!

 **Lazuli** : Thanks for inviting me to the party the other night, it was a lot of fun

 **Amyfist** : Yeah, Peri’s hangover was worth you joining us!

 **P-Dot** : I wouldn’t go that far…

 **Amyfist** : Uuh rude much?

 **Lazul** i: Yeah, rude much.

 **P-Dot** : Lolll I was kidding! Obviously we’re super excited about it, now we have a full team we can actually play in the leagues!

 **Lazuli** : How were you even playing before? Isn’t volleyball meant to have, like, six players?

 **Amyfist** : Yeah but we just kinda did it for fun. Peri injured her leg as well last year so we couldn’t play with six.

 **Keekinator** : Omg I can’t believe we finally have six members! Hiya Lapis!

 **Lazuli** : Hey!

 **Keekinator** : Are you coming to our next session?

 **Lazuli** : I guess so. When is it?

 **LadleSadle** : We play mostly on Saturdays but we can always switch to Sunday if you can’t make then?

 **Lazuli** : Nah Saturday is fine.

 **LadleSadle** : Perfect!

 **Keekinator** : Cool!

 **Amyfist** : AAAH I’m bouncing all over the place this is so wicked!

 **BizzWizz** : It is pretty exciting! Hiya btw Lapis, I’m Bismuth!

 **Lazuli** : As in the gemstone Bismuth?

 **Bizzwizz** : Yup, seems common to have a gem name around here, eh?

 **Lazuli** : Yeah, it’s so weird! Cool though I guess

 **BizzWizz** : Indeed!

 **LadleSadle** : I gotta stop reading the chat now, we’re setting up the band room for practice!

 **Lazuli** : Wait you’re in a band?

 **LadleSadle** : Sure am! Maybe one day soon you can come see us play!

 **Lazuli** : I’d really like that, I love music!

 **LadleSadle** : Awesome!! Can’t wait to meet you :)

 **Keekinator** : Yo I should prolly go too, I’m meant to be helping make the pizzas at work lmaooo. See you soon Lapis!

 **BizzWizz** : Noooo come back Keeks ;-;

 **Keekinator** : You want me to get fired?

 **BizzWizz** : Hmmmmm…

 **Keekinator** : Rude. Fight me BIZZWIZZ

 **BizzWizz** : That can be arranged my friend.

 **Keekinator** : Mkay mkay. I actually have gotta go though. Latersss.

 **Amyfist** : So we’ll see you on Saturday 10:30, yeah Lap?

 **Lazuli** : Sure thing!

 **BizzWizz** : Nice!!

 **P-Dot** : Ahh I can’t wait!

-

Lapis can’t stop grinning like crazy. Everyone in that team… _her team_ …seems so cool. She finally has some cool people to hang out with and it makes her entire body fizz with energy she hasn’t felt in years. _This is it!_ She thinks to herself. _This is your chance!_

Her brain is snapped back to reality when Pearl throws a pen at her head. Giggling, Lapis looks up from her homework. They’re in Pearl’s room (a white themed space with pops of yellow and pink and wooden oak) and Lapis has taken over Pearl’s bed whilst Pearl sits studiously at her desk, writing what appears to be an essay.

“Lapis are you even paying attention?”

She blinks. Pearl is smiling excitedly at her from across the room, and it takes Lapis a moment to register why. But she hears the familiar song sailing into her ears soon enough, and she joins Pearl in singing along.

“ _Take me out tonight, where there’s music and there’s people and they’re young in the light..”_

Pearl bobs her head along rhythmically and gets her guitar from off of her bedroom floor, strumming along. Lapis grabs Pearl’s hairbrush and sings into it as if it were a microphone.

“ _Driving in your car I never never want to go home because I haven’t got one anymore.”_

_“And if a double decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die..”_

Pearl is grinning like crazy. Lapis’ heart is beating so happily. She feels so free, and she can’t help but hope that her friendship with Pearl will last forever. There’s no one she cares about quite as much as her (apart from maybe The Smiths).

-

Saturday. It’s Saturday.

Peridot reaches for her bedside table blindly and grabs for her glasses. Leaning up onto her elbow, she squints to see the time on her alarm clock.

8:30.

Sighing, she flops back down and attempts to go back to sleep, but sleep doesn’t come, so she stares at her fading yellow ceiling instead.

_Lapis is coming to practice today. You finally have a team!_

She closes her eyes and feels her face break into a huge grin. That’s why she’s so excited. She finally has what she wanted since the start of uni and it’s making her heart feel fuzzy and her brain fizz with adrenaline.

She gets out of bed and starts stretching. She’s awake, and she feels like heading down to the beach early anyway. It’s sunny outside, as she can tell from the golden light pouring into her small dorm, and that’s good enough reason for her to not wait for Amy to get up at 10:05 or whatever.

She puts on her yellow tank top and denim shorts. Gropes around and finds her trainers. Tries (and fails) to tame her bedhead and pulls it into a ponytail instead. Apart from her eye bags, she thinks she looks good enough, and so she heads straight for the beach, a bounce in every step.

-

_It’s warm._

Peridot feels the sun on her face. It tingles her skin slightly, and she enjoys the way it lifts her mood so much. Looking across the beach, she notices how quiet it is. The rock wedge, which spreads out to sea like a pseudo pier, is noticeably deserted of children and the volleyball net is completely abandoned. There is nothing but pale white sand and the lazy haze of the ocean and the wonderful smell of sun cream (which she thinks may in fact be coming from her).

It’s so serene that she closes her eyes and breathes in the air, letting her muscles completely relax as she sits and waits.

Until the footsteps come.

She spins around, expecting Kiki or potentially Sadie (both early risers too) but instead is faced with a blue haired girl wearing a white flowing sun dress, paired tactically with short black leggings underneath, and a straw hat that throws a cool haze of shade across her face. It’s Lapis Lazuli.

“Hey! You an early riser too?”

Lapis smiles gently and sits herself down next to Peridot, obviously not bothered about sand clinging to her skin. “You could say that I guess”.

A comfortable silence settles upon them, and they both stare intently at the gentle morning roll of the tide, until Lapis breaks the silence.

“Why did you invite me to join your team?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well”, Lapis chews her lip thoughtfully, “I guess I just didn’t think I made the best impression when we first met, and you would have had to have known _somehow_ that I went to the same uni as you…had you seen me around before? Or just kinda hoped it would work out in your favour?”

Peridot flushes a little at the intensity of the question, but obliges. “The latter. Guess I just sort of hoped you’d say yes.”

They both smile. Peridot notices how very blue Lapis’ eyes are, and how soft her skin looks. Her fringe falls elegantly over her forehead in a way that makes Peridot want to run her fingers through it to see if it’s really as smooth as it look. She blinks and quickly looks away.

“How were you planning on killing the time until practice? It’s like…9:05”

Lapis grins, revealing a phone and ear buds. “Music, duh”

“Huh. Guess I’ve never really been into music.”

The blue haired girl’s jaw drops in shock. “Never been into _music_? How have you ever managed to entertained yourself?”

“Um, watching sports. Films. TV. I just like hanging out with people I guess. I kinda suck at being by myself”.

Lapis holds out an ear bud to Peridot, which she accepts gingerly. “Well, since you’re here we can listen to some of my favourite stuff, if you want?”. She blinks shyly, as if nervous about the offer. Peridot nods intensely. She wants to make this girl feel comfortable around her, and maybe music is something she _has_ been missing out on, who knows?

“Okay, I’ll start with this playlist then”

“’All Time Faves’? What a dork!”

“Spoken by the ultimate dork lord herself”

They giggle and begin to listen as ‘Summertime in Paris’ starts playing.

-

Lapis hardly notices how quickly the time goes. She’s having far too much fun sharing her music with Peridot. Each time a song ends, the blonde makes a little comment about the drums, or the cool guitar solo in the middle, or the fact that she really likes that particular singer and it’s adorable. Lapis feels ultra cool knowing that she’s introducing Peridot to bands she’s never heard of before, and Peridot seems to equally be enjoying the experience.

Finally, they are interrupted by hands being placed on either of their shoulders, and they both jump out of their skin. Lapis’ head whips around at the contact, causing Peridot’s ear bud to be ripped out in the middle of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’.

Amy is grinning like crazy. Peridot is very red in the face.

“Whatcha guys doing?”

Lapis grins. “Did you know Peridot has never even heard of ‘The Smiths’?”

Amy snorts. “Yeah. She knows shit all about music.”

Lapis snorts too, and Peridot scoffs indignantly. “Look, I don’t know every niche band ever okay? So what!”

“Dude they’re not even niche!”

-

When everyone finally arrives, Peridot stands in front of her members, who are sat on the floor, looking up expectantly at her.

“So today we’ll assign positions and just reaafirm who is playing where, and then we can have a practive game with three on either side just to get the ball rolling. In future sessions we’ll need to find volunteers to play against us so we can learn how to work as a team of six, but for now that’s the plan. I’ll read out the positions and name of who I’ve assigned to each one. Let me know if ou’re all happy and then we can start!”

A serious of nods and ‘mhhms’ echo across the group.

“Okay”, Peridot continues enthusiastically, “the roles are:

Kiki: Libero

Bismuth: Right side Hitter

Amethsyt: Opposite Hitter

Sadie: Middle Blocker

Lapis: Setter

And me as Outside Hitter.”

She finishes reading off of her notebook and looks up. “Is everybody happy?”

A chorus of ‘yes’ emerges from the group. Lapis feels her face flush, but she works up the courage to ask a question.

“Um…what does the setter do?”

“Good question Lazuli,” the blonde grins, “the setter is kinda the playmaker of the team. You’re job will be to run the team’s offense and build up scoring opportunities for us as a team. We’ll teach you more as we play, but it’s kind of easier to demonstrate on the go. Is that cool?”

Lapis nods. _Setter_ she muses. _Not bad._

Everyone starts to stand up, and each girl introduces herself to Lapis in turn. She meets Kiki (a culinary student with vibrant curly brown hair), Bismuth (a design student with rainbow coloured cornrows) and Sadie (a music student with sweet blonde curls).

And when practice begins, Lapis feels alive and part of something good for the first time in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! She's officially part of the team and it only took...four chapters?
> 
> Seriously though there is a plot coming I swear, it's just taken me a while to get a feel for where I want this lil journey to go. As always, the music mentioned (and alluded to) in this chapter is listed here:
> 
> \- There is a Light that Never Goes Out by The Smiths  
> \- Summertime in Paris by Jaden ft. WILLOW  
> \- Heroes by David Bowie  
> \- Bad Idea! by Girl in Red  
> \- Now I'm In It by HAIM  
> \- Love will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I've loved reading your comments so far! The next instalment shall be soon. Have a lovely day and see ya soon x


	5. Heaven Knows (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heaven Knows Part One: The past is dark, friends have secrets and the real fun hasn't even started yet. Peri makes an announcement, Amy is just trying to have a good time and Pearl is a sweetheart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooo. Did you miss me?
> 
> For real I'm sorry this took so long, and that it's kind of a short chapter! I have loads of assignments due real soon so was trying to get a head start on them. I hope you still like this though (even though there a probably loads of spelling mistakes i missed I'm sorryyyy)!
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy and see you in the end notes x

** Peridot **

“So what you’re saying is that we need other people to practice with?”

“Uh, _yeah,_ or how are we going to learn to work as a whole team unit?”

Peridot nods thoughtfully, chewing her lip. Amy is in her small dorm room, smushed into a corner of her bed, giving her team management advice. Typical Tuesday night.

“I guess that makes sense”.

Amy grins. “Dude, you know you can ask me for tips anytime. At this rate, I may as well be the leader”.

A cushion is launched at her face. Accidentally, of course.

“Not even in your dreams”.

Giggling ensues. Peridot vaguely makes amental note to clean up her room in case other people…no names…potentially visit her room at some point in the future.

-

**P-Dot:** Guys, you all still on for Saturday? New rule!

**BizzWizz:** Yup.

**Keekinator:** Should be P. New rule?

**P-Dot:** Yep. Me and Amy were thinking we need to practice more as a team unit so we need each one of you to bring along a friend to practices. Then we can have 6 v 6!

**Keekinator:** Makes sense to meeee. I’ll bring my sister!

**BizzWizz:** Yeah I’ve got a few people I can ask, no prob Bob.

**Lazuli:** Who’s Bob?

**BizzWizz:** Form of expression Lappy, don’t mind me.

**SadleLadle:** Sounds great, can do!

**Lazuli:** I’ve got an idea of who I’d bring, shouldn’t be a problem!

**Amyfist:** Coolio, see y’all then!

**P-Dot:** Thanks guys, see you soon! :)

-

** Lapis **

Pearl needs new pens, so that’s how Lapis ends up at the stationary store with her on a humid Wednesday afternoon. Pearl is in good spirits, and ice cream is (hopefully) a potential follow up. But Lapis can’t help getting distracted.

Amidst the colorful notebooks and thousands of pen types, she sees Peridot _everywhere._ And she doesn’t know in God’s name why! A yellow notebook on the floor makes her think of bright blonde waves sticking up at all ends. A green tipped biro Pearl enthusiastically shoves in her face reminds her of those sparkling green eyes. Even the smell of sun cream, lingering on other people’s clothes who are also milling around the shop, remind her distinctly of Peridot’s own sun cream smell. Salt and sun cream, she can almost taste it-

“Lapis?”

Lapis snaps back to attention. Pearl is looking at her with apprehension.

“What’s got you so distant today?”

Lapis tries to brush off her weird thoughts and focus on her friend. She smiles apologetically. “Nothing. I just remembered I wanted to ask you something”.

Pearl grins. “What?’

“Can you be my plus one to practice next Saturday? Peridot wants us to bring one friend each so we have people to play against, and I know you like sports so I was hoping…”

For a second, Pearl’s face falls into one of disappointment, but then she regains her Pearl-smile and nods. “Sure, I’m not doing anything else. And exercise boosts your brain!”

Lapis claps her hands together excitedly and bounces on the balls of her feet, feeling her smile spread across her face. “Thank you thank you thank you thank youo-“

“Enough, that’s what friends are for,”

They laugh together. Lapis wonders, briefly, why Pearl had looked disappointed earlier.

-

With the pens finally chosen and ice creams newly purchased, Lapis and Pearl head down to the park. They find an unoccupied bench and sit in companionable silence, licking their slowly melting ice creams with dutiful vigour. Pearl breaks the silence first.

“Have you spoken to Jasper lately?”

Lapis freezes. “Don’t sour a perfectly good ice cream”.

Pearl twiddles her thumbs nervously, and Lapis feels guilty. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it. Um, no I haven’t. Why?”

“I saw her on campus the other day and she said hi to me. I didn’t really know what to say so I just…said hi and left”

Lapis nods slowly. She had almost entirely forgotten about Jasper. Even thinking about her now…she didn’t like the ugly feeling that stirred inside of her when she did.

“Yeah, that’s good. You don’t have to be careful around her for me though. Just…I don’t know. She’s trouble”.

Pearl places her hand gently on Lapis’ arm. “I don’t want to be friends with someone who hurt you the way she did. I just wanted to know…I don’t know…if you were feeling better about it?”

Lapis nods. And then she smiles. “Yeah. Yeah I am. I’ve got you, haven’t I?”

Pearl laughs and pokes her cheek playfully.

-

** Peridot **

Saturday rolls around too quickly for Peridot’s liking. Friday night isn’t usually her drinking day of choice, but when Amy and Peridot go out with their course friends, they go _out_ out. Her head is sore.

She stretches gingerly and gets out of bed slowly. Brushing her hair, she checks her phone.

_One new message from: Lazuli._

**Lazuli:** You gonna be early down by the beach today again?

Fuck.

Her will to continue recovers embarrassingly fast, and an answer is typed hastily.

**P-Dot:** Be there in 15. You?

**Lazuli:** Oooh same! Wanna chill out before practice? I have more tunes I think you’d like!

**P-Dot:** Sounds great!

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

She aggressively whips on her tanktop/shorts uniform, rakes through her hair with a useless comb, brushes her teeth and slaps on her sandals. _It’s go time girl._

_-_

The beach is barren when she arrives except for one blue-headed girl sitting on the sand by herself. Peridot feels her heart racing like a fool.

“Thought I’d beat you here. How come you’re so early?’

“Couldn’t sleep I guess”.

“Nervous?”

“Nah, just thinking about stuff”.

Peridot sits down next to her and grins. An ear bus is handed to her. “What are we listening to today?”

Lapis smiles excitedly, and she feels her face flush. _Stupid._ “Was thinking we could start with Conan Gray?”

“…who?”

“Oh my stars, Peri”

“This is what education is for!!”

-

Several songs later, and Lapis’ friend joins them. Peridot is a little disappointed she isn’t alone with Lapis anymore, but curiosity overrides her other emotions.

“Peridot, this is my friend Pearl. Pearl, this is our team captain, Peridot”.

Peridot holds out her hand, and Pearl shakes it enthusiastically (although there’s something in her eyes that makes Peridot feel a little…judged? Surveyed? She can’t quite put her finger on it).

“What were you guys doing?”

Lapis snorts, and Pearl’s eyes light up. “Peridot doesn’t know _any_ good music so I’ve been educating her!”

Pearl grins. “Has she shown you any of The Smiths yet?”

Peridot nods. “Only every other song”

Pearl nods. “As it should be”.

Hearing footsteps, they turn around and are greeted by Amy, along with a friend and Sadie who is holding hands with who Peridot assumes is her plus one.

“Hey guys!”

-

By the time almost everyone arrives, Peridot feels super pumped. Looking around she sees Pearl and Lapis (sitting very close to each other looking at album covers), Amy and a girl named Vidalia, Kiki and her sister Rachel, Sadie and her partner Shep and Bismuth with a sweet-looking kid called Steven (who aggressively hugged Peridot upon introduction). She’s just waiting for her friend to show up, and her skin is buzzing with excitement.

And then she spots her in the distance, coming over the sandy hill. Just as Peridot knows o well, mornings aren’t her strong point and so her big body is slumped in protest. Her long blonde hair is a little jaded, and her brown eyes look tired. Peridot waves.

Jasper waves back, and then stop sin her tracks. Looking at the back of someone’s head? Peridot follows her gaze and sees it lands on…

Lapis?

She grins excitedly. They must already know each other! A bonus!

She claps her hands to grab the attention of those sitting before her. “Alright team listen up! Today we’ll train 6 v 6. This is my friend Jasper, she’ll be helping us out today too”

She glances over at Lapis. _Shit. Not friends._

Her body has frozen still and her face is white with shock. Pearl looks equally disturbed and has placed a hand on Lapis’ arm, as if in comfort. _What’s going on?_

Jasper finally reaches the huddle and circles round to the front to stand next to Peridot. “Hey guys, sorry I’m late”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun DUUUUUNN.
> 
> Okay you probably saw this coming but hopefully it kind of surprised you? A little? Idk man I'm trying my best this is my first proper attempt at an actual lengthy fic, I've planned it out and everything XD
> 
> As usual here are the *implied* songs that Lapis and Peridot were listening to in this chapter:
> 
> \- Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths  
> \- Lookalike by Conan Gray  
> \- Generation Why by Conan Gray  
> \- Unloveable by The Smiths  
> \- Sign of the Times by Harry Styles
> 
> Part two is coming soon (probs in 2 days time) so look out for updates and have a lovely lovely day! x
> 
> P.S Thank you for all your comments, you guys are so sweet!


	6. Heaven Knows (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Points are scored, friends are supportive and Lapis reveals her secret (kind of). Peridot's life is more dysfunctional than first appears, and plans are made for the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! This chapter was incredibly fun to write and I got carried away and ended up having to edit it a tonne which I'm not really used to, so I hope you love it as much as I do, and I'll see you in the end notes.
> 
> Enjoy! x

It’s halfway through practice, and so far nothing intensely awkward has happened. However, the glances repeatedly shared between Lapis and Jasper and then Lapis and Pearl are making Peridot feel incredibly nervous. Not that there’s anything wrong with glancing, but something feels _incredibly_ off and she feels like it’s her fault for inviting Jasper in the first place.

Lapis lobs the ball particularly powerfully over the net, scoring the winning point for the team. Bismuth pumps her fist in the air, Kiki wolf whistles, Sadie gives Lapis a sweet little high five and Amy grins.

Peridot wanders over to Lapis. “Not bad, Lazuli”.

Finally, a look other than nervous tension takes rest upon the blue-haired girl’s face. “Why thank you my liege”. She curtsies sarcastically, using the hem of her dress to imitate what Peridot guesses a member of the royal court. Snorting, Peridot playfully slaps her arm, and she swears Lapis’ face darkens slightly.

Peridot turns to face everyone. “Alright teams, ten minute water break, then let’s have one more game!”.

Bismuth, Sadie, Kiki, Rachel, Shep, Amy and the little Steven kid swiftly run off to the ice cream truck that parked up on the dust path about five minutes ago, so Peridot is now left with… _stars this is awkward._

Before she knows it, Jasper is next to her. “I didn’t know you knew Lapis”.

“She’s part of the team Japser”.

“Yeah but…how did you meet her?”.

“We met on the beach one day. She was good at surfing and she looked pretty strong so I thought she’d be good at volleyball”.

Considering this, Japser stokes her chin and asks, without abashment, “you like her, don’t you?”.

Her face burns. She quickly glances to make sure Lapis and Pearl aren’t anywhere near them, but they too have wondered off to the ice cream truck. _Thank god._

“I don’t....I mean…I don’t really know yet. Why do you care anyway?”.

“She’s kind of my territory, okay? I know you didn’t know before, so I won’t make a big deal out of it, but we have history and she’s not up for grabs”.

Peridot feels as if she’s been splashed with ice cold water. Her _territory_? Is that even okay to say? And…Lapis clearly doesn’t feel the same way. Peridot hasn’t known her very long, that’s for sure, but it was so clear in the way that the girl actively stayed away from Jasper the entire practice, in the way Pearl was so protective of her, in the way they went to get ice cream when just this morning Lapis had told Peridot she didn’t like it at all.

_But_ she furrows her brow _you can’t exactly interfere in something you don’t know._ It’s not like she knows what the history even is. Oh lord does she want to know, with every fibre of her being (she’s always been a sucker for unanaswered questions) but this isn’t her place. She shouldn’t be curious. But…

“So?”

She looks up to see Jasper staring at her. There is no malice in her eyes, only hope for understanding, and Peridot finds determination within her bones to keep it that way.

“Yeah, I understand”.

-

****

** Lapis **

****

“How do you think they know each other?”.

“I have no idea Lapis”.

“Do you think they’re _dating_?”

“I have no idea Lapis”.

“Fuck what should I do? I can’t stand being around her!”

Pearl stops walking, and Lapis stops too. Looking directly into Lapis’ deep blue eyes, Pearl grabs her by the shoulder and shakes her a little. Mildly surprised (Pearl isn’t usually this tough on her) Lapis frowns in question.

“Look, I’m only going to say this once, okay?”

Lapis nods.

“Letting Jasper have a hold on you is not the way forward. She did you dirty and screwed you over. You were hurt. That’s fine and you were valid to feel that way. But now it’s been a whole year and-“, she stops briefly to catch her breath, “you are _so much better than her_. You are so much better than her and she has no right to control your every move, your every thought. You don’t have to do anything she asks you to. You don’t owe her anything. She can’t hurt you, okay? I’m here.” She closes her eyes and inhales deeply, letting go of Lapis’ shoulder and then letting a gentle smile wash over her face. “I promise you, you’re strong enough for this”.

And suddenly Lapis feels so empowered. Because Pearl is right! Pearl is so right! Her and Jasper are done, through.

Pearl is surprised when the wind is knocked out of her, and a little strangled due to the strength of Lapis’ fierce embrace, but the happiness she feels having Lapis close to her, and trusting her, is inimitable.

Someone clears her throat. “So who is Jasper anyway?”.

Amy stands, just behind them, a half-finished ice cream cone forgotten in her hand. She flushes awkwardly.

“Sorry to be nosey, um…you don’t have to tell me everything but I noticed how weird you were acting and I wanted to help, y’know?”.

Lapis glances quickly over to Pearl, who is looking at Amy with barely suppressed happiness. “You noticed?”.

“Um, yeah, I’m good at reading people”.

Pearl is grinning like crazy now, amd she excitedly extends her hand. Amy takes it, and they shake. “I’m really glad you’re looking out for Lapis too. I love people who care about their friends”.

They exchange smiles, and Lapis feels so much warmth in her heart that she finally decides to open up, just a little, to her teammate.

“I was acting weird because Jasper and I….we have a kind of _history_ ”.

“ _What?_ ”

“Um, yeah, I know we don’t look like a match,” Lapis snorts wryly “and that’s because we really weren’t. I was lonely, she was this powerful, loud, fun person that seemed to have a huge interest in me and I guess I was flattered and really drunk so…I slept with her. It was a one night thing, I made that super clear to her before and after. But it started getting weird…it’s hard to explain”.

She takes a deep breath.

“She wouldn’t let me go. Said that we were too good together. That we were soulmates and shit like that. I didn’t listen and I told her it was over, that nothing had even really started in the first place, but I was freaked out and got really upset because she began to show up everywhere I went around campus. Like, stalker style. She only stopped trying really recently. I felt so trapped and I was constantly terrified she was going to like, find out where I lived and stuff and I just couldn’t deal with it”.

She watches as Amy’s face falls further and further into a look of absolute horror.

“I guess I was so consumed with fear that I didn’t even think to tell anyone about it…not even Pearl really…and now I guess you too”.

“Dude,” Amy takes a deep breath, “that is _super_ messed up”.

Pearl nods in agreement. “That’s what I said too”.

Lapis nods with them. But then she remembers a question. “How does Peridot know her anyway?”.

Amy stares at her feet on the ground, wiggling her toes in the sand nervously. “Um…

She’s her step-sister”.

-

** Peridot **

****

When everyone comes back for the last game of the session, she notices Amy being far more buddy-buddy with both Lapis and Pearl. It’s a really nice sight to see amidst the chaos.

In the final match Amy scores two points, Bismuth dabs at least five different times and Lapis scores several more impressive points for the team. Peridot feels immensely satisfied with how quickly everyone seems to be gelling into one unstoppable force.

But what Jasper said to her during the break keeps replaying over and over in her head. _My territory. My territory. My territory._ And she can’t help but feel pissed. It’s not that she likes Lapis, okay? I mean, her head and her heart can debate on that one but honestly it’s more than that. Something about the whole situation feels off.

But she can’t outwardly intervene or her mother will find a way to blame her for everything. She can’t mess up. She can’t argue or alienate Jasper. Jasper is, rather unfortunately, a part of her family that she can’t ignore and if she wants her mother to invest any kind of love in her daughter at all, she needs to be good. Good to her, good to Jasper.

When practice is finally finished, Jasper heads off quickly, but not before attempting to talk to Lapis. Unfortunately, Peridot is engaged with Sadie and Kiki but she sees the disappointment in Jasper’s face when she turns to leave the beach.

As the others start to drift off, she begins to collect her stuff when the smell of lavender invades her senses..

“Hey dot”.

She looks up, and Lapis is standing over her, the sun creating a warm halo around her figure. She feels her face flush, even if it’s just a little. _Not my territory not my territory not my terri-_

“Pearl and Amy want to get ramen one day this week. You’re coming, right?”

“Definitely”.

Lapis crouches down so that their faces are only inches apart. Peridot can smell other things now too. Lavender, cinnamon and rose. Those blue eyes are so deep and enchanting. Her smile is making Peridot’s heart race.

“Good. That’s what I like to hear”.

She stands up, her white sundress flipping outwards in the process and places her sunhat elegantly on her blue hair. Pearl reaches her side and they walk off together, leaving Peridot with a burning face and heaving heart. Amy is grinning at her, looking smug as always.

_Not my territory not my territory not my territory not my territory._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, I hope you enjoyed the intense backstorying in this chapter! Honestly I really did, I love fleshing out characters and adding in *drama* so I hope you're ready for more of that.
> 
> Obviously since this was the second part of the first chapter there aren't really any songs mentioned, but the one I had playing in the background on like, repeat, when I was writing was 'Nightmare' by Leadley (an absolute BOP) so you should definitely check that out!
> 
> Other than that, the next update should be within three-ish days, so keep your eyes open and have a wonderful rest of the week. Laters! x


	7. Andante, Andante

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis needs help, Peridot buys a hat and midnight is the time to strike. Dreams are premonitions and Amy and Pearl are becoming fast friends.
> 
> OR
> 
> Lapis and Peridot go on a date but it's not a date but also it totally is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back, back again?
> 
> Lmao I really enjoyed writing this part of the story, bc it's the last chapter before ANGST starts and y'know...I love angst but also fluff is fun too.
> 
> Hope you're all having a good day so far, see you in the comments below! Enjoy x

** Peridot **

****

_Peridot is lying in the middle of her childhood trampoline, surrounded by grass and honey-brown fencing. There is a hazy sun beating down upon her skin, making her feel calm and collected, and there is a hand in her hand. Sighing, she opens her eyes just a crack, and turns her head to see a blue-haired girl grinning back at her lazily. She’s wearing a deep blue maxi skirt which sits prettily on her figure, and a matching coloured bralette that looks…. good._

_Feeling butterflies in her stomach, Peridot reaches over to gently caress Lapis’ cheek. Simultaneously leaning in, they kiss; Peridot feels stars colliding behind her eyes as the planets in her own personal solar system align. This is it. This is everything she’s been wanting since she set eyes on Lapis Lazuli. The taste of salt, the smell of lavender and the feel of her hair in Peridot’s hands fills her with excitement and desire. And as they kiss and kiss and kiss she feels the affection she has in her heart grow stronger and stronger and-_

_There’s a crash. A loud banging sound._

Peridot opens her eyes, for real this time, and then squints in pain as sunlight meets her pupils too aggressively. Her brain begins to catch up with her body and…

Fuck, did she just dream about lapis?

Groaning, reality hits her like a truck and she face palms. _Get some self control._

But the thought of kissing her won’t leave her brain. The thought of touching her arms, her neck, running her hands through her hair, trailing them down her body and-

She mentally slaps herself.

No. Not allowed. Not today.

She sits up in bed, stretches, and goes to investigate the banging noise that woke her up in the first place. Her dormitory is tiny, and her window looks out on a view of the alleyway where residents leave their bins out for weekly collection. Peeking out the window, she sees an early morning fox has toppled over her own bin, probably searching for the source of the Chinese takeout smell (she had ben lazy yesterday and ordered food).

Sighing again, she turns around and is about to go and shower when her phone rings. She picks up without looking, taking a sip of water to clear her throat.

“Hi mum, what is it?”

“I’m not your mum”.

Peridot spits out the water and has a mini silent coughing fit. “ _Lapis?_ ”

“Yeah! Um, is this a bad time?”

“Oh no, no it’s fine! I just wasn’t expecting it but I’m free!”

She can _feel_ the confused grin down the phone. “Okay…I was just gonna ask if you have class today?”

“Nope, I never have anything on Monday. How come?” Her heart is beating ten thousand miles per hour and her face is burning.

“Well, I remember you saying you were good at tech the other day, and I’m trying to shoot a scene for my coursework. I was wondering if you’d be free to help, if you didn’t mind?”

Wiping the rogue water from her mouth, Peridot feels her nose scrunch up with barely contained glee. “Yeah I’m totally free!”. _Wait…gotta play it cool._ “So I guess I can help”.

“Oh my god, thank you so much! You’re my savior!!”

“So where do you want me to meet you?”

“It’s meant to be a satire, so I was going to make a mini documentary about campus. Why don’t we meet at Blue’s at like…11?”

“Sure”

“Okay, thank you so much again, I’ll see you soon!”

She hangs up, and Peridot leaps with excitement. She _has_ to tell Amy. She also has to shower and actually look good, for once. Her heart is absolutely racing and her eye is twitching ever so slightly because for some, completely unknown, reason she’s really, really nervous.

But there’s no real reason for that, of course. Lapis is just a friend. Jasper’s territory. This is just a causal friend hangout where two girls help each other out. Wait, no, that sounds bad.

She shakes her head. _A casual friend date._ No. _Two gals being pals._ God no. _A day where I help my friend who I definitely do not fancy in the least little bit film a thing for her degree and I do not make any moves or say anything remotely dumb please and thank you._

** Lapis **

****

Being early to absolutely everything has benefits, without a doubt, but waiting for Peridot to show is making her stomach tense up.

She scrunches her nose and checks her watch for the fourth time in the last minute, and there’s till three minutes left until 11. So she isn’t late. Lapis is overthinking this. She begins to subconsciously hum the tune to ‘Unlovable’.

She truly hadn’t expected Peridot to say yes, or even sound so excited about it. _Guess she really likes cameras, huh?_

Snapping out of her daze, she hears her name being called. “Lazuli!”

“Hey!”.

Standing in front of her, all 5ft 2 of blonde explosion grins slyly. It makes her stomach flip.

And Peridot looks different when she’s not wearing a tank top and shorts. Today she’s dressed in a really cool graphic t-shirt with mum jeans, which sit comfortably just above her ankles. Her white trainers match the colour of her top, and she’s wearing glasses which look really _really_ cute on her.

_Stop it Lapis._

She bends down and picks up the two coffees she bought. “I thought I’d treat you to some caffeine to say thank you”

“Lazuli, you are my hero,” Peridot smiles. “Where do you want to go first?”

“Okay”, Lapis claps her hands together and tries to collect her thoughts so they sound less nerdy; “I was thinking I’d do a campus tour from the perspective of a student. Y’know like those YouTube videos of really pretty girls that just show you the main parts of campus and are overly excited about it? But like, instead of that it’s about the more niche parts of campus and why they have certain reputations”.

Peridot giggles. “Sounds funny, I’m into it”

For a moment, they make eye contact and Lapis feels her face flush. She looks away promptly. “I mean, I hope so”.

-

Several hours later, and Lapis is buzzing with excitement she hasn’t felt in a long, long time. She and Peridot have been traipsing around campus for what feels like only ten minutes, shooting different scenes and are now talking about different movies they like over iced coffee.

“I’m just saying, Howl’s Moving Castle is the best Studio Ghibli film”.

Lapis scrunches her nose. “I dunno, I think I like spirited away more”.

Peridot feigns extreme horror and spins her head away from Lapis in protest. “How could you disrespect Calcifer like that?”

Lapis giggles. “He was pretty cool, but I always thought the Queen was the best character”.

Peridot drops the pretenses and now just looks plain horrified. “Um, _why?_ Why her when there’s so many _much better_ characters?”

Lapis considers herself for a moment, but then decides to just shoot. “I thought she was really hot”.

Peridot blinks, and for one horrifying moment Lapis freaks out. But then Peridot is laughing hysterically, and people are beginning to stare at them. “But she’s…she’s like 50 years old Lapis!!”

Actual tears begin to form in Lapis’ eyes from laughing so much. “I know but it’s the way she talks!”

Still giggling a little, they both look down at their drinks. Lapis feels so incredibly happy.

“I know we’ve finished filming, but do you want to do something else for a bit? I don’t have any other plans today”.

Looking up hopefully, she sees the blonde girl’s huge, adorable grin.

“Sure”

-

** Peridot **

****

Okay, so taking Lapis to Jubilee Street was the best idea Peridot has _ever_ had.

Jubilee Street was her favourite place in first year when she wasn’t best friends with Amy and didn’t know that many other people on her course. She needed a place to hang out for a few hours and think in, and a road filled with charity shops was her little escape that she needed. Seeing Lapis just as excited about the selection of different shops filled with vintage clothes and books and, best of all, sports equipment does something to her insides that she’s not quite ready to admit, but god she’s glad they’re here.

A hat is plonked onto her head. “This one”.

‘Goodie Bag’ by Still Woozy is playing on the shop speakers. Looking in a full-length mirror in Oxfam, Peridot sees her reflection wearing an oversized straw sunhat very similar to the one she recalls Lapis owning. “This one what?”

Lapis looks very pleased with herself. In the weird shiny lighting of the store, her hair looks extremely soft. Peridot wants to touch it. “You should buy it, you look cute!”

Her face flushes, and Peridot feels hers flush too. “Cute?”

She doesn’t really know what she expects.

“Yeah. You look cute”.

-

Peridot buys the hat.

** Lapis **

****

“You won’t _believe_ what happened today!”

“No murders, I hope?”

Lapis snorts. “Pearl, you have so little faith in me”.

She practically hears the smug grin down the phone. “Then tell me what is so unbelievable, Lapis Lazuli”

It’s later in the evening, and Lapis is lying on her bed, alone, phoning Pearl. Her laptop, with the partially edited assignment, sits on the foot of her bed forgotten, and the pile of stuff she bought from the charity shops earlier is stacked into the corner.

“I asked Peridot to help me film my thing, and then we hung out all day! Like, we went to get coffee, we went shopping and I MADE her buy this really cute sunhat and it was so much fun”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself on your date Lapis, but I’m tryna study here”

Lapis scoffs indignantly. “It wasn’t a date!”

She hears Pearl take her off speakerphone, and her voice becomes much clearer. “Um, that sounds like a date to me”.

“I mean…it wasn’t…we didn’t…it wasn’t a date!”

More shuffling. Sounds of pens being rustled around. “Lapis, I know you like her. I think, judging from today, she clearly likes you too”. Pearl’s voice is gentle, and there’s something else there too. Sincerity? Caution? “I think you should ask her on a real date then, if that wasn’t one”.

Shaking her head, Lapis flops down on her bed again. “I can’t do that”.

“Why not?”

“Well, for starters, I’ve just joined the volleyball team and I don’t want to ruin it by messing up with her, and secondly Jasper is her step-sister! I don’t want to have to see her at like, family functions and stuff”

A pause. “No one said anything about family functions Lapis”. A giggle. “God you meet one cute girl and you want to marry her straight away?”

Her face is _burning._ “That’s not!! I didn’t!!”

“I know I know, it’s just too easy with you sometimes. Look, I gotta go, Garnet’s knocking on my door, but Lapis you can’t be afraid of Jasper forever. Make your move! Talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay”.

When Pearl hangs up, Lapis stares at the ceiling.

_I could ask her out. Or I could do it when we all get ramen tomorrow._ She thinks about it: pulling Peridot aside just as she’s about to go into her apartment and saying ‘hey, why don’t we get dinner again, just the two of us sometime?’. Or ‘hey I think you’re cute, we should make out?’. _No. Definitely not either._

But the more she thinks about it, the more it plays in her mind. The different scenarios, Where they could go, what they could do. She wonders what it would be like to kiss her, to run her hands through her tangled blonde bush of hair. To just lean her head on her shoulder and smell sun cream.

Drifting off to sleep, she thinks vaguely that this could be a good idea after all.

-

Okay so admittedly Lapis isn’t as bold as she’d like to be.

She, Pearl, Amy and Peridot are siting in their local ramen joint, talking and laughing and having a good time, and Lapis is not about to ask and get rejected and risk this.

She glances over at Peridot, who is sitting diagonally across from her, talking to Pearl. Under the evening lamplight of the restaurant her freckles are very visible, dotted around her cheeks and nose. Her eyes are an enchanting shade of lime green. Her lips are soft and full. For the occasion she’s wearing a button up flannel shirt, which is undone by two buttons near the top, showing off her perfect collarbones. Lapis kind of wants to reach over and fluff her hair a little, which has been secured into a ponytail (but not without some serious flyaway actin occurring).

“Lapis?”

Lapis blinks and realizes that literally everyone is staring at her. “Oh, um, yeah?”

Amy snorts. “Dude, you space out so easily. We were just wondering if you wanted to drink tonight?”

Pearl is looking at her eagerly (she’s begun to notice that whenever Amy suggests literally anything, Pearl immediately becomes eager to do it) and Peridot has a hopeful glimmer in her eyes that Lapis simply can’t refuse.

“Hmm, since it’s Wednesday tomorrow I’ll have to pass”.

Amy explodes with disappointment. “ _What?!_ Lapis!! You can’t miss out on the fun!!”

Lapis snots into her hand, giggling. “I was kidding! Sounds like a plan”.

-

They traipse to Tesco, buy alcohol and Lapis suggests her place as a drinking spot.

And that’s how Pearl, Amy and Peridot end up sitting on her bedroom floor in a circle, playing never have I ever.

“Okay okay okay”, Amy declares, already with a slight flush in her cheeks, “Never have I ever…pissed myself laughing”.

Peridot immediately downs her shot. Lapis follows, feeling vodka and cranberry juice rush down her throat. Pearl is giggling like crazy, but she doesn’t take her shot. Lapis shoves her playfully. “Of course you haven’t, you’re such a mum”.

Peridot’s face lights up. “Oh my _god,_ Peal you are!”

Pearl rolls her eyes and smirks. “Only on the weekdays”

Another giggle circles the group. Pearl considers for a moment, and then smiles devilishly. “Never have I ever told a stranger I loved them”

Lapis reluctantly takes her shot. Amy and Peridot gape. She sighs and caves. “It was first year. Me and Pearl had met like, a week ago, and we decided we’d attempt to make more friends by going out to some bars and speaking to random people”.

Amy grins, settling her hands into her lap and leaning forward eagerly. “This is already off to a _great_ start”.

Lapis rolls her eyes, but can’t help smiling. “Well, we went to a bar and we spotted this really cute waitress and we both fancied the shit out of her. I was so determined to get her number, not even because I really wanted it but just because I wanted to prove I could. But I kind of got flustered when she came over to our side of the bar, and instead of saying something normal I just blurted out ‘ _I love you’._ ”

Pearl is doubling over laughing. Peridot and Amy seem surprised at how fun Pearl actually is, which makes Lapis feel proud (even if the story is highly embarrassing).

Pearl picks up. “And then the waitress was like ‘um sorry, do I know you?’ and Lapis’ face went so red. And I just told her she was really drunk and we left so quickly and we couldn’t stop laughing so we stood outside the bar for ten minutes crying and laughing…. we looked completely crazy!”

Peridot is looking at Lapis with awe. “Jesus, you don’t hold back do you?”

Lapis grins, and their eyes remain locked for just a second too long.

The evening continues, the group slowly becoming less and less sober, and Lapis feels so at ease that it shocks her. _There’s something special about these people_ she thinks to herself. _I’ve got to try hard to keep them around._

** Peridot **

****

It’s around 1 in the morning, and Peridot realizes she briefly fell asleep leaning against Lapis’ bed. Opening her eyes and stretching out her arms, she begins to look around. She spots Pearl and Amy sleeping on a blown up mattress in the living room (one girl’s head at each end of the bed) and a lone Lapis doing something on her laptop on the sofa just behind them.

Getting up, she pads into the living room. Lapis looks up from her screen and smiles gently, holding a finger over her lips to signify quiet. Slipping onto the sofa beside her, lapis shifts so Peridot can see.

It’s an editing app with the video footage they took the other day. However, clicking off the app Lapis shows Peridot what she was actually doing; listening to music on spotify, of course, and…. researching volleyball tournaments in her area?

Pointing to the one starting in a fortnight, Peridot whispers, “we could do that?”

Lapis nods. “I was thinking about asking you if you were planning on entering us into any, but then I wasn’t sure if there were any near us so I just thought I’d look…”

She shuffles, tucking her legs underneath her, giving Peridot room to move closer towards her, which she barely resists.

They end up listening to music, as usual, while Lapis types what she says is a ‘directive summary’ of her short film. They’ve gone through ‘Lover, you should’ve Come Over’ and ‘Sense’ to ‘Andante Andante’. Peridot feels her eyes begin to get heavy again. She thinks about how good it would be to join a competition. How good it would be to play with the whole team.

Without thinking, without planning it, she shifts her body to turn and face Lapis. Looking up from her laptop, Lapis grins and whispers “what?”

“Put your laptop on the floor”.

“Why?”

“Just do it”.

Still grinning, but also looking slightly bemused, Lapis places her laptop on the floor in the space between Amy and Pearl’s mattress and the sofa. She sits back up, turning so she is also fully facing Peridot. “What now?”

For a moment, Peridot just stares at her. Drinks her in. Looks at how beautiful Lapis is in the pale moonlight streaming in from the kitchen window. And the knowledge of what she’s about to do barely even enters her brain. She takes a deep, adrenaline filled breath.

When they kiss, it melts a part of her body she didn’t know was capable of melting. Lapis’ lips are so soft and so sweet and Peridot can’t believe how _good_ kissing someone actually is. She leans even further forward, trying her absolute best to be gentle, moving to sit on Lapis’ lap and finally _finally_ threading her hands into Lapis’ hair. It’s soft. She, in her entirety, is so soft. She smells like lavender and when Peridot pulls away she feels her lips tingle pleasantly.

Catching her breath, she stares at Lapis. Lapis stares right back, her expression almost unreadable, exempt for the look of complete awe in her eyes. Her cheeks are flushed with red. Her lips are bitten.

And then Lapis lunges forward with surprising ferocity, and their teeth collide, planets collide, and they kiss so hard that Peridot swears she can see galaxies behind her eyes. Lapis’ hands are suddenly everywhere, in her hair, on her neck, grasping at her shoulders. Her body heat is driving Peridot crazy and her lips kill every coherent thought she tries to think. She can’t remember anything apart from this.

-

_‘Andante, Andante_

_tred lightly on my ground._

_Andante, Andante,_

_Oh please don’t let me down’._

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should definitely have been writing my essay and doing my reading for my online lecture later today but....this was much more fun ;)
> 
> Also, this may be super sweet and fluffy but PREPARE YOURSELVES for the ULTIMATE DUMBASS ANGST because I can't give anything to you guys that easily, where would the fun in that be?!
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter are:
> 
> \- Unloveable by The Smiths  
> \- Goodie Bag by Still Woozy  
> \- Lover you should've come over by Jeff Buckley  
> \- Sense by Tom Odell  
> \- Andante, Andante by ABBA
> 
> On a more serious note, thank you all so much for reading the fic and leaving such lovely comments, it makes me smile! I hope you have a great rest of the day, and next update will be soon. Lots of love x


	8. !Bad Idea!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agreements are made, side-eyeing occurs and Peridot has family drama to deal with. Lapis likes knitting and they both have no self-control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey kiddos, long time no see! 
> 
> Sorry about the wait for this update, I had an essay due yesterday and I had to put all my attention into that which delayed this update by quite a bit. I also have another one due in the next week, so the next update may take a lil while too :(
> 
> HOWEVER, I am super proud of this chapter and the drama is starting to unfold. i didn't expect to have so many ideas for this fic, but now I'm thinking this might actually be more than ten chapters! Like, much nearer to 20! So hopefully that's something you all will look forward too.
> 
> Have a lovely time reading, and i'll see you in the end notes x

Lapis

**2:15 AM**

She pokes Peridot’s cheek tentatively. They’re still on the sofa, and neither one of them want to drift off just yet, but Lapis can see her eyes growing heavy, the air getting thicker with sleep.

“Bad idea”, Peridot mumbles, her eyes now slits in her otherwise perfectly round face.

“Bad idea?”

A half-awake nod. “Bad idea”.

Lapis feels her stomach drop a little. Bad idea…. to kiss her?

Peridot seems to pick up on this confusion, looking up sleepily at her in her best reassuring gaze. In the moonlight, Lapis can see the dim green of her eyes and the moon creates a perfect halo around her wild blonde hair. She’s pretty in a way that Lapis has never seen before. She can’t imagine anyone ever topping it either.

“Jasper…gonna kill me”

“Fuck Jasper. She doesn’t own you”

“No”, Peridot shuffles in closer. Her body now fully pressed against Lapis’ side, “but my mum does. Japer's my stepsister. She told me to stay away from you…said you were her ‘territory’”.

Lapis snorts indignantly. “Well I’m _not”_.

Peridot sighs, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She looks up then, right into Lapis’ own gaze, and when they lock eyes she feels all the breath in her body evaporate because _this girl_ takes her breath away. There’s something about her, something about her in the moonlight that is doing crazy things to Lapis’ heart. She feels Peridot’s small smile forming on her own face. “What if she didn’t have to know?”

“Hmm?”

“Well, it’s not like it was anything serious, right? I mean…we can just…. do that again and make sure she doesn’t know and everything will be cool. No fuss, no mess, just us hanging out and-“

“Occasionally making out?”

“Yeah”

“What, so we kiss and roll around on the floor a bit and then on Saturday’s I have to pretend I haven’t shoved my face in your face?”

“Precisely”.

Lapis hears a snort coming from the bed below. Pearl shifts in her sleep. Amy’s arms are spread starfish style across the bed, resting on the pink haired girls’ shoulder, but they both still look peaceful. Undisturbed. Lapis swallows.

“We don’t tell anyone. That way there’s less risk”.

“Not even Amy? Pearl?”

Lapis swallows again. It feels ugly, even the idea, of hiding something from Pearl. But…what exactly is she hiding? The fact that she kissed Peridot. The fact that Peridot kissed her? It’s news, for sure, but it’s not vital knowledge. No one needs to know.

“No one needs to know”, Peridot echoes her thoughts, finally falling asleep, her head slumping sideways into her lap gently. Lapis hesitates for a moment, fingers pausing over the blonde tsunami, before gently running her fingers through Peridot’s wild, thick wavy mane. Heat rises in her cheeks. _What are we doing?_

_What am I doing?_

-

Peridot

Okay, so kissing Lapis had been a mistake. Theoretically it had been a mistake. Like, she definitely shouldn’t have done that. She feels dirty, a cheat, going back on her word that she gave to Jasper not even a week ago that she wouldn’t make a move on Lapis.

She chews her lip, running her fingers through her hair and sighing.

Even if it had been a bad idea, she couldn’t stop thinking about it no matter how hard she tried. No matter how many times she thought about volleyball, or her test coming up, or about Amy trying to braid her hair the other day (so much pain had been inflicted on her skull) she just couldn’t get Lapis’ damned smile out of her brain. The way her skin smelled. The way she had tasted.

Twiddling her pen in her hands, she shakes her head, sighing again. _Stop. No. Bad thoughts begone!_

Just as if God himself was in on the practical joke of her life, her phone starts ringing and Peridot almost doubles over when she sees the name pop up on her screen.

**_Mum_ **

****

Clearing her throat and adjusting her glasses, Peridot picks up the phone, composing herself. “Hi mum”

Shuffling on the other end. Voices. _She must be in the office._

“Hello Peridot. Did you get my email?”

She had. She hadn’t read it yet, but she had seen it pop into her inbox.

“Yeah, I did”.

“Good, I trust you’re attending then.”

Quickly clicking through her emails on her laptop, she scans the email. Something about dinner with her clients. An off the books business deal attempt.

“It’s on a Saturday”

“And?”

A pause. No sympathy in her mum’s voice, just expectance and assumption and disappointment, all mixed in to one giant ball of fiery impatience.

“Yes, I’ll come. Do I have to bring anything?”

Down the line, her mum laughs, and although it’s meant to sound humorous, Peridot feels incredibly uncomfortable. “No, just yourself. Jasper is coming too, so I expect your best behaviors and dress okay?”

Peridot hums affirmatively.

“Okay. Have a good week. Study hard and don’t let your guard down”.

When the phone clicks off, Peridot wants to lie down on the floor and face plant for a thousand years. She chooses flopping down dramatically onto her bed instead, which isn’t quite the same, but it makes her feel a little bit better.

She thinks about it. A business dinner with clients that her mum wants to offer a deal with. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. Jasper and her step-dad should be there, so it’s not like the attention will be entirely on her. For once, she’s sort of grateful for their existence, even if Jasper is a bully and her step-dad does call her ‘shorty’.

Ironically, her step-dad is probably more affectionate with her than her own mum. Which is whack, but Peridot’s whole life has been whack. So.

She sticks her legs in the air, desperate to do something with her body. She wants to move, to feel her muscles thrum. Getting dressed into her sports gear and tying her hair up in the mirror, she takes a look at herself. Yeah, she’s short, but she’s good at two things: falling for people she can’t have and volleyball.

Trying to muster up a little joy, she smiles at her reflection, and it smiles back. Her freckles look good today.

It’s the evening, so nobody is really about. The training hall at her uni has volleyball net, and when it’s past 7pm no one is usually suing it, especially on a Thursday evening. Peridot grabs a few balls, and starts shooting them across the net, serving to herself and feeling the anger she wants to let go so badly being pummeled across the hall with force that she is extremely proud of.

_Yes_ she reaffirms in her head _this is one thing I_ can _do._

-

Lapis

Lapis knows it’s stupid to miss someone you saw literally a day ago. It’s so sickeningly stupid to miss someone’s smile, and laugh, and the cute way they scrunch up their nose and their freckles, which splatter their face.

Okay. It’s stupid to miss Peridot. It’s always Peridot that’s on her mind these days, and Lapis would find it funny if she didn’t, in the back of her mind, know exactly why she was thinking about the girl so much.

And her impulse control has never been good.

So okay, Peridot had said it was a bad idea to go behind Jasper’s back (which was totally unfair seeing as Jasper did NOT own her but, still) and deep down Lapis knows she is right. But there’s a much stronger side of her brain, a louder side of her brain that is telling her that she should kiss Peridot more. She should text her, call her, kiss her, _touch her-_

No. Not going there. Not again.

But it’s 8pm. It’s a Thursday night. What’s the harm in sending just one text? Lapis mulls it over in her head, lying on her bed idly. What could she say? _Her Dot, how you holding up?_ No, too flirty. _Yo, what’s up?_ No, that’s not how she speaks.

She settles on a simple ‘hey, how are you?” and sends it. She then throws her phone across the room. She then regrets throwing her phone across the room because phone’s cost money and she doesn’t want to break it.

It buzzes.

Lapis practically throws herself onto her bedroom floor to retrieve it (which s embarrassing, but no one else can see her so) and flicks up the text message.

**Peridot**

Good, just ballin’. You?

Lapis snorts. Ballin’? _Dork._

**Lapis**

_Yeah, I’m good._

She chews her lip, trying to tell herself not to do it, but her fingers slip and whoop

_Miss you though._

She feels her face flush and her heart start to hammer in her chest. It’s ridiculous.

**Peridot**

Miss you too L.

And Lapis is _weak._ She’s ringing her before she knows what she’s even doing, and Peridot answers on the second ring and then there’s just silence as they breath down both ends of the phone, like the dumbasses Lapis realizes they both are.

“Where are you?”

“Campus gym”

“Meet me by the lake in 15?”

“Done deal”

“Cool”

“Cool”

-

One of Lapis’ favorite things about campus is the lake. It’s huge, spanning across one’s filed of vision easily at least 40 meters. In the evening lamplights, which beam across the rippling water, it looks absolutely magical. The trees which join an off campus forest on one side paint the perfect Bob Ross painting setting from the campus side viewpoint, and Lapis members seeing it for the first time and falling absolutely in love.

She doesn’t know why she picked the lake of all places. It’s kind of chilly, even though it’s summer, and there are not too many people about making it quite obvious to anyone who would happen to know them that she and Peridot are here. Alone. Together. But it’s hard to care when Peridot arrives, her hair messy, her face red from exertion and her glasses framing her round face in the cutest way. Lapis forgets how to breathe. How to even speak.

Sitting down beside her on the soft grass, Peridot shuffles closer so that their knees are touching, just barely, but it’s enough.

“The lake’s beautiful at night”.

“Yeah”.

The blonde pulls her knees up to her chest and bites her lip. It’s infuriatingly endearing. “My mum phoned earlier”.

“Yeah?’

“I have to go help her win over some of her business friends Saturday evening. A dinner.”

As if thinking about it before she says it, Peridot glances at Lapis, but Lapis is all ears and only gentle smiles, listening and encouraging.

“She only wants me there because it makes her look good”

Lapis places her hand, ever so gently, on Peridot’s face, cupping her cheek. “There’s no way she wants you there just for that reason”.

“You don’t know her Lapis. She really…”, Peridot turns away to hide what Lapis thinks is shame, “she really doesn’t care about me”.

“That can’t be true”.

“I mean, it can be”.

Lapis shakes her head. “No way. There’s no way that she can’t care about you when you’re so….”

“So?”

“So _you._ Peri, I’ve never met anyone like you”.

She earns a smile, albeit a weak one, from Peridot, who then goes back to staring at the lake.

But Lapis isn’t done. “You’re incredible at motivating the team. I see how you do it, every Saturday, and you make everyone really want to take part and be confident in themselves. You’re so loyal, Amy talks about how loyal you are all the time. You’re smart.i mean, I could _never_ study engineering, and you’re,” she pauses, “you’re really cute”.

Lapis realizes she was gazing out at the lake, but when she turns back to face the smaller girl, she is met with green eyes. Blazing, intense, green eyes.

“You mean that?”

“Of course I do”

Something shifts, then, in the atmosphere around them. Lapis isn’t exactly sure what it is, but she feels the intensity radiating off of Peridot’s small body. They don’t mean to end up so close to each other, but when she’s around Peridot Lapis can’t help it. Her body just gravitates towards her, wants to touch her in any way possible, and doesn’t want to let her go.

“Lapis?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you”.

-

When Saturday rolls around, the practice is one of their best yet.

Lapis is especially excited by her own growing skills, which are beginning to help the team move together even more in sync. She knows that Jasper is on the other side of the net, too, which makes every single toss she attempts over the net that much more powerful and intensive. She’s sick of being bullied into submission, and although she’s too shy to confront the problem head on, imagining ‘accidentally’ bashing Jasper in the face with a ball and crushing the opposing team feels equally good.

When they take a break, Lapis is careful to avoid Peridot. Just because she wants Peridot to survive the dinner. Jasper may not be the biggest threat to her, but she knows it would be a bad move to get too touchy feely with Peridot in front of her.

Somehow, she ends up next to Sadie and Pearl, talking about music.

“You love ‘The Smiths’ too?!”

Sadie giggles, her short blonde curls bouncing in the beach breeze. “Who doesn’t? My favorite song is by them. ‘This Charming Man’ is a classic!”

Pearl grins. “True, true. What kind of music does your band play then?”

Sadie scratches the back of her head, a little embarrassed at all the attention but pleased nonetheless. “Its kind of indie rock I guess? We were trying to be more edgy but I think we’re all on the softer side of looks, y’know?”

While Pearl and Sadie chat about band outfits and costumes, Lapis quickly glances around, trying to locate Peridot. She spots her sitting next to the Steven kid, who is teaching her how to make what looks like a sound mound. It’s very sweet. When their eyes met, Peridot quickly glances to check Jasper is not looking, and then winks at Lapis. Feeling her face burn, she whips her head around, ignoring the snort of laughter she hears coming from the blonde girl’s direction.

-

Peridot

Practice was good.

Japer didn’t talk to her too much, Lapis kept looking at her (even thinking about it makes her giddy with pleasure) and she even made friends with Steven. He was surprisingly sweet, even promising to bring Peridot a spare ukulele and teach her a few things after practice next week. His innocence and friendliness had caught Peridot off guard in a way she couldn’t explain, but he had warmed her heart a little more than she expected him to.

Standing in the hallway of her mother’s house (which was unfortunately only a half hour drive from her dorm) Peridot glances in her childhood hallway mirror. It’s full length, and has a yellow paint stain that won’t come off the wall, no matter how much her mother scrubbed at it. She remembers how much she got yelled at for spilling it on there, and the thought makes her shudder.

She shakes her head, trying not to think about that stuff. She’s wearing a yellow dress, which is slightly on the girly side but suits her just fine, and she looks good, she _knows_ she does.

The cooking had gone extremely well, too. Her mother had been pleased when Peridot had presented her with the fancy ramen broth, the beautifully cooked noodles and the tofu, which Peridot had marinated and coated to perfection.

_You can do this._

She picks up the wine her mother requested, and makes her way back to the dinner table.

There are three guests: the owner of the cyber company her mother wanted to make a deal with Mr. Andrews, his wife Mrs. Andrews and their son James. All in all, they had been friendlier than Peridot had expected.

Her mother notices her presence when the wine is placed in the center of the white table. “Ah, thank you Peridot. Could you pour the glasses?”

Jasper snickers and Peridot feels quick anger burn in the pit of her stomach. Jasper was never commanded about by her mother, and it was especially unbearable when their step-dad, Arthur, wasn’t there after all to quell her bitchy-ness. But tonight, Jasper is being treated like the real daughter whilst Peridot is being treated like the fucking housemaid.

She closes her eyes. _Breathe._

The talk of business becomes distant hubbub as she traipses around the table, filling glasses, folding napkins, smiling ever so politely.

Mr. Andrews turns to face her as she fills his glass. He has kind eyes and a full moustache; a combination which would have usually been funny but now is oddly comforting within the fluorescent, cold kitchen light. “So, Miss. Tereul, what are you studying at university?”

“Oh! I’m studying engineering and architectural design.”

“That sounds mighty interesting! You’ve got a smart kid, Mrs. Tereul”.

Peridot glances up, hopefully, but her mother’ smile is brief and insignificant as she changes the subject. A quiet snicker is heard again from Jasper’s direction, but Peridot ignores it. _You can do this._

But before she ahs a chance to sit down and relax, Mrs. Andrews is asking questions too. “Do you have a boyfriend, Peridot? You’re wonderfully pretty!”

Peridot flushes, thinking about Lapis. _Definitely not a boy._

“Um, not at the moment,” she laughs awkwardly, scratching her nose, “I guess boys were never really interested in me”. 

Mrs. Andrews nods and smiles warmly. The boy, James, grins impishly up at her. His eyes practically scream _'Gay?'_ ' and, when no one is looking, Peridot flashes him a quick wink and he grins even wider. His genuine niceness shocks her a little. Mrs. Andrews continues, oblivious. “You’ll find someone soon then, you’re quite a catch!”

Her mother interrupts. “Peridot is smart, sure, but she has no time for boys. She’s going to become successful before she even _thinks_ about dating”.

Mrs. Andrews frowns, before quickly turning to a polite smile. “Ah, I see”.

As the talk turns back to business, Peridot finally sits down. Jasper’s strong perfume fills her nose as the taller girls leans in. “Does your own mother not even know you’re _gay_?”

“She never asked.”

“God, you’re so pathetic. You let her treat you like shit”.

“Jasper, she’s my mother, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?”

Jasper sighs, taking a sip from her wine glass. “The more and more I get to know you, the more pathetic you get.”

Peridot grimaces, feeling the anger bubbling beneath her skin. But she can do this. She doesn’t need help from anyone, or approval from anyone, or love from anyone. All she wants is to get through this stupid dinner.

-

Later, when the Andrews’ leave, she is asked to clean the dishes. Jasper disappears off into the night, saying she has to ‘study’.

“They didn’t make me a deal”.

Peridot turns around, and sees her mother, illuminated under the cold light of the kitchen, standing in the doorway. She looks…angry.

“Oh…I’m sorry”.

“You need to try harder to make a good impression next time”.

“Okay”.

“Jasper was perfect. She nailed the conversation. Why are you always so awkward?” And her tone of voice isn’t even malicious. Her mother is genuinely curious, which makes Peridot feel even more quietly enraged. _How am I meant to make conversation with you belittling me with every chance you can get?_

Peridot grits her teeth. Closes her eyes. _You can do this._

She turns around, and smiles her best smile. Anne Tereul looks at her, all big-doe eyes and long blonde hair. _She really has no idea how mean she is._

“I meant what I said, by the way.”

“Which bit?”

“The bit about not dating”. Her mother is now next to her, reaching for a dish and pouring soap onto it. “You have potential. Mr. Andrews is right, you’re whiplash smart. You’re captain of a volleyball team. You don’t want to waste it on dating, okay? Don’t let anyone near you before the age of 25, got it?”

Jasper’s words ring in her head. _You’re pathetic._

“Okay”

-

Lapis

When her doorbell rings, Lapis is half asleep. She’s watching Camp Pining Hearts (to her own embarrassment) and knitting. But Pearl was busy hanging out with Garnet, and Peridot was at a dinner. She doesn’t really know Amy all that well enough to ask her to hang out and…okay, she’s a little lonely.

So when the doorbell rings, her mind races.

_Maybe it’s Jasper? No, she doesn’t know where I live. Pearl? Sometimes she comes by. But she’d usually text first…no, she’d_ always _text first._

She pads to the door, rubbing her eyes.

Peridot is standing in her doorway in a yellow dress, her hair and clothes dripping with rain and a determined look in her eyes.

“What are yo-“

When they kiss, Lapis isn’t ready for it. Their teeth bash together, their noses clang and Peridot flinches when her nose ring gets tugged accidentally. It’s a mess, but it still sends chills down Lapis’ spine. Because she’s hopeless. Because she’s weak.

“I booked a tournament with another university”.

“For when?”

“Two weeks time”.

“Peri, that’s great!”

“And…” the blonde girl pauses, water droplets trailing down her nose, “this _is_ a bad idea”.

Lapis gulps. “And?”

“I like it”.

And this time when they kiss, their mouths slot together perfectly. Lapis’s front gets soaked with water as the littler girl melts into her body, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about anything anymore except keeping Peridot warm. Kissing her. Holding her.

They stumble inside, Peridot shoving off her wet shoes, both their breathing heavy and deep.

“You’re wet”

“I know”

“Dry clothes?”

“Yes ma’am”

They practically race to Lapis’ room. She chucks her favorite deep blue hoodie and shorts in Peridot’s general direction, but turns around so she can’t see her getting changed. Her heart is racing, her blood pumping violently.

“Lapis?”

“Yeah?”

A small hand on her shoulder spins the taller girl around, and she’s faced with the cutest sight her eyes have ever seen. The hoodie absolutely swamps Peridot, bulging its fabric all the way down to her lower thighs, the shorts buried underneath the material. Her hair is still damp, and yet somehow still sticking out absolutely everywhere. Her face is flushed.

Lapis bends down to roll the bottom of the hoodie up, so it sits more comfortably on the smaller girl’s hips. When she touches her thighs, the smaller girl shivers. The tension between both of their bodies is static, Peridot is _static._

Lapis stands up slowly, taking her sweet time. She touches Peridot’s face. “You’re cold”.

“Keep me warm”.

They kiss, mouths melding together, clinging to each other desperately; Lapis feels her body explode with tiny electric shocks. This feeling, this intense vibrating of her skin, is _everything._

Peridot is crashing into her, full force, no drawbacks. And this is a game that they both should not be playing.

Maybe that’s why Lapis is all in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WhEW they have no self-restraint which...is very relatable lmao. Hope you enjoyed this part of the story, I'm actually so excited to keep updating and building on this fic, I've never been so hyped about one before! 
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter directly:
> 
> \- 'This Charming Man' by The Smiths
> 
> Songs that this chapter was written to/implied:
> 
> \- "Bad Idea" by Girl in Red  
> \- "Bad Ideas" by Tessa Violet  
> \- "Feel it Still" by Portugal, the Man
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed writing! As always, thank you for your comments (you're all the best!) and I will see you (hopefully) soon. 
> 
> Have a lovely week, and until next time x


	9. Buzzcut Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tournament is set, summer is reaching its peak and fireworks are lighting up the streets. But most importantly, things never go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> As you'll know if you read my last chapter, I had an essay due in this week so that's why the update took forEVER and, my dudes, I am sorry ;-; 
> 
> However, I'm hoping this chapter is good and keeps you entertained while I'm writing the next *longer* one. I was going to wait to update it until I had a decent chunk of writing but honestly I'm trying really hard to make it good and so this lil chapter is, again, basically the prelude to the next few chapters. But I still hope you enjoy, and I'll see you in the end notes x

**Lapis**

Lapis is the best at dressing to impress, and today is no exception. It’s a two-outfit kind of day. A training day and a ‘hanging out with Peridot and it’s a date but not really a date but also it totally is’ day. The kind of day where, after practicing as a team for several blissful hours, she’ll change in a crummy beach hut into her pre-packed evening ensemble and look incredible and everyone and their mothers will know it.

At least, she hopes so.

Packing her beautiful long blue maxi skirt and matching crop top carefully into her duffel, Lapis can’t help the huge grin that spreads across her face. It’s only 9am and she’s already thinking about Peridot Tereul. Every time she sees her face inside of her mind, that gorgeous song by Lord… _was it ‘Buzzcut Season?’_ starts playing. Her smile. Her adorably round cheeks. Her freckles. To think that just a few months ago, spare her wonderful friendship with Pearl and occasional film making fervor, Lapis’ life had felt so empty, and now it felt almost _too_ full. She had someone that she wanted to be around all the time, every day, and it was an unusual feeling though not unwelcomed at all.

But, as she checks her hair and subtle makeup in the mirror, Lapis knows that she feels more badass than she’s ever felt. Ready to take on anything. She’s French braided her sleek blue hair (leaving her fringe to shine) and has subtly lined her eyes. Her sports gear (because she eventually was lectured by Bismuth that a white sundress was not exactly volleyball friendly) now consists of a plain white t-shirt with black sports leggings and her new favorite possession: her volleyball trainers. White, with stripes of red and green. They make Lapis feel like a proper sports player.

She closes her eyes, allowing the grin to fully take over her facial features. _This is a step forward_ she thinks, _towards something great._

-

When she arrives at the beach, she can’t help but stop at the top of the dust trail that leads down onto it. Her headphones are humming Jeff Buckley into her ears, and the sun shines into her eyes. The early morning breeze smells extra salty and light, and the rippling waves of the sun on the water are almost completely undisturbed. There is something solitary and yet comforting about the scenery that makes Lapis feel at home.

The beach is quiet, even on this summery Saturday, and Lapis spots her target right away. Amongst the yellow of the sand and the girl’s own yellow mane, it takes Lapis a second, but not long enough for her to be totally unprepared for the hug that she’s enveloped in.

She can smell sun cream and sweat. Her stomach flips fiercely.

“ _Lapis”_ , the smaller girl whines, holding her with fierceness.

“Geez, we saw each other literally yesterday, miss me that much?”

“I wasshopid”

Unplastering Peridot’s face from her neck with her gentle hands, Lapis strokes the side of Peridot’s cheek affectionately. The gesture seems to not only calm the other girl down but also set her face on fire, which is incredibly cute. “Slow down. What’s up?”

Big green eyes stare mournfully at her. “I was stupid Lapis! I shouldn’t have organized a tournament with three other schools in blind rage just because I was mad at my mum! We’re nowhere near good enough yet! What if we lose? What if-“

Lapis places a hand on Peridot’s lips in an attempt to regain silence. It is highly effective.

“Look”, she smiles, “there’s no way we’re gonna lose, okay?”

Reluctant sniffing. A shy flush. “How’d you know?”

Lapis bends her neck down so that her face is completely aligned with Peridot’s. Every feature, from blue-green eyes to tan-pale cheeks to slim-pointed noses, match up perfectly, and she feels giddy with the closeness. She always feels giddy with the closeness.

“Because we’re going to practice so hard. We’re going to train individually as well as together. We’re going to master everything you’ve corrected us on, and by the time two weeks roll around we’ll be incredible”

“You’d all do that? For me?’

Two smiles. Two bodies breathing together in time. A quiet summer breeze.

“Yes”.

-

**Peridot**

When the rest of the team arrives Peridot feels _pumped_. And not just because of Lapis’ support.

Okay maybe mostly because of Lapis’ support.

Kiki and Sadie are as chirpy as ever. Bismuth has just given Peridot a new volleyball with a doodle from the Steven boy on it and the sun is blazing down on them. Amy, too, is in good spirits.

“Alright”, she starts as they gather around her, “I booked us a gig with three other schools. It starts in two weeks and it’s gonna be in the town over from us. Can everyone make it?”

A chorus of agreement. _Thank stars._

“Okay”, she continues, “the plan is to train as hard as we can for the next few weeks. I need everyone to run at least once a day and to eat healthy. I also need you to practice individual techniques by yourselves when possible and to fully focus your mind on winning.”

She looks down at the ball in her hands, with the doodle of Peridot and Steven playing ukulele together, and she can’t help the tender smile spreading across her face.

“I _know_ that we can do this. I get the feeling that we will fall down, on our way up, but we have to give it our all and try our best. I’m counting on each of you to do yourselves proud, and to make me proud too. Who’s in?”

Lapis winks and salutes her. Sadie and Kiki high-five each other and grin. Bismuth is…looking at her with teary eyes? Amy is twiddling her thumbs and obviously itching to get her hands on the ball.

“Let’s START!”

-

_“Nice serve!”_

After Peridot’s pep talk addressing the team and spilling the news of the tournament, Peridot feels extra fired up. Lapis was right. Everyone is in surprisingly good shape for a band of people so different from one another. And, bonus, it’s just the core team and Steven today and no other…unwanted.... presences for her to have to deal with.

Not that she hates Jasper. Just that she’d rather not have her there. Like, ever.

As the tosses and receives become a little repetitive, she can practically hear that song Lapis was playing the other day when they were goofing around in her living room in her head. They had been watching Lapis’ favorite show ‘Camp Pining Hearts’ and then had challenged each other to a dance party. _Who was it by?_

_‘Her mind’s made up she don’t wanna go steady’_

“Kiki, to your left!”

_‘She’s only seventeen so she’s prob-ly not ready’_

“On it!!”

‘ _A-M-A-N-D-A- Norgaard.’_

She starts humming absentmindedly as the team serves, blocks and receives. It’s weirdly peaceful. The ball moves slower than most people seem to think it does, at least to Peridot. She had always found that her brain worked quickly in high-pressure situations. She almost completely forgets that she’s mumbling lyrics until she gets caught.

In the face. By the ball.

She’s not perfect, okay?

Sadie and Kiki are giggling like crazy. “Peri”, Sadie is shaking, “you can’t sing ‘The Vaccines’ and spike!”

She blinks. “That was…The Vaccines?”

Kiki snorts. “You don’t even know what songs you’re humming along to?”

“Lapis played it for me. I didn’t know who it was by!”

Kiki places a hand on her hip and raises her eyebrows. Sadie smirks. Lapis and Amy are chatting on the other side of the court. _Thank the stars._

“I-It’s…it’s not like that! We were just both here early one time and-“

“Early coincidentally? Or on _purpose_?”

Peridot winces. _Dammit Kiki._

_“_ Hey what’s takin’ so long to serve, Dot?”

Peridot turns around to face the net. Amy and Lapis are staring. Kiki and Sadie are grinning. Bismuth…. Bismuth is just throwing punches at the air in the corner, completely blissful. _Blissmuth._

“Nothing!! Nothing’s taking so long!!”

She hears giggles around her, and glances over at Lapis, who looks equally bemused and amused, and closes her eyes. Taking in a deep breath, she tries to control the red tsunami on her cheeks and picks up the ball.

“Game…ON!”

-

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

Kiki is helping her pack up, but she’s obviously not done flaunting her suspected knowledge all over Peridot’s unforgiving red face.

“There is no secret! To protect!”

Kiki practically _winks._ “I think it’s cute you don’t want to share the news just yet. You two are made for each other”.

Peridot reaches a leg out to jab Kiki’s knee, but the attack is missed easily with a crafty side step, a giggle, and a retreating wave.

‘Bye-bye Dot! Hope keeping that secret doesn’t combust ya!”

A tap on her shoulder. Amy, brimming with curiosity. “Dude, what’s everyone got on you today?”

“They want to know my secrets”

Amy smirks. “Hiding any of ‘em from me?”

Peridot feels a slight chill settle on her skin as she stares at her best friend. Because…she _is._ Because she really shouldn’t be, but if Jasper found out from anyone….not that Amy would say anything but….she feels guilty for lying. For not having the courage to tell the truth. But Amy is smiling jubilantly and Peridot can’t bring herself to do it.

“Can’t hide anything from you anyway Ames, you’re too invasive.”

“Yeah, yeah, you just suck at playing dumb is all”, the stocky girl waves her off and goes to pick up her sports gear. Peridot is left standing alone, waiting for Lapis to come back from getting changed, and she feels strangely unsettled.

_Because you’re lying to your friend! The one who’s always got your back and trusts you completely!_

She shakes her head. _It’s not even serious at the moment_ she tells herself. _We’re going on a date but it’s not…. serious. Right?_

-

Lapis’ date outfit looks dead serious.

Peridot feels extremely guilty for thinking her sweaty sports getup was good enough for their evening firework venture, but Lapis is all long legs and short wispy French braids. Her dark blue maxi skirt and crop top are matched with white trainers and gold hoop earrings that frame her face in such an astounding way that Peridot can’t help but feel intimidated, even if it’s just a little.

Lapis smirks, and Peridot regains her composure.

“Like what you see?”

“Definitely”

Two grins, shared in the midst of a summer breeze. It feels warm.

“Let’s go”

**Lapis**

Against her better judgment, Lapis had not brought a jacket. She also had worn sandals, which were beginning to chill her feet in the increasingly cool evening breeze. But Peridot looks incredibly adorable in her yellow tank top, green army jacket and shorts with her volleyball trainers, and Lapis thinks that, as they stroll through the crowds of the inner-city, hands firmly joined, they look good together. Like maybe, just maybe, they make perfect sense.

And tonight was the perfect night. Jasper was out of town, Pearl was busy studying for a final exam, Amy was off…doing whatever Amy did when she wasn’t around, and Peridot’s mother hadn’t contacted her in a week.

_Yes,_ she thinks, a _perfect weekend._

The town’s beach buildings look beautiful at night as the orange glow of the streetlamps cast warm shadow over the rooftops. They find a place to stand in the middle of the pavement close enough to see the entire moonlit sky, and there is a peace in the buzzing air that feels immeasurably beautiful.

Finally, Peridot breaks the silence. “Can I ask you something?”

Lapis squeezes their conjoined hands in response.

“I just realised”, the blonde mumbles, peering down at her shoes and threading her free hands through her unruly hair, “that I’m always talking about my family, but I’ve never asked you about yours?”

Lapis freezes up, just for a second, but its enough for concerned green eyes to meet her own. Brushing it off, she smiles. “Nothing special, I guess. Just me and my dad.” She pauses, before deciding it’s not too TMI to continue. “My mum died when I was little, but I don’t remember much about her because I was so young”.

“Ah…sad, I’m sorry. Do you miss her?”

“Sometimes, but sometimes I forget that she existed at all and then I feel worse than when I do remember her. I was…two…only just, when it happened.” She looks down at her sandals. “I have one really clear memory and that’s about it”.

Peridot turns so that they’re bodies are facing each other again. Lapis can feel her warmth radiating across to console her, and a gentle hand comes up to hold her cheek. Lapis smiles and feels the familiar melancholy wash over her, but it’s eased a little by the view of the girl right there in front of her.

“It’s funny, because I never thought I’d have a real family, and I thought that was just going to be my normal forever…”, she pauses, chewing her lip, “but then…but then I met you”.

Peridot’s cheeks light up with a deep red that stains her nose too. “Lapis…”

“It’s true”. She takes both of their hands, holding them clasped together between them, “I met you and…I’m not saying that you’re the missing piece of me or something cheesy like that, but I just mean that I’ve never been so comfortable around a group of people before. But you, you make me feel comfortable”

She smiles, looking down shyly at her shoes again. “I guess I just want to say thank you for that”.

It takes a moment for a reaction, but when Peridot kisses her, Lapis feels fireworks explode in her lower belly that fuel that arm feeling inside of her even further. Peridot’s hands are on either side of her face, holding her cheeks, and the buzz of the crowd around them fades away until all she can hear is the breaths shared between them.

And the fireworks start. In the distance, someone is playing ‘Teenage Dream’ on a loudspeaker, and Peridot is giggling about it. The air is filled with smoke and light, and Lapis feels her world become brighter and brighter and brighter.

-

Several days later, and Lapis still isn’t quite over her first date.

She starting to think she’ll never quite get over it. _But_ she muses as she rolls onto the other cooler side of her bed _why would I even want to get over it?_

It had been perfect.

So perfect, in fact, that for the last few days all she had done was roll around on her bed stuffing her face into her pillow and muffling screams of excitement and happiness. Her face had ben a constant blanket of pink-red blush. Her eyes had gained an incredible spark that made her look a little manic, but Lapis felt incredibly content.

Just as she decides to get off her ass and make something to eat, there’s a knock on her door. Padding towards it, Lapis opens it to find Pearl, disheveled, standing there.

“Hey Pinkie. Haven’t seen you-“

“Can I come in?”

Pearl’s voice is ominous, startling, and Lapis feels a chill make its way up her spine. _Something’s wrong._

“Of course. Want some coffee?”

“No thanks, I’ll only be a few minutes”.

Confused, but also curious, Lapis lets her in until they are both standing in the hallway. Pearl is refusing to meet her eyes, and Lapis just knows something is weird about all of this. Her ecstasy is beginning to fade into a sea of worry swelling in her gut.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Okay, shoot”

“But…you can’t be mad at me”

Lapis folds her arms over her chest. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because…”, Pearl fidgets with her hands nervously, “it’ll make everything weird. And I hate that. But I just…I can’t just not say it and regret it forever, so I’m going to, okay?”

Lapis nods. Pearl takes a breath.

“I like you”.

And Lapis feels her stomach plunge. _Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit-_

“I know you don’t like me that way…and I know you like”, she swallows, unable to even say Peridot’s name, “her more than you like me. And that’s okay; it’s not your fault. I’ve been almost over it for a while, and I didn’t think I’d ever have to tell you. But it was hard”, her voice wavers, “it was so hard watching you catch feelings for someone else when I was right there, _right_ next to you, for ages”

Lapis feels her body freezing up. Her brain has stopped working and goose bumps are absolutely everywhere on her skin. “Pearl-“

Pearl flinches. “No, let me finish”. She finally meets Lapis’ eyes, and there is sadness in them that Lapis hates seeing, but feels helpless in preventing. “It’s funny because I got my hopes up over the littlest things, like the fact that you listened to all those albums with me in first year late at night, and how we used to just…do everything together…and I knew it wouldn’t last forever but part of me….part of me is just jealous I guess. That you like someone else. That you’re spending less time with me.”

“But…Pearl you know that you’re irreplaceable to me, right?” Lapis is trying to keep the desperation out of her voice trying to hide her absolute devastation. “I’m so sorry that I don’t feel the same way as you, and I don’t know what to say, but you’ll always have me okay? No matter what. This doesn’t change anything in the way I see you”.

Pearl smiles, albeit weakly, and there are tears brimming in her eyes as she turns to leave. “That’s kind of the problem, isn’t it?”

Just before she turns the handle, she turns to face Lapis one last time, taking a deep breath. “I knew you would say something like that, and Lapis…I’m really glad that this doesn’t change anything, okay? I just need some time…”

Lapis nods, helpless.

When the door is shut behind her, Lapis feels her muscles unclench slightly, but she feels completely empty, her stomach a bottomless pit. Slowly, without realising, she is sinking to her knees.

Moving to wipe the hair out of her face, she feels wetness on her cheeks, and it’s only then that the tears are noticed. She feels herself let go, little by little, as sobs starts to wrack her body completely and she lays down, heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch, my baby Pearl is sad ;-;
> 
> But sometimes it be like that.
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter, as always:
> 
> \- Buzzcut Season by Lorde  
> \- Lilac Wine by Jeff Buckley  
> \- Norgaard by The Vaccines  
> \- Teenage Dream by Katy Perry
> 
> Songs that I listened to when writing Pearl's confession:
> 
> \- Liability by Lorde  
> \- Heather by Conan Gray
> 
> Next update will be in about 3/4 days time, I'm working on a longer chapter and am aiming to have it up fairly soon. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this one and that you have a wonderful day! x


	10. Trouble on my left, trouble on my right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a lot of crying tbh, what more is there to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consistency? IDK HER. (For real sorry this update took a while but I have exams at the moment!! Also the new she-ra season came out and FUCK it was so good). 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this lil mess! I'm sorry for spelling mistakes if there are any, I suck at finding them so...oops!

**Peridot**

Sometimes Peridot looks up at the sky, whether it’s from her tiny dorm window or from the grass of her mother’s lawn, and feels like sinking into the abyss. Sometimes she feels the urge to run away, to leave absolutely everything behind, and sprint towards the sunset. No problems, no worries, no nothing.

Sometimes, she really doesn’t want to have to visit her mother.

But it’s a Monday evening and when Anne called her asking why she hadn’t visited as much as Jasper, Peridot had cycled over begrudgingly. If there’s one thing she doesn’t like, it’s being shown up by her bratty step sister.

_But it isn’t all bad today_ she muses, lying on the cool grass in the garden _because Arthur is here._

“Hey kiddo, want to try some kombucha I made myself?”

_Speak of the devil._

“Sure”.

She sits up, and is handed a tall glass of brown liquid. Arthur squats down in front of her, grinning from ear-to-ear. He has curly brown her and grey eyes, crinkled around the edges even though he’s only in his late twenties, and Peridot suddenly feels a small warmth in her chest. Taking a sip, she hums.

“It’s good!”

“Right? I made a lot, so why don’t you go ahead and take a bottle when you head back, my treat?”

And her heart melts. _Why the hell is someone as kind as you married to-_

“Arthur, that won’t be necessary. That stuff makes you gain weight”.

Leering cold eyes. Long blonde hair. Permenant frown.

“Mum, I don’t think one bottle of kombucha is going to do anything.”

Arthur nods gently. “Yes, Anne, it’s just a little treat. I made enough for us all”.

Rolling her eyes, Anne sits down next to Arthur and directly opposite Peridot, asserting a dominance into the conversation that somehow makes the summer air around them seems slightly colder. For all the cutesy potted garden plants and honey-brown fencing, her mother is not very warm. “Fine dear, but she can’t afford to put on weight now. If you let go at her age..well, that’s it for your organs”.

The doorbell rings, echoing through the open backdoor. Anne stands back up. “I’ll get that”.

Waiting until she’s gone, Arthur turns back around and grimaces apologetically. “She’s not in the best mood today kiddo, don’t worry. You look great, oaky?”

“…why are you so nice to me?”

Arthur blinks. An escaped curl joins onto his left brow and he looks a little bewildered. “Why wouldn’t I be? You’re my step daughter”.

Peridot blinks. And blinks again. And then shakes her head slowly. “Look, I don’t need you to be…like…my savior. Mum doesn’t baby me, she never has, and I don’t need you to either. I’m not your responsibility.”

She watches as his face falls ever so slightly, and feels a little guilty. He reaches for her shoulder, ever gentle, and squeezes it lightly. “No”, he says matter-of-factly, “you’re not my responsibility. But I still am gonna take care of you like you are.”

His hand feels warm. It feels unnatural and foreign. “Why? You didn’t choose to marry my mum for me, you chose her for her. We’re not a package deal”.

“Peridot, you deserve love from both parents. Every kid who has both parents does. I know we’re not blood, but I want to look after you, take care of you, make you feel just as loved as your mum does. It _is_ my responsibility, and I’m grateful because you’re such an awesome kid. Why can’t you see that for yourself?”

She meets his eyes, and green and grey fuse for just a second, and for that one small second, she feels a parental love not quite received before.

But then the backdoor is crowded with the return of her mother and the arrival of Jasper. Grinning self-righteously, Jasper saunters across the lawn, all six foot of her clad in gym clothes, her white hair swept over her head, her undercut on show. Her mother trails behind her, looking at her like she hung the moon and stars, and Arthur lets go of her shoulder to stand and hug his daughter, his realdaughter.

Standing, she brushes the grass of her clothes and goes to grab her phone. Her mother looks over at her, eyes picking apart her frame. “Where are you going Peridot? You only just got here”.

“Home. I have to study”.

She nods, her eyes calculating and indifferent. “Well okay, you always did have to work hard to get the grades. Stay on guard”.

And then she is turning back to Jasper, asking how she’s doing, without a second thought. Arthur glances at her, as if he is about to say something, but seems to change his mind when Anne finally takes a sip of his kombucha and compliments him on it.

Walking back through the house, Peridot feels her face heat up in embarrassment. Her eyes begin to brim with dumb tears, and she makes a quick dive for the bathroom before someone catches her crying. Locking the door, she holds herself over the sink as they spill over her face, hot and heavy. And when she looks up into the mirror, she sees red cheeks, scruffy blonde hair and red-rimmed eyes.

_Yeah_ she thinks _it’s no wonder I’m not good enough for her._

-

After she’s done crying and scrubbed the evidence away, she quietly opens the bathroom door and tiptoes along the corridor towards the front door.

Unfortunately, there is a white haired mountain waiting for her.

“What do you want, Jasper”.

The taller girl looks down at her, and there’s something in her eyes that Peridot can’t quite read. An emotion she hasn’t really seen on the girls’ face before. It looks like…pity.

“I just wanted to say-“

“I don’t care. Get out my way”.

Jasper growls with frustration, but side steps to unblock the door. However, when Peridot steps towards the door, a hand grabs her shoulder and she is spun back around. Struggling to remove the vice-like grip, Peridot feels _pathetic_ tears well up in her eyes again, and eventually stops struggling.

“What do you _want_ Jasper?” She hates how meek her voice sounds.

“You need to stop letting your mum bully you.”. The taller girl rolls her eyes, a small embarrassed flush staining her cheeks. “Look, I know I’m no sister to you and the feeling’s mutual, okay? But your mum treats you like absolute shit, and…”. She pauses.

“And what?” _Slightly less pathetic sounding this time, good job._

“I don’t like seeing it happen, okay? It’s frustrating as hell. Meet me for coffee at Blue’s café tomorrow at 11. You don’t have class then, right?”

Peridot shakes her head. “What for?”

The embarrassed flush grows deeper across Jasper’s face. “You may be puny, and whiny, and a little bit pathetic, but you’re still related to me. We need to start acting like it, I guess”.

-

**Lapis**

It’s been two days since Pearl confessed, and Lapis still can’t stop crying about it.

And the worst part is that she didn’t see it coming. At all.

Looking back, she thinks, there were so many signs. Pearl looking hopeful at seemingly nothing, Pearl staying up all night with her, Pearl going out of her way for Lapis every single time she needed something. Lapis feels disgusting. She feels like she was using Pearl for her own gain.

She shakes her head. _No_ she scolds herself, _you didn’t know how she felt about you._

But should she have guessed? Should she have paid more attention? Lapis chews her pencil aggressively, her lecturer only a distant buzzing in the background.

All she wants is to see Pearl. All she wants is to call Peridot, or text her, and not feel guilty about it. All she wants is for this awful feeling to go away and never ever come back.

And then a voice in her head whispers, just softly enough to be heard.

_Just run away again._

_Just leave it behind and run away again._

She shakes her head again, more vigorously this time. _No! That’s not the answer!_

Her phone vibrates just as the spiral becomes too much, and she glances around the room to make sure the other students aren’t paying attention to her before she checks her phone eagerly.

Peridot

You on campus?

Lapis

Yeah, in a lecture.

Peridot

Lake when you’re done?

Lapis

I have a ten min break, so can’t for long…that oksy?

Peridot

Just want to see you. Ten minutes is all I need.

And despite everything, Lapis smiles. Her heart flips.

_Because you’re pathetic_ she thinks.

_No, because you’re in love._

-

Despite the day being grey and cloudy, the lake still holds a warmth that Lapis finds comfort in. Little bugs crawl along the sides of the soil-y debris and the smell of salt drifting in from the nearby sea makes her feel peaceful. Happy.

And then she is hugged from behind.

Giggling, she turns around to face Peridot. The smaller blonde girl is swamped in a dark green hoody today, but this time her hair is held back in a ponytail and she is wearing her glasses. Her freckles gleam in the grey mist and she smells wonderful (as always). Lapis’ heart melts every time she sees her. And then she thinks about Pearl, and she feels the guilt spike in her gut.

Peridot looks up at her, hands on Lapis’ waist and a concerned look in her green eyes. “What’s wrong, are you okay?”

Lapis shakes her head, forcing a smile onto her face. “Yeah I’m fine”.

Peridot looks unconvinced, but doesn’t push further, which Lapis is grateful for.

Together, they sit down into the damp grass and Lapis circles her arms around Peridot’s small body, placing her in the middle of her lap. She closes her eyes and lets the comfortable silence fill her with contentment.

“This isn’t very ‘casual’”

Lapis’ eyes reopen. ‘What?”

“I’ve been thinking. We’re not very good at being casual”.

Lapis chews her bottom lip in thought. “I guess not, no”

Peridot moves her head so it rests on Lapis’ collarbone. Her eyes are closed and the dew of fog shines on her face. “Lapis…”

“Yeah?”

“I _really_ like you”.

“I really like you, too”.

Lapis prepares herself for what she thinks is coming. A ‘but’. A ‘what if we shouldn’t do this’. A ‘maybe we’re not right for each other’.

“I wanna sleep with you”.

“WHAT?!”

Shoving Peridot off her lap, Lapis feels her face burning with embarrassment. And something else that she’s not ready to admit. Peridot is snorting with laughter and rolling around on the floor in an absolute fit. Lapis calms down a little, feeling affection flood her stomach. _This idiot._

She squats down and pokes Peridot on the forehead. “Has anyone ever taught you manners, shorty?”

Their eyes meet. Peridot grins wickedly. “I’ll take what I can get, Lazuli”.

Lapis watches as she sits up and readjusts her glasses. Turning to face her once again, her expression has changed to a more serious one. “I guess that came out wrong. But I really like you and I guess I just wanted to say i- wait why are you crying?”

Laughing a little wetly, Lapis shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s nothing…”

“Lapis, it’s clearly not nothing. Tell me.”

“I really like you too, okay? I just feel…guilty”.

“Guilty?” Peridot furrows her brow. “Why?”

Lapis sniffs loudly and wipes her eyes, feeling embarrassed _again._

“Pearl…Pearl told me she was jealous of you”.

“….because she likes you, right?”

Lapis looks up, a little shocked. “You _knew?!_ ”

Grimacing, the blonde girl scratches at her hair. “I mean it was kind of obvious…I thought you were _dating_ her before we really started talking…Lapis don’t cry more!”

But the sobs won’t stop coming, and Lapis gives up fighting them. She lays on the ground and covers her face, hoping to save at least some shreds of dignity.

She feels a small, warm hand on her shoulder.

“Lapis…it _isn’t_ your fault”

“I made her feel like _shit!_ I made her feel like she wasn’t _good_ enough! I feel like a horrible _horrible_ person”

“But wouldn’t it be more horrible if you pretended to have feelings for someone who you think deserves real feelings?”

Blinking, Lapis feels her brain short-circuit. Peridot continues.

“Look, Pearl seems really nice, and I think she wouldn’t think about it in the way you are at all. She liked you, yeah, because she’s gay and literally everyone and their mother has to be a little bit gay for you because you’re so damn pretty, Lazuli”

Lapis snorts. “Shut _up_ that is so not true”

She can hear Peridot’s grin in her voice. “It’s true. But if you don’t feel the same way that’s okay. What’s not okay is leading someone on, and as soon as she told you, you didn’t do that at all.”

Her arms pull Lapis up into a hug, and Lapis feels a little weight fall off her shoulders. Even if it’s only a small relief, the feeling of Peridot’s warmth is something she didn’t know she needed as much as she does.

-

**Peridot**

_Is_ everyone _in love with Lapis?_

_Am_ I _in love with Lapis?_

The café is crowded, but no noise pierces through Peridot’s hazy thoughts after the lake incident. The picture of Lapis, who Peridot sees as someone so strong and reserved, crying like that makes her heart break a little.

_Am I in love…with Lapis? Do I even know what love is?_

She mulls it over. Sure, she likes Lapis…like… _a lot._ She likes her so much that her insides clenched up with jealousy when Lapis mentioned Pearl (even though she was never going to admit that to Lapis because, well, obviously that was now a sore spot). And she cared about her. Every time Lapis smiled at her, flirted with her even a little, or snorted when she laughed at something dumb she said, Peridot’s heart flipped relentlessly. _Is that what love is? How do I know?_

Her thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of Jasper. Today she’s displaying her buzz cut white hair in a large ponytail, and is dressed exclusively in JD sports outerwear gear, and Peridot forgets for a moment why she agreed to this meeting in the first place.

“I brought something for you”.

Jasper sits across from her, and slides a small envelope across the table. Picking it up cautiously, Peridot opens it and her jaw drops.

“Where did you find this?!”

The smug look on Jasper’s face is almost enough to quell her joy, but not quite. Staring up at her is one of the only family photographs she’s ever had taken in her life. It had been taken last year on their one and only trip outside the country as a group. Anne and Arthur had just got married, and they had decided to celebrate by taking her and Jasper to Rome. A few moths later Anne had taken down all the photographs and (supposedly) disposed of them because she thought her hair looked ‘bad’ in every single one.

But staring up at her is a bright eyed, hopeful Peridot, with her blonde hair longer than it is now, cascading down her shoulders. The scenery is beautiful, a coliseum of Renaissance architecture towering in the background. Her eyes are bright with excitement and Arthur’s arm is casually slung around her and her mother’s shoulders in an easy affection only Arthur can achieve. Jasper stands next to her, tall and ominous, and yet with a gentle smile on her face that exudes something that Peridot had been unable to read before but almost looked the same as hers. And now she recognises it as…hopefulness.

She doesn’t realize how long she’s been staring until Jasper clears her throat.

“I think we started off on the right foot. Maybe it’s time we went back to that, don’t you think?”

And Peridot feels her face form a small smile.

“Yeah. Yeah…I’d like that”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The anthems for this chapter:
> 
> \- Trouble by Cage the Elephant  
> \- Bros by Wolf Alice
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one, and thank you for all your lovely lovely comments, it makes my heart so happy ;-; ! 
> 
> Have a wonderful day, and I hope to see you soon with another update! I'm thinking this fic will have about five more chapters (but I'll have to see how it plays out) also I'm DYING to write a catradora fic asap so there might be that to look forward to if you're into she-ra!
> 
> As always, see ya soon! x


	11. Can't Pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of phone calls, meetings and angst. Lapis has her running shoes on, and things are about to get complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm...sorry? The angst....my hand slipped...! ;)
> 
> (also I apologise if there are spelling mistakes in advance, I really suck at finding them so...oops).

**Lapis**

One week before the tournament, Lapis takes up running. It shouldn’t be a big deal, because running is something Lapis has always been good at, but she was never exactly dedicated to anything before. Running towards something, instead of running away, was a change she hadn’t seen coming. Not that she couldn’t get used to it.

But early in the morning, at around 6am, no one was really out on the beach. Heck, no one really haunted the streets either. Lapis felt so free, running without onlookers, without eyes following her, without judgment. And when she ran, her thoughts faded away to blankness. When she ran, she didn’t have to think about Pearl or Jasper. Running set her mind free.

(And also it was boosting her stamina majorly which means she would hopefully be able to perform super well at the tournament and impress Peridot….but that wasn’t the most important thing about it).

Checking her phone to see the miles she’d covered, Lapis felt sweat drench her neck and back as she jogged across the beach. Looking out to sea, she allowed some of the thoughts to creep back in to her head, slowly and carefully. She thought about Pearl, and how much she wanted to call her and tell her about Peridot. She thought about Jasper and how nervous she was that the girl seemed to not have given up on her. She thought about the others on her team and how badly she wanted to be friends with all of them but didn’t quite know how to fit in as well as they seemed to fit together. Unconsciously, as her mind became more cluttered, she sped up and up until she had to stop and take a breather. She closed her eyes, inhaling.

_You don’t have to suffer._

The little voice in her head gnaws gently on the side of her brain. She tries to drown it out by listening to the sound of her elated heartbeat.

_You always run away. It’s the only thing you’re good at._

Squeezing her eyes shut, she bites her lip until she tastes blood.

_You can run away. There’s still time._

She shakes her head. _I don’t need to run away. Nothing’s perfect, but I’m all right. I’m okay._

_….right?_

-

On the way to class, she spots her.

The girl has always been tall, but as she saunters over to Lapis the obvious height contrast is held over her in a way that makes Lapis’ stomach churn uncomfortably. The white hair is in its’ classic ponytail, undercut and all. She’s in sports gear because when is she not? Her eyes, sharp and demeaning, are focused on her in a way that puts all thoughts of attempting to slip into a near alleyway and hide out of Lapis’ mind. You couldn’t run from Jasper, even if you wanted to.

“Lapis, long time no see”.

“…yeah, I guess”.

Jasper runs her fingers through her hair, allowing a grin to take over her face. It’s intimidating. It’s terrifying.

“Why don’t we grab a coffee and catch up? Feels like forever since we’ve talked”.

Lapis shakes her head, attempting an apologetic smile. “I have class”.

“After?”

_Think of a convincing lie._ “I have volleyball practice in the gym”.

“…Peridot doesn’t have practice today. You two are on the same team….”

_Fuck._ “It’s one-on-one training! Me and Amethyst are going to practice serves and receives together and it was the only day we were both free!”.

Jasper crosses her arms. Lapis swallows nervously. “Tomorrow then?”

And Lapis decides that she’s done fighting. She’ll have to just think of a way to reject Jasper, once and for all, and do it over coffee with minimal drama. Slowly, her mind settles on the idea. If they were in a coffee shop, Jasper couldn’t cause a scene and she wouldn’t be able to tower over her, raise her voice or do any of the other intimidating Jasper things that made Lapis’ arm hairs stand up.

Sighing, she submits. “Okay, tomorrow”.

As Jasper walks away, Lapis hits internal free fall.

_Why did you agree to that?!_

_How the hell are you going to get through that?!_

_This is the time where you pack your things, leave a note for Peridot and take the night train to Barcelona and create a new life from scratch. Fuck uni. Fuck volleyball. RUN. AWAY._

-

**Peridot**

Jasper is being weirdly nice to her and it’s freaking Peridot out. Agreeing to not menace each other is one thing, but sending Peridot cat memes with the comment ‘this is you’ was a new first in their sibling relationship that was…not unwelcomed but totally unexpected.

And yes, she did love cats. Jasper had guessed right.

Sending each other memes, occasional texts and meeting for coffee worked fine for her. But one week before the tournament is due to begin, Jasper sits down across from her at Blue’s café with a determined look on her face, and Peridot feels a sense of apprehension that had mostly been discarded in the past week.

“I asked Lapis to get coffee with me”.

Her stomach drops. A surge of anger and jealousy washes through her veins and her heart begins to pulse. _Play it cool. Play it cool._

“Oh…she said yes?”

Jasper smiles and nods, her eyes alight with something Peridot can’t read. _Happiness? …mirth?_ “Yep, took a bit of convincing but I worked my charm”.

Peridot feels her stomach drop lower, feels her skin begin to tingle. _Don’t show it. Don’t feel it. Push it down._

Looking at Peridot, Jasper seems to be searching for something, but when she doesn’t find it, she shakes her head, seemingly thinking to herself, and changes the subject before Peridot has a chance to even dig a little deeper.

“So, I was thinking you should invite Anne to the tournament”.

Pensive but grateful for the change of subject, Peridot quirks a brow. “Why?”

“So she can see you do something you’re good at. She doesn’t give you credit for stuff she can’t see, so why not show off what you’ve got?”

Peridot chews her lip. “She wouldn’t come”.

Jasper nods her head sympathetically and reaches over the table, placing a hand of Peridot’s shoulder. The gesture is supportive and surprisingly affectionate, making Peridot feel extra guilty about…certain blue haired girls.

“Look, she may be a brat sometimes but she’s your mother. Nothing is more important to her than you, she just doesn’t know how to show it. If Arthur and me show up, she’s not going to refuse the tag along. I think it’s a good idea”

Nodding, she considers it. _Would she…be proud of me? If we won our match?_

“What if we loose?”

“Loosing isn’t what counts. Playing a match you organized with a team you built is enough”.

Smirking, Peridot leans forward. “Coming from _you_? Jasper the competitive? That’s rich”.

Jasper snorts ungracefully. “Yeah yeah shorty, just heed my words, okay? She’ll be impressed”.

-

Later, Peridot sits at her desk, studying equations and chewing on her newest biro pen. She hasn’t messaged Lapis since yesterday. Not after Jasper told about their date.

She mulls it over. She knows for a fact that Lapis isn’t interested in Jasper, but there’s a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach that if Lapis slipped up…let anything about her and Peridot slide….

Sighing, she lets her face drop into her hands. She didn’t want it to come to this. She doesn’t want to choose between her stepsister and her…what even _was_ Lapis to her? Were they dating? Not exclusively. Not officially. Were they texting almost every day and making out occasionally? Yeah. So…it wasn’t lying, saying there was nothing between them to Jasper. Right?

She snaps out of her spiral when her phone buzzes. It’s Amy.

“Dude, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen ya in like…two days!”

Peridot giggles. “Sorry sorry. I’ve been busy!”

An indignant snort is heard from down the line. “Sure, Dot. Busy with your _girlfriend?_ ”

“Lapis is not my girlfriend!”

“…I didn’t name any names”

“Shut up. We’re not dating, okay? Not exactly…”

“Want to fill me in? You sound kind of stressed out, and I want Chinese food”.

Peridot feels a grin forming on her face. She really _really_ likes Lapis, but Amy is definitely her best friend.

“Of course, dummy”.

-

“So lemme get this straight-“

“Straight is the wrong word, Ames”.

Snorting, Amy reaches for the spring rolls. “Okay okay, sorry. But let me get this straight, you and Lapis are sort of dating but not really dating because you’re both scared of what Jasper’s gonna say? Dude….you don’t even _like_ Jasper!”

Peridot chews on her rice. “Yeah, I didn’t. But then she started being super nice to me recently. Like…she gave me a photo of our gamily that I thought we’d lost, she’s been trying to help get mum to notice me a bit more, and she’s…I don’t know how to describe it but she’s trying to be nicer.”

“And you’re sure it’s not because she wants something from you?”. Amy’s arms are folded across her chest. Her face is suspicious. Peridot considers this. Did Jasper want something from her? She surprisingly didn’t think so. There was something genuine in the way she had started acting towards her.

“I think she feels sorry for me”.

“Like how a rich kid feels sorry for a stray cat”.

They both snort. “Is that so bad?”

Amy grins and shakes her head. “I’m not saying she’s a bad person, okay? I’m glad she’s trying to be nice to you, but Lapis isn’t her property and you don’t owe her Lapis rights just because she’s being nice to you”.

Sighing dramatically, Peridot flings herself onto the carpeted floor of Amy’s dorm. “Why is life so complicated?”

Amy follows suit. “Dunno, I’d like answers too”. Peridot nudges Amy’s leg a little.

“So, what’s bothering you?”

Amy scrunches her nose. “Nothing!”

“Bullshit”.

“Okay…but it’s not a big deal and you _can’t_ tell your not-girlfriend, okay?”

With a nod in response, Amy sits up. “Pearl….Pearl likes Lapis right?”

“Yeah, everyone knows that”.

“So she probably wouldn’t go out with anyone else…right?’

Peridot whips around and sits up. “You!! You like her?!”

“Dude calm down!”

But Peridot is gleefully and frantically poking Amy’s cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Since when?”

Amy casts her eyes downward a little. “You’ve been busy lately. We don’t exactly hang out every day now. But I wanted to tell you, I just…I dunno it’s annoying I guess? I always like girls who like someone else and it’s frustrating as hell”.

Two firm hands are placed on both of Amy’s shoulders. Peridot’s eyes flash with passion. “Amy, you’re my best friend. Every single girl who you like deserves to know, even if you’re not sure of the answer, because at least then they have the chance to go out with someone as amazing as you. You may have to make the first move, but if Pearl doesn’t see you that way someone even better will!”

Rolling her eyes, but barely suppressing a grin, Amy removes the hands on either of her shoulders. “When did you get so wise?”

“When I started hanging out with Lapis”.

“Enough with the sap!! You’re the sap monster!”

And as they giggle and snort unattractively, Peridot briefly forgets how worried she is about Lapis and Jasper and lets go a little.

-

**Lapis**

“I’m nervous”.

Peridot’s voice is comforting to hear down the phone, even though Lapis is about to walk into her meeting from hell with Jasper. “Don’t be, just follow the plan”.

“Run through one more time?”

A familiar giggle. “Okay, okay. Tell me what you’re gonna do, Lazuli”

Lapis swallows, and wears a smile. “I’m gonna tell Jasper I like someone else. I’m going to ask her if we can still be friends, and I’m going to come over to yours afterwards and you’re going to hug me for my bravery”.

“I can do other things to reward you for your bravery”

Lapis face fires up. “That sounded like you were insinuating something….else”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see. But you’ve got this, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Peri”.

“No problem Lazuli. Can’t wait to see you”.

Lapis’ face couldn’t possibly be more on fire. “Dork…. I can’t wait to see you, too”.

-

The coffee shop is flooded with sunlight, and as Lapis check the perimeter for any signs of Jasper and finds none to be see, she feels a little calmer. _I’m here first. That’s good._

She orders a hot chocolate. Knowing that caffeine was not what her already nerve-wracked system needed right now, and sits down to wait. It’s not long before the white-haired girl arrives in all of her track suited glory. She winks when she sees Lapis, which makes Lapis feel incredibly uncomfortable, and goes to order.

_Run away! What the hell are you still doing here?_

_Shut up, brain._

“Couldn’t wait to see me?” Jasper is smirking, sitting down opposite Lapis with a coffee and the nerve of three professional boxers.

“No, I have class in a bit so I was already on campus”.

Grinning, Jasper stirs her drink. “Sure. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you wanted to go out with me again. Will you?”

_Who raised you to be this forward?!_ “Look, Jasper I-“

“I know you’re embarrassed because I was your first, but I mean….God, Lapis, I really like you, okay?”

Lapis swallows. Her heart is beating so fast in her chest that her breathing is uneven, and her head is spinning with anxiety. “Jasper, I’m flattered, but…I like someone else”. _There. You’ve said it. You’ve done it now. Fuck._

“Who?”

“What?”

Their eyes meet across the table, and Jasper’s are set in a hard line. There is something in them that Lapis wasn’t expecting. Hurt. Disappointment. “You heard me. Who do you like?”

Swallowing, she bluffs. “You don’t know her”.

“I think I do. I think I know exactly who you’re talking about. I think…I think we’re going to have to make a deal, Lapis”.

Irritation overrides the previous fear Lapis felt in her gut. “I’m not making any deals”, she spits, “with you”.

“You like Peridot.”

Lapis clamps her mouth shut. A few seconds of silence tick by.

“Am I wrong?”

Lapis doesn’t answer.

“So, here’s the deal”. Jasper shifts so that their heads are close together, and the closeness sucks the air out of Lapis’ lungs. “Peridot doesn’t need someone like you. You’re complicated. You’re messy. You’re trouble. She needs someone stable and well balanced. So, the deal is this: you leave Peridot alone, and I’ll leave you alone too”.

“That’s not-“

“That’s not true? Look around you Lapis. How many friends do you have? How many people have you hurt? You’re complicated. You’re messy. You’re trouble. Tell me I’m wrong”.

There is more silence. Lapis stares intensely at the wooden table, hot tears pricking the corner of her eyes, and cheeks flushed with shame.

“I don’t mean for it to happen”.

And she feels a hand on her shoulder. Jasper’s face has gone back to gentle. She smiles almost…sympathetically. “Girls like you and me never mean to be trouble, Lapis. It’s not something you can control. It’s not something I can control. But we can control the people we hurt and don’t hurt, so do this for my sister, okay?”

And Lapis holds back the tears as best she can. She lifts her head to meet Jasper’s eyes.

“Okay”.

-

**Peridot**

She’s studying in campus kitchen with Amy when it happens. Her phone rings and she sees Lapis’ name pop up, so she picks up eagerly.

“Hey Lazuli, how’d it go?”

“Fine. It went fine.”

There is something in Lapis’ voice that sounds…off. “So did she back off?”

“…sort of”.

“What do you mean?”

There’s a weird rustling sound on the other end of the line. A sniff. “We can’t do this”.

Peridot feels her blood run cold. “What….what do you mean?”

“Jasper, she may be a bitch, and a snob, and a control freak, but she’s right. I’m trouble. I hurt people.”

“That’s not-“

“It’s okay”, Lapis’ voice sounds like she’s trying to comfort Peridot, but it’s failing miserably, “I know who I am. I’m not…I’m not good like you, Peridot. You deserve someone good, like you.”

“But Lapis, what about what _I_ want? I want _you_ ”.

Another sniff. What sounds like a sob? “You might do now, but you’ll get over it. You”, her voice cracks, “will find someone better. I can’t screw up someone’s life. Not again”.

_….again?_

“Lapis….don’t do this”.

“I’m doing this because I care about you. Don’t message me, or call me. It’ll just make it harder”, there’s more shuffling and sniffing. “This is what I’m good at. Running away is what I’m good at”.

When the line dies, Peridot feels the phone slip from her hand. The buzzing noise in her head that had started on the phone gets louder and louder. She is vaguely aware of Amy asking if she’s okay, but the tears that flow down her face are all that she can register.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe....OUCH. 
> 
> This hurt my soul when I was writing it because i am weak, but there will be a happy ending!! I promise!! Eventually!! 
> 
> The songs that go with this chapter:
> 
> \- Can't Pretend by Tom Odell  
> \- Supposed to Be by Tom Odell  
> \- Change of heart by The 1975
> 
> Hope you are having a wonderful day, and that this chapter didn't make you too sad. Next update will hopefully be exactly one week from now (I have almost finished my exams) so I'm hoping to get it done soon. Thank you for your lovely comments, I can't believe so many cool people are reading my story it makes me emotional ;-;
> 
> Lots of love, and have a great week! x


	12. Love is the Warmest Colour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking to your friends is important, standing up to people is important and holding your ground is important. 
> 
> OR
> 
> Peridot makes a stand and Lapis finally comes clean about what really went down with Jasper.Things BEGIN to be resolved (emphasis on begin lmao).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that distracted boyfriend meme? That's me rn with this fic and also writing another fic at the same time whilst having 2 exams left to revise for as well. And to that I say....oops?
> 
> (I literally sat at my desk and hyper-focused on this for two hours so I hope it's not a complete disaster, I might come back and edit it a bit later BUT I'm also proud of it and wanted to feed you the content so I hope you enjoy!). 
> 
> ALSO very very light smut warning towards the end but like it's so light that there's no explicit details mentioned... at all. There will *probably* be more of that towards the end of the story but again I'll warn you about it in advance x

**Peridot**

“So, repeat it back”

“I’ve repeated it back, like, five times. Amy can we just move on?”

Amy shakes her head, face gentle but stern. “I’ll make you repeat it until you sound like you mean it”.

Peridot sighs. They’re in Amy’s dorm room, one of her favorite places in the world. It’s littered with posters of various movies and TV shows she likes, there are polaroid’s of friends hung in random explosions of life and a few plants are scattered around, barely holding onto their last dregs of life (Amy hasn’t exactly got a green thumb) but it feels so homely. Chaotic, but homely all the same.

She closes her eyes, ignoring the intense ‘Amy-being-a-concerned-best-friend’ stare, and breathes in. “I stand up to Jasper, I’ll ask her what happened, and I will find a way to talk to Lapis about it all”.

Amy hums in agreement. “Yes, you will. That’s better”.

They both lie on the tiny single-bed for a moment in comfortable silence, but Peridot’s mind won’t stop racing. It’s been five days, and in one week her team was meant to be facing another first year group in a stadium. She’d never felt less prepared for anything.

And Lapis…was Lapis _serious_ about all of this? Yeah, Jasper was scary and she could be intimidating, but what could she have possibly said that could make Lapis bail on everything completely.

“Is it me?”

Amy shifts, leaning on her elbow to face her. “What do you mean?”

“Am I just…I don’t know,” she splays her arm over her eyes, “too much trouble?”

She feels a sharp thwack on her arm. “OW!”

“Don’t ever think that”.

Peridot huffs, sitting up and glaring at her offending friend. “What the hell, Amy?”

“Err, more like what the hell Peridot? How could you possibly think any of this is your fault? It’s just not like that at all”.

“You say that, but-“

“No buts. Repeat the plan we’ve been over and over again until you get it stuck in your head, because you’re not leaving this room until you believe it”.

“And why do you care so much?”

Amy wrinkles her nose in amused disbelief. Her eyes shine with affection. “You’re my best friend. Best friends look out for each other. Remember first year?”

“…I mean, sure, yeah, but I didn’t do _that_ much-“

Amy hakes her head. “Bullshit. I was depressed, lonely and lost. You befriended me when I needed a friend the most, and you’re the one who told me to go to a doctor. I’m not saying that I couldn’t have done it on my own, but”, she sits up, her face falling into a genuine smile, “you helped me believe in myself. I needed that. Now I’m repaying you the favour”.

The blonde closes her eyes and breathes, letting her face also fall into a small smile. “Okay”.

“Now, one more time”

“I’m going to stand up to Jasper, find out what happened, and find a way to talk to Lapis about it all”.

A smile. Two grins. “That’s better, Dot”.

-

When Monday rolls around, Peridot is not feeling so sure. But Amy keeps messaging her, pushing her to do it, and so here she is, once again, in the same café waiting for the same stepsister with the same anxious feeling eating away at her stomach and lower intestines. It’s not the kind of déjà vu she appreciates, but she knows it’s something moving forward.

“Hey lil sis”. Jasper. All 6 foot of her white blonde, tracksuit clad figure looms above her. _Holy mother of god._

“Jasper, I-“

“-want a mocha with sprinkles? Gotcha covered”. And just like that she’s moving to the counter and ordering two drinks and Peridot is left sweating and reeling. Her body keeps passing from shivering with cold to vibrating with heat and she can hear the thrumming in her head growing louder and louder.

“Here”.

“Thanks”.

Jasper sits down opposite her and sips nonchalantly. Her casual demeanor pisses Peridot off. _How can you be such a bitch and pretend it never even happened? Who raised you?!_

“Look”, she steels herself and dives into the deep end, “I’m not happy”.

Jasper blinks. “Why not? You don’t like the mocha?”

Teeth grind together. _Stay calm. There are other people around._ “What. Did you say. To Lapis. Tell me, Jasper. What the _fuck_ did you say to her?”

Jasper blinks again, and she looks surprised. Like, actually surprised. _Good._ “I just asked her how she was and stuff, no big deal”.

“Piss off with the lies and tell me the truth”.

A smirk. White eyebrows knitting together in amusement. “Whoa, Dot you’re fiery today”. She leans forward, both arms on the table. “Look, I was a little bit harsh but I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I just asked her if she liked you, she basically confirmed it, and then I said that I would leave her alone”.

“What else did you say”?

“Nothing else”.

“Don’t lie to me”. _Calm. Stay calm._

“I asked her if she was planning on hurting you like she hurt me. I asked if she had changed, and when she panicked and ran away, I just supposed she hadn’t. No answers from Lapis Lazuli, just actions”. She leans backward again, chewing her li. “Look…I am actually sorry. I was pissed but…not because of her liking you, I was pissed because I don’t want to see you get fucked over either and she didn’t even defend herself! I said she was trouble and she didn’t even blink, just nodded her head and gave up!”

“….what the fuck, Jasper”.

“What’s the big deal anyway? You two weren’t actually seeing each other….”, she frowns, confusion settling in, “were you?”

And Peridot looses her shit. “Of cOURSE WE WERE SEEING EACH OTHER! FOR FUCK’S SAKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” There are angry tears in her eyes, but she refuses to wipe them, letting them streak down her face. She’s standing (when did that happen?) and there are definitely people staring but for once in Peridot’s life she really, _really,_ feels like standing up for herself.

She grinds her teeth. Closes her eyes and furrows her brow. “Listen to me. Lapis is not your property. I am NOT your plaything. I don’t care if Lapis hurt you, if Lapis is going to hurt me, because for goddamn ONCE IN MY LIFE I want to make my own choices, have my own say, feel my own feelings. I’m done. You can be pissed, but I don’t care.”

She steels herself. _Breathe._ “I just…I just wanted you to be the one member of my family to care about me without me being the means to an end.” She laughs, but it’s without humor. “Guess I was naïve, huh?”

Grabbing her stuff (and leaving her drink untouched) she walks away. There are people staring (the customers, the cashiers, the baristas), some are whispering to each other and one guy even claps. But as Peridot marches away, feeling the rage simmer through her veins, she couldn’t care less.

-

**Lapis**

Her apartment is cold. The windows are all wide open, mosquitos are flying around everywhere and Lapis’ skin itches like crazy.

But she doesn’t feel like moving, getting up and closing them all, because moving would involve feeling physically and she’s already emotionally hung over.

So she lies in her bed, arm placed over her eyes, staring into the blackness. It’s been six days since she phoned Peridot and fulfilled her promise to Jasper. She’s staying away like she said she would, and there have been no attempts to fight her on it from anyone.

Which is fine. She was secretly hoping Peridot would….Lapis doesn’t even know….come over and ask for an explanation, a final conclusion. Something, anything. But as much as Lapis would love to clear things up, the idea of telling her what really happened with Jasper, what really happened when she ran away the first time…it all makes her feel like she’s going to vomit.

Her stomach shifts. _Am I actually going to vomit?_

Distantly, she realizes its because her phone is ringing. But her phone is on the other side of the room (where she had discarded it after getting back from her meeting with Jasper). She hasn’t looked at it since, doesn’t want to.

She closes her eyes, breathing in the cold air. _This is what bad people get for doing bad things. Karma’s a bitch, just like you._

-

Several hours later, and Lapis awakes to the sound of her phone still buzzing. Its getting harder and harder to ignore, the vibration drilling into her brain. She heaves herself up and feels the blood rush to her head. _Holy shit._

Stumbling across the room, slightly off balance, she fumbles around on the floor haphazardly in search of the device, secretly hoping that it’s Peridot. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if it is.

_‘Pinkie’ Pearl is ringing,_

Lapis’ heart collapses in her chest all over again. Staring up at her ceiling, she feels like screaming into the heavens. Screaming at God ‘what the FUCK?’

“Lapis?”

“…hey”.

There’s a slightly awkward pause, and then a totally indignant snort. “Lapis what the hell is wrong with you?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Amy phoned me, said you were off isolating yourself like some kind of theatre kid because you spoke to Jasper. What did she say to you? _Why_ didn’t you tell me about it?”

Lapis sniffs, feeling tears well up in her eyes. “Because…because I was embarrassed. Because I’m a terrible friend and I didn’t want to bother you because-“

“Lapis, shut up”.

“I’m being serious! I don’t want to hurt you anymore!” She feels her heart rate speeding up, and doesn’t want her voice to crack (but it’s already happening). “I’m done hurting people, okay?”

When Pearl laughs down the line, she feels confusion _finally_ break through her fog of angst. “You are so dramatic! Lapis, look, I meant what I said when I told you it wasn’t your fault. Because it wasn’t! I never EVER told you we weren’t friends anymore. You are _always_ going to be my friend, no matter what. How could you even think that you couldn’t talk to me about this?”

“I feel selfish. I feel like all I do is rely on you and you never get anything back”.

“That’s not true. I rely on you too.”

“For _what_?”

Pearl’s voice is gentle again. “You make me laugh even when I’m sad. You told me to accept myself for who I am. You let me tell you about everything that worried me, excited me, and confused me. You listened to me, like no one’s listened to me before.” There’s a pause, but this time it doesn’t feel empty. It feels full. “You’re my best friend, no matter what”.

“No matter what?”

“No matter what”.

Lapis sniffs. “Pearl…”

“Yeah?”

“You’re my best friend too”.

“Good, I’m glad that’s sorted. Now, tell me what happened, okay?”

-

Pear; is good at giving advice. Pearl is also good at flower arrangements. Pearl is _also_ good at planning weddings (but that’s totally irrelevant to what’s happening right now…kind of).

Lapis stands gingerly outside what she is told is Peridot’s dorm room. She clutches a note in her hands, hand-written especially for Peridot (with doodles and everything). She’s wearing her nicest clothes (her white sundress and fancy sandals with the strappy details) and she showered this morning for this first time in five days.

Slowly, she raises her hand to the door. Knocks.

When it opens, she is faced with an unruly mess of blonde, wavy hair, wide green eyes and a cautious gaze. She swallows, summoning the courage she knows is somewhere deep down inside.

“Can I come in?”

“Lapis…”

“I want to explain something. It won’t take long. Then.”, she grimaces, “then you can decide if you hate me or not, okay?”

Green eyes stare directly into hrs. The earth pauses on its axis.

“Okay”.

-

**Peridot**

Lapis is sitting across from her. They’re both cross-legged on her carpeted dorm floor, and there’s a silence surrounding them. It’s not exactly awkward, but it’s not _not awkward either._

Lapis swallows, and she looks like she’s building up the courage to speak. When their eyes meet, it feels important. Steady.

“I owe you an explanation”.

“Yes”.

“It’s not actually going to take a minute, it’ll take a little while. Is that okay?”

“yes”.

She sighs, a small smile gracing her face. “Okay. Good”.

“When I was thirteen, I met Jasper”.

“ _Thirteen?!”_

Lapis flinches, casting her eyes downward. “let me finish, okay? Yeah, when I was thirteen I met Jasper. We went to the same school back in my hometown and she had just moved into the area. I was really young, and confused, and definitely a little unstable”.

She rubs her eyes, and Peridot notices there is a layer of sleep dust embedded on her bottom-lashes. _Has she slept since the day she phoned me?_

“Jasper didn’t have any friends, and I didn’t either, so I guess we bonded over that. It wasn’t anything special, we’d just occasionally skip P.E together and listen to emo bands behind the bike sheds. When I was sixteen, my dad told me he wanted to move and so we moved. She was the only friend I had there, so right before we left we hung out one last time and…and we kissed.”

Lapis furrows her brow, as if the memory causes her pain. Peridot feels jealousy in the pit of her stomach. It’s kind of unfair, Lapis didn’t even know her back then, but Peridot still hates the idea of her being with anyone other than her.

“It was stupid. I was stupid. I didn’t like her like that at all, but I was young and we were both really stupid and I had just realized I was complete gay and so I guess I wanted to know what it felt like…it just sort of happened. I didn’t realize she actually liked me like that”, she laughs, but it is without humor, “which sounds crazy but I’ve never been great with emotions. I just assumed it was a one-time thing and it was because we’d never see each other again. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to make her feel led on, or like I liked her, but I guess…”

She rubs her nose, scrunching it, then continues. “I didn’t see her for two years, didn’t call or text at all, until we saw each other again here. She begged me to sleep with her, and I kept refusing, because I don’t like her like that at all! I told her so many times, but she wouldn’t drop it. Until one night, we saw each other when we were out and I just kind of…forgot my principles. It was consensual. Don’t worry, nothing bad like that. I was really drunk and she was a familiar face and she was being so nice to me and I was lonely and I just…I just gave in. I was tired of fighting it and I thought maybe if I gave in she would stop. So I said yes. I felt guilty the morning after, and every other morning after, and she kept asking me to do it again. I kept refusing, kept saying no, but then she followed me everywhere, wouldn’t stop texting me, and I completely freaked out.”

She shifts, and her eyes stick to the carpet. “She eventually gave up, and I thought I’d finally got rid of her, and then I met you. And, I was really surprised by how much I liked you”.

Peridot sniffs in annoyance. “Surprised?”

The blue-haired girl grins. “Yeah. When we met, I didn’t realize how much you would change my life at all”.

_…oh._

“I’ve always felt…lonely. Misunderstood. I can’t exactly explain what you did that made me feel so loved, so wanted, but you genuinely made me believe I could be a good person. A better person. And then…and then Jasper reminded me that that’s not true”. Lapis stands, placing an enveloped letter on Peridot’s desk, and grabbing her jacket. “She reminded me that I cause trouble. Don’t be mad at her, she’s not wrong. And I just…I know you deserve a choice; I was unfair to just tell you I was done. So that’s the whole story, what I didn’t tell you before”.

She turns to leave, and Peridot feels too dazed to even ask her to stay. _I want you to stay but my lips won’t move._

Just before the door is fully closed, Lapis turns back around. There’s something in her face Peridot can’t place. “I’m a little scared of you, if I’m honest. I think…

I think I’m in love with you”.

“Wait”. Time stops. Everything stops. Peridot’s heart beat stops.

“Wait…. say that again”.

“I think I’m in love with you”.

She stands up, and meets Lapis by the door. They’re close together, bodies only centimeters apart. Peridot can feel Lapis’ breath on her cheeks. Her body is tingling.

“Will you give me a choice?”

A small smile. Interlocking fingers. Lapis, subdued. “Yes. Yes of course I-“

When the kiss, it’s not frenzied like the other times. They come together slowly, Peridot wrapping her arms around Lapis’ waist and pulling her in so they softly fit closer and closer She feels eyelashes on her cheeks, the smell of lavender in her nose, the feeling of euphoria in her heart. They slot together, and planets collide behind their closed eyes. Noses bump. Tongues meld together and Lapis’ little sighs make her heart pulse.

She doesn’t know who moves first, doesn’t care, and doesn’t think about how desperate she must look, they must look. She doesn’t think about the fact that all of this is till so uncertain and raw as she undoes Lapis’ sundress and slides the material down the taller girl’s shoulders. Their breathing becomes heavier, their hands exploring each other more than they have done before.

Peridot’s shirt is pulled over her head, and suddenly, there is no slowness to anything anymore, only speed. Pressure. Heat.

Clothes are piled on the floor; giggles are muffled by lack of air. Peridot pins down Lapis, doesn’t want to let her go ( _she never wants to let Lapis go)_.

“We’re not done”.

“No?”

“No”.

“Shouldn’t we still talk about it I mean-“

She cuts Lapis off, their mouths coming together repeatedly, each time more heated than the last.

“Talk later”.

“Mmm”

She kisses down Lapis’ neck, holding the taller girl’s arms in place above her head, and Lapis’ moans are soft and gentle and _God_ they make Peridot weak. She looks up, their eyes meeting. “Is this okay?”

“Yes… _god_ yes”

_I want you so badly._

_I want to stay like this forever in a bubble with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW what a wild right. 
> 
> I HOPE that this wasn't too much of a hot mess and that you enjoyed it! Again, I'm pretty proud of it but like I said earlier I might come back and edit it when I have a lil more time later (as well as the chapter before this one bc there were a few spelling errors, thanks for your feedback it really helps!) so if I do that I'll let you know on future updates!
> 
> The anthem for this chapter is Nara by Alt-J and honestly I couldn't tell you why I just had it on in the background on repeat and it felt right? So yeah. 
> 
> Thank you thank you thank you for sticking this long ass fic out with me, we're in the home stretch now and I'll see you all very soon. Lots of love and have a wonderful week x


	13. With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot and Lapis make it official, Jasper has things to say and Steven makes a second cameo appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, how've you been? 
> 
> This is basically just fluff before the tournament because THEY CUTE and also I don't know how to write sports and I'm scared LMAO.
> 
> I'm working on the next chapter but I really want it to be good so it may take a lil longer to write, probs around a week, so hopefully it'll be worth the wait! Other than that, I hope you enjoy this chapter bc I think it's cute and we all need some fluff sometimes. 
> 
> Happy reading x

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

**Lapis**

Once you’ve slept in the same bed with the person you love, there’s no going back. At least, Lapis doesn’t want to be dramatic, but she can’t imagine ever sleeping as well as she did last night. Peridot is smaller than her, but their bodies had interlinked in the most confortable, natural way and it had felt so warm. _So warm._

And it wasn’t even what had happened yesterday before they both drifted off to sleep that was making her so happy (even though…she definitely wanted to do that over and over and over again because it was incredible and intense and addictive). What was making her happy was this feeling, settled into the pit of her stomach, that everything was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. She was going to be okay.

This time she didn’t need to run away, because she was wanted right here.

She opens her eyes slowly, adjusting them to the warm summer light streaming in through the small dorm room window. She’s facing the girl across from her, and she takes time to look at the relaxed sleeping face. Peridot’s eyelids are big and rounded, her eye bags less visible when they’re fully closed. Her eyelashes are long and thick, sweeping over her freckled face and adorable nose ring on her right nostril. Her hair is still incredibly unruly, but with half her face bedded into her pillow, it adds an adorableness to her that makes Lapis smile like an idiot.

Cringing internally at how lame she’s becoming, she leans forward and places a gentle kiss on Peridot nose. It scrunches up in response, and green eyes open slowly, revealing a half-asleep grin.

“You watching me sleep, Lazuli?”

Lapis feels her face flush. “Only a little”

“Creep”

“Can’t help it Dot, you’re cute”. Lapis giggles as her girlfriend flicks her on the forehead, her ears burning red.

“I’m not cute!”

“You are”, there’s a gentle chorus of giggles and then a comfortable silence, and “you really are”.

Smiling despite herself, Lapis watches Peridot sit up and stretch her arms up over her head. She has impressive toned arms and a beautiful jawline. Not that Lapis notices that much (or that it’s incredibly attractive). Still looking sleepy, but grinning away, she turns to Lapis and reaches a hand out to touch the taller girl’s face, her thumb resting on the side of her jawline.

“So…”

“Yeah”

“We did that huh”

Lapis snorts unattractively. “Wow, articulate. But”, she scratches her nose, suddenly feeling shy, “yeah, guess we did”.

“Was it…was it good?”

“ _So_ good”.

Evidently, this was the right answer, because now Peridot looks incredibly pleased with herself and it’s low-key making Lapis want a repeat. _Does she even know how hot she is? Like, at all?_

Peridot chews her lip, still smiling as if she can’t bring herself to stop. “I’m going to assume something then”.

“What?”

“This isn’t a casual thing anymore, right? I mean…you said you _loved_ me and in my book”, she giggles, “that’s not very causal”.

Lapis smirks. “Bold of you to assume it was ever casual. I just…I wanted to make sure you felt the same way I guess, And also I didn’t want you to get mixed up in my drama so…that’s why I said all that stuff”. She sighs, sitting up too so they are almost face-to-face, foreheads touching. “I’m sorry if I made everything more complicated than it had to be. I was trying my best to make it less complicated but…”

Peridot laces their hands together. “Lapis, it was me, too. But the point is that we’re here, right now and…and I love you too”. She considers for a moment, and then adds “Also I literally kissed you first, how did you ever think I didn’t feel the same?”

She lets out a small squeak when Lapis hugs her, her body not prepared for the intensity of the contact, but as they both fall backwards onto the bed, they both start to giggle. Lapis leans in and kisses Peridot, kisses her the way she’s wanted to for so long, and Peridot sighs contentedly.

Kissing her feels like everything inside of her that she’s ever felt exploding into tiny pieces all at once. Thumbs on cheeks, hands pulling hair, mouths colliding again and again and again.

_I’ve got you_ she thinks distantly. _I’ve finally got you where I want you._

-

**Peridot**

“Please….let’s stop…I’m literally gonna die”

“It’s been five minutes Ames, push through it”

“Peridot it’s not like we’re all as fit as you”

“Pinkie you used to run half marathons, where’s your fighting spirit?”

Amy, Lapis and Pearl have joined Peridot on her morning runs. Okay, more like she forcibly made them agree to join her on morning runs. She and Lapis had talked about doing it just the two of them, but had decided it would be cute (and also a nice apology for all the drama) if they did it as a sort of squad. Like a band of musketeers but instead of fighting crime they were fighting for winning volleyball matches and better lung capacities.

She shakes her head at Amy, smirking. “Stamina is important, you know that, right?”

Amy smirks right back. “Yeah, tell that to your _girlfr-_ HEY no shoving!!”

Peridot sticks her nose in the air, hoping Lapis and Pearl (who are only a little behind them) didn’t hear. “Ames, don’t _embarrass_ me”

“But you’ve done it, right? I can tell from your little cloud nine aura. You’re easy to read, Dot.” She’s grinning, and it makes Peridot roll her eyes but also makes her want to spill. Because technically, now she can, right?

“Okay fine… _maybe_ we’ve slept together. Only once. Okay?”

“Knew it!”

“It was so good….like…wow”

“Oh-kay don’t get me wrong I wanted confirmation but damn I don’t want details, y’know?”

They both snort. “Yeah, fair enough”. They’re still running, but the conversation seems to be distracting Amy from the run, so she keeps it rolling, determined to push her friend just a little even if her breathing is getting more and more irregular. “So, made a move on..you know who yet?”

Amy glances back, but Lapis and Pearl are about half a street behind them, so there’s not too much chance of them hearing. “Not yet. I think I’m gonna let her be for a little while. I know she’s just getting over Lapis”.

Peridot sighs. “I know, but Lapis told me she said she’d been almost over her for a while. I think it’s worth a shot. I think…”, she chews her lip thoughtfully, “something about the two of you together just seems so right. You’re different but. like, in a good way”.

“Like you and Lapis?”

“Yeah..like me and Lapis”

She feels herself smiling gently when she thinks about her. Long legs, blue hair, blue eyes, _that smile-_

“Wait up Dot!”

Spinning around, Peridot and Amy are met with Lapis and Pearl who have seemingly caught up. Lapis is grinning like crazy, Pearl is smiling at Amy who smiles back. Lapis leans in so their faces are close. “Race you to the beach”.

She runs off laughing as Peridot squeals indignantly. “Cheat!!”

As they race, almost side by side, Peridot feels the wind in her hair and the lightness in her heart and she thinks that Lapis _loves her_ and that life maybe isn’t so bad at giving her nice things after all.

-

When she’s back in her dorm, sweaty and ready to have a shower, Peridot checks her phone.

There’s a message from Jasper.

She wants to ignore it, to throw her phone across the room and then go shower in peace, but she’s naturally curious, so bite her.

Jasper 10:25am 

Meet me today, usual time. Please?

She doesn’t answer. But she goes to take a shower, and quickly gets herself dressed. The walk to the coffee shop isn’t too far, and she’s meeting Lapis again later, so she figures she’ll give Jasper one more chance to say something, anything, in apology. Sighing, she ties up her hair in the mirror, a blonde explosion secured into a ponytail. Her glasses are on, because she can’t be bothered to do her contacts, and she’s wearing her favorite cuffed jeans and aggressively tucked in button up shirt.

Girl in Red, one of the artists Lapis had played for her on the beach before practice, is playing in the background. She feels confident in herself. Secure. Because whatever happens, she doesn’t need it to go well. She has her friends, her girlfriend and her smarts. Sighing again, she chews on her lip until she has to stop, tasting blood.

Okay, so she’s a little nervous.

-

So it’s awkward.

Just a little.

In her rush to get ready and leave Peridot may have forgotten to cover up the…ahem… _bites_ on her neck. She also forgot just how angry she’d been last time. Sitting across from Jasper now, she looks at the taller girl with the white hair and orange tracksuit and thinks that she looks just a little intimidated by her. And she keeps looking at the neck. _Fuck._

“So…what did you want to say, Jasper?”

Jasper clears her throat. Her gaze is steady, their eyes meeting, but something has changed between them. Peridot feels a sort of respect emanating from Jasper she hadn’t felt before. She feels...powerful.

“I’m sorry”

“For which bit?”

“For all of it”

“Okay”

“And”, she scratches the back of her head, “you were wrong”.

Peridot blinks. “Wrong about what?”

“I wasn’t using you. I guess it came off that way, but I wasn’t”

“What were you doing then?”

Jasper sighs, letting her head fall into her hands. Their drinks are both untouched. “I just really wanted you to…I don’t know…like me, I guess. I wanted to protect you from the same pain I felt. I’ve never had anyone to look out for before”

Peridot breathes in, considering this. It’s not a bad apology. It makes sense. But- “I appreciate that, Jasper, I really do. But I can look after myself”.

Jasper snorts. “Yeah, maybe the fact where your girlfriend is concerned, sure. I’m not going to meddle with that again, okay? But _God_ you let your mum walk all over you and I can’t just watch it happen again and again.”

“I don’t let her-“

“You do”.

Peridot feels frustration building up inside her gut. _You don’t understand! It’s not like that, what the hell am I supposed to do?_

“Look”, Jasper says calmly, her hands lay on the table in front of her, “I messed up. But I’m determined not to do it again. I’m not trying to _baby_ you Peridot, I guess I’ve just never had someone to look out for before. I’m learning”.

She feels the frustration dissipating, ever so slowly. “I’ve never had that either. A sister, I mean. Or a brother. Or…or anyone like family-wise”.

Their eyes meet and for the first time since they met, Peridot feels mutual understanding. A connection. A promise. “I look out for you. You look out for me. We’re sisters now, okay?”

Peridot smiles. It’s a small smile. A genuine smile. “Okay”.

Jasper gets up to leave, packing her things away and throwing her half-drunk coffee in the nearest bin. She saunters back over, still tall and powerful, but with tenderness about her. She ruffles Peridot’s hair and grins. “And Peridot?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you. And I’m proud. You stood up to me and I’m not used to it, but I’m glad you did. It made me realize what I want”.

Peridot stands up and hugs her tight. The scene is a little dramatic: Peridot is so much smaller than Jasper it almost feels comical, and Jasper is still awkward when it comes to any sort of affection, but her arms gently encircle the smaller girl and they stay like that for a moment. When she leaves, Peridot sits back down, feeling content and calm.

She doesn’t have to think about the one thing that still bugs her in the back of her mind. Jasper is okay with Lapis, sure. But Jasper isn’t okay with Anne, and is that really going to fly under the radar without any drama going down? She shakes her head, swooshing the thought out of her brain. _Don’t need to think about that right now._

-

**Lapis**

It’s a Thursday afternoon, the day before the tournament with their rival school begins, and Lapis is hanging out in Peridot’s dorm room. In fact, she’s hardly been home at all this week, but she supposes she doesn’t really mind. The dorm room, although tiny, smells like Peridot. Better still, it usually has Peridot in it (always a plus).

The blonde is scribbling away at her desk, finishing up some sort of mathematical engineering project that Lapis wouldn’t be able to comprehend even if she read it herself. Peridot is smart. It’s definitely a turn on.

She feels her face slip into the goofy grin it forms whenever she thinks about it. How she gets to kiss her when she wants, touch her when she wants. They’re together so much of the time. Sometimes they talk; sometimes they decidedly do _not_ talk because…you know. It’s amazing.

A pen is thrown at her head.

“Ow!”

Peridot grins, raising a brow. “You weren’t listening!”

“I am _now_ , thank you”

Her green eyes shine with mirth. _Cute._

“Wanna listen to some music? I can’t stop thinking about volleyball. I need a different less distracting distraction”

Lapis raises her eyebrows, smirking. “You’re such a jock”

“The tournament’s tomorrow! I’m nervous!”

“Me too, me too. Okay, what do you want on?”

Peridot chews her lip thoughtfully. “That intense one you played the other day. Kind of shouty?”

“Emo”

“Says you, Lazuli”

It’s not long before they’re dancing around the room, Lapis dipping Peridot multiple times and Peridot stealing kisses every opportunity she gets. The homework lies forgotten on the desk, but ‘With You’ plays on loop for a good twenty minutes. It’s followed by various other equally terrible and sexy serenades.

-

In the gymnasium (because even beach-fanatics like them need to train in a hall the day before an actual competition) Lapis finds herself putting out all the stops. Her jump has improved tenfold since joining the club, and even Bismuth is impressed.

Kiki is getting better at receives, even sliding across the floor at one point to knock the ball flying aggressively back over the net, and Sadie is getting faster and faster every single time they play. Lapis feels confident they’ll play well. Heck, they might even _win_.

“Nice receive!”. Kiki winks, looking immensely pleased with herself, and salutes Lapis.

At the end, when they’re all tired and satisfied with their gameplay, they begin to pack up. Lapis finds herself hanging out with Kiki and Sadie in the supply closet, storing away the net and cones.

Sadie is talking about bands. “I just took you for an old-school emo, you know?”

Lapis frowns. “Why’s that?”

The short girl smiles good-naturedly. “I mean, you definitely had an emo phase, right?” She squints her eyes and pretends to peer closer, “I see it in your soul”.

Lapis giggles, rolling her eyes. “You can’t see my soul because I don’t have one, duh”

Kiki runs and jumps onto her shoulders, scaring the absolute crap out of Lapis and almost making her loose balance. “What was THAT for?! Oh my god Kiki”

“Can’t not have a soul if you scream like that little miss emo”

“Yeah yeah, you got me”.

But as they continue to pack up, she feels happy that they feel comfortable with messing with her. It’s refreshing and relieving. Not many people see her jokey side (she appears too serious, she can’t help it).

“I don’t intimidate either of you? At all?”

Kiki snorts. “You’re as intimidating as Peridot”

“But she’s not…HEY!”

-

**Peridot**

Everyone heads home around eight after four long hours of gameplay and test-runs and tactic talks. Peridot feels mentally exhausted, but oddly satisfied, and is cleaning up the balls, tossing them into the hamper. She’s agreed to go home with Lapis and spend the night at her place (she has a spare toothbrush, why not?) and is just about to go find her girlfriend in the supply cupboard when a little voice makes her jump out of her skin and shriek.

“Peridot! It’s just me! Sorry if I scared you”

The little Steven kid stands in front of her, smiling awkwardly but still somehow managing to look so freaking adorable. He’s a little timid, but his big black curls and chubby cheeks are soft. He’s a gentle kid.

“Pfft, you didn’t scare me. How can I help?” She smiles and sits down on the floor so they can face each other properly.

Steven grins and whips out a ukulele form behind his back. “I promised you this. Do you still want it?”

“Oh my stars, you FOUND IT?!” She shakes her head, composing herself. _Play it cool, you’re the adult here!_ “I mean, wow thanks, I appreciate that a lot!”

He smiles, and she smiles back. “I can teach you some stuff? Nothing too fancy but the chords are easy enough and you wanted to write a-“

Peridot frantically covers his mouth, stopping him from finishing his sentence. Glancing around, she sighs with relief. Lapis still isn’t back yet. She runs her hand through her hair slightly ashamed. “Sorry I just…it’s meant to be a surprise”

Shuffling his feet with excitement, Steven grins wider. “For who?”

“My…my girlfriend”

“Awwwww, that’s so cute!!”

Peridot’s face is burning with embarrassment. She tries to shrug it off and act aloof, but Steven is raising his eyebrows at her and giggling, so it’s very hard. She ends up snorting a little with laughter.

“So, when are you free?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I wanna just...squish them they're so CUTE. Also Lapis finally making some new friends is important content fight me!!
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter:
> 
> \- With You by Sum 41
> 
> Songs I wrote this chapter to:
> 
> \- Midnight Love by Girl in Red  
> \- I wanna be your Girlfriend by Girl in Red  
> \- Easily by Bruno Major
> 
> Next update will be in about a week. Until then stay safe and well and I'm so so thankful for all your lovely comments and support. Have a great week <3


	14. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friendly match finally happens and Peridot finally confronts a certain someone who doesn't show up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHE. IS. BACK. I kept writing and rewriting this chapter and it ended up being way too long and it was stressing me out so basically your girl just decided to upload the first half and pick up right where this one ends in the next chapter. This half covers the tournament and is pretty plot focused but the next half has got some GOOD good cute stuff in it so hold on tight ;)
> 
> Angst warning, I guess? But no shipping angst, only parental angst, bc Lapis and Peridot are so soft for each other at this point they ain't gonna hurt each other. Also sorry if this chapter is a bit of a train wreck my head has been all over the place recently but I really wanted to post it as is so...yeah!! I hope you enjoy it and I will be back with part two of this baby asap.
> 
> Happy reading xx

FOURTEEN

**Peridot**

The stadium is loud; the crowd has, apparently, been saving their best yelling voices for a meager inter-university tournament and Peridot’s ears are suffering from the vigour. She supposes, as her team traipses onto the court to warm up, that it could be worse. They could all be silent and that would just be creepy. The noise is distracting her from the nervous thrumming coursing through her veins, and that’s definitely a plus.

Lapis’ hand is intertwined with her own, but as they arrive at the net she lets go and her team makes a circle around her. Peridot feels so _ready._ She feels like a leader, a fighter, an ineffable force of ball-punching destruction.

“How are we feeling about this match?”

Their faces stare back at her, some totally unblinking. Sadie, especially, looks incredibly nervous.

Peridot takes a deep breath and smiles her biggest possible smile. “We give it our all out there, okay? Use your nerves to your advantage and do your best. Winning isn’t everything, but no one here can deny the fact that they want to win. So let’s work hard!”

A chorus of nods and agreements are sung from the circle. Lapis latches onto Peridot from the side and hugs her tight. “We’re gonna try our best for our tiny leader”

“HEY I’m not tiny!!”

Suddenly Sadie is all up in her face mussing Peridot’s unruly hair. “You so are, Dot. You’re the tiny giant!”

Indignant snorts and peals of laughter escape her before she composes herself. When the warm ups begin, each member jumps higher than they’ve ever jumped before.

_Thirty minutes until game time_ she muses. _Life really is crazy._

_-_

**Lapis**

After the warm up, Lapis feels ready to go. She has long spotted Pearl and Jasper (and another man who she remembers to be Jasper’s dad?) sitting in the audience holding a highly obnoxious ‘GO BEACH CITY UNI!” sign. But their presence is pumping her up even more, and the match is about to begin. _The only problem here_ she muses reluctantly _is that Peridot’s mum hasn’t shown up yet._

But before she even has time to check in with her girlfriend and make sure Peridot is either feeling okay about the situation or hasn’t fully noticed, it’s time for the formation to take place and the match to begin.

Peridot (looking absolutely stunning in her sports gear with her unruly main tamed into a tight French braid) stands up front in the prime position. Kiki, Sadie, Amy, Bismuth and Lapis are all dotted around their side of the court. The opposing team has also taken their positions with vigour and pride. She tastes anticipation in her mouth (as well as blood, because okay, yes, she’s a little nervous and has been chewing her lip…but what’s a girl to do?).

“The first half of this inter-university friendly tournament game is about to begin. On the left we have Beach City University”, a raucous applauding sound comes vaguely from the direction of Jasper and Pearl, “and Marine Blue Academy. Let the match begin!”

When the whistle blows, everything flows into one endlessly long motion of lust for victory. The ball is hit over and over the net. Lapis dives left and right and center trying to catch it. But when Lapis jumps to pitch that red and green cylinder she feels her whole world pause on its axis.

Every moment before the strike she feels time stop, surroundings stop, her heart rate drop. The power of her body feels immense. The crowd with their screams and chants fade into the background as the living noise of her body wipes everything else away.

A thunk reverberates off the echo-y walls as she scores point after point after point. When she and Peridot catch eyes, there is an unspoken pride between them. Peridot’s hair is mussed, the plait already coming undone at the edges, and her eyes shine a beautiful bold shade of green. Her body is covered with sweat, and she has never looked more attractive to Lapis than she does right now, in this moment, where nothing else matters.

_Let’s be a team until the end of everything_ she prays _you and me._

-

“Dude did you see when I like dove 20 meters to catch it? You were like aaahhh!!!! Amy!!!!! Don’t fall and break your arms we’ll loose!”

Peridot snorts. “Ames, don’t be dramatic. We haven’t won yet”

“Whatever, Dot, you-. Oh! Hi Pearl!”

The halfway point of the match has the team huddled together on the side of the court. Bismuth is talking to Sadie and Kiki about a blocking strategy for the second half whilst Amy and Peridot are dealing out their usual banter. However, as soon as Pearl comes over to hype up Lapis, Amy deems it very important to go fill up her water bottle. As she retreats, face burning, Peridot subtly rolls her eyes and winks at Lapis. Pearl blinks.

“What was that all about?”

Lapis snorts with laughter. “Don’t you worry. How did you like the first half?”

Pearl’s eyes light up and she claps her hands together excitedly. “It was _amazing!_ You guys were so in sync it was insane! Especially you two”, she grins slyly, and Lapis shoves her a little in protest.

But Peridot has turned her attention elsewhere. As Pearl saunters over to the water fountain to catch Amy, Lapis glances over, and seeing her shoulders tense she moves to her side. “What’s wrong, Dot?”

Settling her head into the crook of Lapis’ neck, she kisses the skin there before responding in time. “My mum…she’s not coming”.

“That’s too bad for her, you’re so good when you play it’s insane. I mean, those jumps?” Lapis giggles with disbelief, “it’s hard to imagine anyone else doing it in quite the same way”.

The intercom voice rings across the pitch. “Ladies and gentlemen, the match resumes in five minutes. Please return to your positions or to your seats before the game resumes”.

Gently pulling away from her girlfriend, Lapis places her hands on [Peridot’s shoulders. Peridot’s green eyes are still a little hurt, a little doubtful.

“Look at me Peri”

Slowly, green eyes meet blue. Lapis feels her soul blaze with affection. “I love you”. _I love you more than anything._

The shorter girl looks down, overwhelmed, and fiddles with Lapis’ hair coyly. “I love you too, Lazuli”.

“After this game, after everything is over, you go talk to Jasper and figure everything out. I’ll be there to support you whatever happens, but this power your mum has over you? It needs to be diminished, at the least.” _I wish you loved yourself the way I love you._

She smiles gently, continuing. “But right here, right now? It’s all about us, a team. We’re here for you. We love you”.

She isn’t aware of the hug she’s being pulled into until she’s there but Peridot’s arms wrap around her so tight that there is almost no room left to breathe. “Lapis…”

“Game resumes in thirty seconds, folks!”

Their eyes meet again, this time in panic.

“SHIT!!”

“C’mon!!”

Grabbing Peridot’s hand, Lapis runs them back onto the pitch. _You’ll get through this, I know you will._

-

**Peridot**

Her body is covered with sweat from head to toe. Peridot can feel her heartbeat in her chest, her arms, her throat. It all comes down to this. This moment. This second.

One more point and they win. Two more points and the opposing team wins. Three more minutes of this tension and she’ll definitely faint.

Lapis serves the ball, her strong arms and high jump making her hair fly upwards and her whole body elongate beautifully. The thump of contact rings through Peridot’s ears as it is received and pushed back over the net.

Amy slides and receives the ball. Each hit over the net is filled with more tension, more ferocity, more determination. The hunger is building and when Peridot finally sees it flying towards she feels every emotion she’s ever felt explode across the surface of her skin.

_Anger at her mother. Frustration at her mother. Determination to win. Love for her team._

It lands on the opposite side. The smack echoes across the court.

There is a complete and utter silence that lasts mere seconds and yet feels like a lifetime. She blinks. _Did we….did we win?!_

And reality rushes back so fast she doesn’t have time to process what happens next. There are screams of excitement, countless limbs suddenly reaching to hug every part of her body, tears of other girls flooding onto her skin and such a cacophony of background buzz that she almost feels dizzy. She is dimly aware Lapis is kissing her ear, Amy is poking her cheeks and crying, Kiki has grabbed her from behind, Sadie has grabbed her from the front and Bismuth has wrapped herself around all of them to squish her team, her wonderful team that _she built_ , into a bubble of victory.

Trying to gain her sense of balance and calm, she looks into the crowd and sees Jasper. When their eyes meet, the white-haired girl smiles so big, so genuinely, that it doesn’t look natural on that otherwise intimidating face. Arthur, too, smiles at her so widely she feels embarrassed. Pearl is crying and waving the sign all over the place.

When the others disentangle themselves from their rugby-style smush, Peridot feels her legs break down. Lapis is there to catch her when she falls.

“We won”, she whispers in Peridot’s ear, pulling her up and supporting her with one long tanned arm, “you won the game!”.

“ _We_ won the game”, she mumbles, her entire face burning with pride and embarrassment.

“No”. Lapis shakes her head, smiling. “You won. You scored the winning point and I want to kiss you so hard it hurts”.

-

When they collect their medals, Peridot accepts hers with a swirling mix of emotion. She’s thrilled. She is. They’ve won a game and made a name for their team (which will make future tournament plans for third year much easier to maintain). Everyone pulled out all the stops and she is pleased with every single one of them,

But her mother couldn’t even be bothered to show up to witness anything. And the worst part is, she doesn’t even feel sad. The emotion boiling in the pit of her stomach that she desperately tries to hide as the tam celebrate in the changing room, is anger.

She is angry. She’s angry with her mother and this time it’s not going away.

Maybe it’s excess adrenaline. Maybe it’s the encouraging; knowing look Lapis gives her before she slips away from the team. That look that says _‘Go do what you have to do. I believe in you’._ It spurs her on.

She fins them waiting by the familiar Ford car in the parking lot. Jasper is the first to speak up.

“Can’t believe I get to call you my sister! That was incredible”

Arthur joins in, his kind eyes and faint crinkled cheeks shining with affection. “You’re gonna do great things kiddo. What am I saying? You’re already doing great things! That…”, he looks lost for words, “was wonderful!”

She smiles, but her face feels tight. It doesn’t happen in the way she wants it too, and they pick up immediately that it’s insincere. Jasper gets into the car and starts the engine up. _Can she read minds?_

_Trying_ to keep nonchalance in her voice, Peridot asks the question. “Where’s my mother?”

Arthur scratches his head gingerly. “I asked her repeatedly to come, but she said it was an important work day…”

“Bullshit”.

He blinks. “She…she’s been busy. She loves you, kiddo”

“Bullshit”

There is a sigh. A slumping of shoulders. “Look, it’s not my place to say anything. Talk to her, okay?”

And Peridot feels a little guilty, because all Arthur ever is is lovely, and he’s right. Composing herself, she gives him a hug, which, after tensing up for a moment, he returns gently. “Okay. Can I come home with you guys?”

“Of course, tiny giant”

“What kinda name is that?!”

“It’s what you are! A wonderful tiny giant”

Despite the rage still simmering in her gut, she can’t help but giggle. Just a little. _Tiny giant. I like it._

-

She is dropped off at her mother’s house, her childhood home, with nothing but her messy feelings and half a baguette Arthur gifted her from the front seat of his car. They had made some excuse of going food shopping, but she knew they were giving her space.

It was nice, she supposed, having them on her side. They felt like a team. They made her feel wanted.

Which is something my own mother couldn’t ever do.

And there it is. That familiar feeling coiling through her stomach and into her throat, swelling her chest. She’s angry, and this time, after all these years, she is going to do something about it.

The living room. TV on. Legs up. _Unbelievable._ “Why?”

Doe green eyes and smooth blond hair gaze up at her unfazed. “Hello, Peridot. Why what?”

“Why didn’t you come watch my game?” She tries to remain dignified, but she pits the words out.

The older woman smiles, falsely apologetic. “I have had a tiring week. I couldn’t stand the idea of a noisy stadium. I’m sorry, Peridot, I do suppose you won of course?”

“Yes”

She turns back to the TV, legs still up on the footstool. “Good. Very well then.”

And she feels her patience snap.

Kicking the footstool out from under those long, leering legs, she watches as they fall to the ground and Anne’s face morphs to shock. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“Peridot I don’t understa-‘

“I’m your _ONLY CHILD_ and you treat me like absolute SHIT!”

“Peridot that’s no-“

But she’s not done. “I can’t _believe_ that after everything you went through just to keep me, after everything I’ve done through the years, after everything I’ve done to please you that you STILL can’t get out of your own _fucking head_ enough to praise me even once! Or just pay some kind of attention to me!” She’s breathing hard and her words are blurring together and her eyes are stinging with tears but it doesn’t matter. But she can’t help it when she says the one thing she really wants to say, has wanted to say for years, comes tumbling out her lips in a small meek voice.

“Why don’t you love me?”

Anne blinks. Once. Twice. “You’re my daughter. Of course I love you”.

Peridot shakes her head. “No. No you don’t”

-

“Can you pick me up?”

“Of course. Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’ll send you the address, how long will you be?”.

“Peridot, are you okay?”

“…Yeah”. She scrunches her nose in surprise, because for the first time in a really long time, she feels lighter somehow. Fuller. “Yeah I am. I just want to see you, Lazuli”.

**Lapis**

Peridot doesn’t speak much on the car-ride home, but Lapis knows it’s because she’s exhausted. Her hair is droopy, falling out of the beautiful French braid in clumps and spilling onto her green hoodie. Her head leans against the window as her eyes involuntarily close and then reopen as she realizes she’s falling asleep. Lapis knows that she is hurting, but even when Peridot is hurting she still manages to be beautiful. _She always manages to be beautiful._

Parking up in front of the apartment complex, she undoes her seatbelt to find Peridot having lost the battle and sound asleep in the passenger seat. Lapis smiles to herself at the adorableness of it, and gently shakes her in attempt to wake her up. When Peridot doesn’t stir, she makes a choice.

Carefully getting out the car and closing her door quietly, she circles to the other side and unclicks Peridot’s seatbelt, scooping her smaller girlfriend into her arms and shutting the door. Fiddling with her keys haphazardly, she locks the car and proceeds to carry Peridot into her apartment. The movement doesn’t seem to stir her at all, but she leans into Lapis’ chest unconsciously, trying to blend with her body heat. Her face looks angelic; all freckles and long eyelashes.

Lapis lays her down on her bed gently, covering her up with a blanket, and goes to cook dinner for both of them.

-

Lapis sings to herself as she cooks, because no one is around (that is conscious, anyway) to hear her awful singing and even though it was a hard day for Peridot, the buzz of the victory still makes her feel mostly happy. And hey, since she’s asleep, a little celbratory singing can’t hurt anyone, right?

“Tell me that you’re still mine

Tell me that we’ll be just fine

Even when I loose my mind, I need to say hey! It’s all me! In my head! I’m the one who burned this OH SHI-”

“Is that…Taylor Swift?”

Lapis jumps out of her skin, dropping her stirring onto the kitchen tiles. “Hey! This is a good song, no judging!”

A sleepy Peridot smiles fondly. “I thought you were too indie for pop music?”

Lapis smirks, raising an eyebrow. “And _I_ thought you were too clueless to know any good music at all, but here we both are”

They share a tender smile. Peridot is still in her volleyball kit, her oversized green hoodie slumping over her figure. She looks exhausted but still so cute.

“Are you cooking?”

“Yeah, I made dinner for us”

“Lazuli”, she finger guns a little gingerly, “you’re the best”

Lapis rolls her eyes and grins, pleased with herself. “I know! Now”, she places the spoon back onto the countertop and walks towards Peridot, taking her hands, “do you want to talk about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have no idea how volleyball works so if you read this and were offended by the inaccuracy I'm...sorry? I gave in and watched Haikyuu to like...educate myself a bit..and I thought the tiny giant nickname for Hinata was so cute so I used it in this chapter for Peridot (points if you saw that reference!).
> 
> The anthem for this chapter, as you've probably guessed, is:
> 
> \- Afterglow by Taylor Swift
> 
> Other songs I used when writing and editing this chapter:
> 
> \- Still Don't Know my Name by Labrinth  
> \- If I go, I'm Goin by Gregory Alan Isakov
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the next one will be more fluff focused so look out for that! Until then stay safe and well. I love and appreciate you all xx


	15. No song without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot reveals all her secrets, Lapis is a supportive gf and Pearl and Amy are clueless lesbians (but we love them anyway).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second half of the last chapter, and it starts right where the other one left off! I didn't want to name it Afterglow pt 2 so that's why it's got a new name but it is basically just part 2 :) 
> 
> There is some slight smut in this one, but it's very light (again)! If you want to avoid reading that it starts when Peridot pins Lapis onto the sofa so just skip the rest of the part of Lapis' POV and you'll be all good! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading this, there's some cute hurt/comfort in here as well as some awkward Amy/Pearl pining AND a setting up of the final arc so...yeah, enjoy! x

**Peridot**

She did not, in fact, want to talk about it

Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. Peridot always wanted to talk to _someone_ about how her mum made her feel, how her attitude made Peridot’s blood boil, but she didn’t want to dump all of her emotional issues on a singular person. Especially when that person happened to be her girlfriend.

But Lapis is too smart to accept Peridot’s feeble “nah” as a proper answer. _She knows me too well. A blessing and a curse._

Lapis saunters over from the kitchen countertop to where Peridot is standing in the dingy doorway, all gangly limbs and jumper rolls. Her arms gently wind around Peridot’s waist (which makes her shiver, but that’s not important) and her eyes meet Peridot’s dead on. Sharp green on tantalizingly beautiful blue. Her breath catches in her throat for a moment, because Lapis is so beautiful she sometimes feels like she’s dreaming.

_If this was a dream_ she thinks _I don’t know whether I’d want to wake up or stay asleep._

“How about this”, Lapis asks, fiddling with the loose locks falling out from Peridot’s failed braid attempt, “You only talk about it if you want to, okay?” She leans her head forward and kisses her forehead. “I really don’t mind listening to you talk about anything. I’m here to support you, Peridot”

Peridot grins. “Deal. Also, you sound like Gandalf”

Lapis matches the grin in return, eyes blazing. “Maybe, but was Gandalf as hot as me?”

She is promptly shoved, and they both burst into giggles. Lapis moves back to the countertop and plates up two bowls of steaming hot pasta, loaded with tomato sauce, and then pads over to the sofa to join Peridot. They both sit pressed up against each other, bodies touching in every single way possible, and at their pasta. For a while, there is silence (Lapis is obviously waiting for Peridot to speak when she wants to, and Peridot is grateful). Finally, Peridot clears her throat and takes a deep breath in.

“Okay, I’m ready”

“Okay, I’m listening”.

**Lapis**

Peridot scrunches her nose when she’s nervous. She’s doing it right now (it’s endearing). “My mum got pregnant with me when she was sixteen.”

“Sixteen?!” _Crap, that wasn’t calm and collected!_

But Peridot smiles and raises her eyebrows good-naturedly. “Yeah. She’s never really told me the exact circumstances but all I know is that she was kind of a player. Ironically, I can’t even imagine her as that _now_ let alone at sixteen. But…yeah. I don’t think she knows who my dad is. She never took a DNA test for me and she slept with a lot of guys so…”

She shifts her position a little, placing the emptied pasta bowl on the floor and curling into Lapis. “Her mum was pretty strict, so when she was told she had to keep it she didn’t fight against it, but I’m pretty sure she would rather have had an abortion. Like…. one hundred percent sure. When I was little she’d always tell me how I was an accident and how she was going to raise me to be a better person than she was. She wanted me to be the best at everything: I was signed up to music lessons when I was four, I had to take part in at least two extra curriculars a year by age six, and by the time I’d made it through to A-Levels I’d achieved grade 3 in multiple instruments and been sports captain of a softball team for _years._ I thought I was doing everything right”.

Lapis’ eyes are wide, her jaw slack. “That’s… _crazy”_

Peridot nods, the motion softly pressing weight into Lapis stomach. “Yeah, it was. I didn’t have a social life outside of my sports team and my music lessons because the rest of the time I was told I had to study. I was voted ‘most likely to succeed’ in both my school yearbooks and…” she sniffs, “it still was never enough to make her quite happy. I mean, she told me she was proud of me whenever I won something or achieved something, but then it was always onto the next thing I could accomplish and then the thing after that. There was never a moment when I felt that she was happy with present me. That she loved me for who I was as a person. It was always what I could achieve, y’know?”

Lapis inserts a hand into Peridot’s hair and gently starts to undo the braid, and Peridot’s eyes close as she leans into the touch. “It wasn’t until my first year here that I realized people weren’t all about those kind of achievements. When I met Amy she told me my mum was completely psycho for making me do all that stuff, but I just brushed it off because. Well…. she made me do all that because she loved me, right?”

“I see…”

“So I just kept pretending everything was fine, that she loved me in her own weird way. And then she married Arthur and she _loved_ Jasper.”

“Like, she admired her?”

Peridot shakes her head. “No. Like she’d always ask for her opinion on everything, she’d want to know where she was all the time and she’d always ask me to come round _with_ her. I felt like…”, her voice tightens, “I felt like I was dong something wrong. Jasper was clearly better than me and I just couldn’t figure out why! Because I was captain of a volleyball team, I was taking so many extra classes and my grades were _so goddamn good.”_

Lapis smiles gently, kissing her quickly. “You’re so sexy when you talk engineering to me...you’re like, _insanely smart_ and your mum is so dumb to not see that”.

The blonde girl laughs gently. “Try telling her that! But anyway, I pushed myself too hard in first year and ended up in hospital due to over-exhaustion and a huge panic attack that I had. She didn’t even come and visit, just phoned and told me I needed to do better and that she’d sent flowers to my dorm room.”

“Christ…”

“So..yeah.” She looks up, green eyes filled with sadness. “That’s it, I guess”.

Lapis shakes her head. “I just don’t understand. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met and I thought that way before I knew you’d done any of those things.”

Peridot smiles gently. “I remember you telling me that before”

Lapis blinks, face flushing. “When?”

“That day at the lake, remember? I was kind of upset but I wouldn’t tell you why…and you told me why you liked me so much and I guess I just…it made me really happy”. There are tears welling up in her eyes, and Lapis moves a hand to wipe them away ever so gently. “It made me so happy someone as cool as you could love me”.

Lapis shifts their positions so that Peridot is bunched up into the corner of the sofa, Lapis having placed both of her arms on either side of the littler girls’ body. “Listen, Peri. I love you with all my heart, and that’s obviously in a very non-best friend way”, Peridot raises her eyebrows, smirking playfully, “but look at all your other friends, and how much they love you too! I mean _God_ Amy loves you to bits! And Kiki, and Sadie and Bismuth!” Lapis giggles, the absurdity of the situation truly settling on her. “Heck even that Steven kid loves you!”

“I know”

“It’s sad that your mum doesn’t get to have you the way we all do, but Peridot…that’s _her_ fault, okay? Not yours”

Peridot suddenly lunges forward and hugs Lapis so tightly all the breath in her body disappears for a few incredible seconds. A flash, and suddenly they are lying on the sofa, Peridot on top of her and panting heavily.

“Even if we break up I’m always gonna love you, Lazuli”

Lapis raises a single, thin eyebrow. “As _if_ we’re ever breaking up. You won’t get away from me that easy”

“Possessive”

“Says you, the one pinning me into the sofa”

They both snort, Peridot’s face glowing red. “Maybe I like having you all to myself”

“Maybe _I_ like it when you’re possessive”

For a moment, they simply stare at each other. Lapis looks up at the face of her girlfriend, Peridot’s face, and feels a swooping in her stomach. Her blonde hair is completely crazy, scattered all over her face and stuck up at all angles. Her eyes are blazing intensely, her lips are curved into a soft smirk and her freckles are so close to her own face Lapis could reach up and kiss them.

But when Peridot leans down and kisses her, slowly and passionately, their hair tangling into the sofa and their arms suddenly all over each other, Lapis knows exactly why she is pinned down onto the sofa, and her body begins to tingle all over with a deep-rooted anticipation. Each breath she takes gets heavier and heavier, and each time she glances up at Peridot that girl is prettier and prettier. Peridot is running her hands everywhere: through Lapis’ hair, over her arms, across her stomach and further downward towards….

“Lapis”

“Where?”

“Here?”

“There”

And as the night sky grows darker and darker, Lapis feels the pleasure build slowly, their synchronized whimpers grow louder and louder and she closes her eyes praying this feeling will last forever. That Peridot will trust her and love her forever. Her arms are held down above her head by one strong hand and as she squirms and arches and feels kisses land on her neck, her stomach, her legs, she lets herself feel everything all at once.

**Peridot**

“WHAT?!”

“Peri use your indoor voice!!”

“Peridot doesn’t _have_ an indoor voice”

“Amy don’t patronize her!”

Peridot, Lapis, Amy and Pearl are sat on a study table in their university library. Although not a silent floor, their voices are probably far too loud for their more ambient surroundings but Peridot really can’t find it in herself to care…because she is _pissed!_

“Lapis you should have told me this _months ago!!”_

Lapis rolls her eyes, grinning despite herself. “We weren’t even dating months ago, dummy”

Peridot scoffs, leaning her head on her hand and locking eyes with Lapis across the table. “Dating or not I still would’ve thrown you a birthday party! I threw Amy a birthday party last year, right Ames?”

But Amy and Pearl are staring at each other across the table and Peridot has to poke her to even get some semblance of attention back. “ _Right,_ Ames?

“What? Oh! Yeah! She threw me a party because she wanted an excuse to drink”

“NOT true!!”

Amy grins. “You were such a purist until that night. A total good girl! And then”, she dramatically lifts her hands towards the ceiling, “she touched vodka and was never the same”. She places a hand over her heart wiping away fake tears.

Peridot sticks her nose in the air, turning her head away from Amy in protest. But as they all laugh (and Peridot feels her foot find Lapis’ under the table) she smiles anyway. “All I’m saying is that I want to throw you a mini birthday party, Lazuli”

Lapis smiles gently back at her. “Okay, okay. I guess it can’t be so bad”

Pearl slams her hands down excitedly on the table, causing all three other girls to jump. “Can I help plan and organize it?!”

Peridot grins. “Hell yeah! I need someone with a more Type A brain to handle that stuff anyway”

“That’s perfect, I’m a total Type A”

“A for adorable”, Amy mutters under her breath.

Pearl blinks, her face flushing. “What?”

Amy shakes her head, crossing her arms. “I said A for annoying!”

Peridot face palms, pulling her eyes down her face. Lapis mirrors her, and then they giggle at how stupid the other looks. Peridot smiles, feeling warmth course through her body as she looks at her beautiful group of friends as they continue to argue (albeit playfully) about birthday parties, and she feels her heart fill up. _Idiots._

-

“It’s pretty similar to guitar, see? You’ve just gotta strum it with more gusto and then you’re on your way!”

The little Steven kid hands over the ukulele, his face smug and adorable. Peridot wants to pinch his cheeks, but she won’t do that. That’s dumb.

She shifts and holds the instrument in her arms. It’s a little small, but it works perfectly fine. “Do you want me to play it to you, like a demonstration?” she asks, chewing her lip.

Steven nods, his curls bouncing slightly. “Yeah! Can I be the judge of how romantic it is?”

Peridot snorts when she giggles. “Sure, kiddo”

She begins to strum, the chords flowing back to her as she remembers exactly how the fingers worked on her old guitar. The melody needs some tweaks, sure, but the overall sound is cute and melodic. Despite the echoing that the sports hall provides, the sound is pretty solid. She thinks Lapis is going to love it. She hopes no one notices her and Steven using the place for music sessions instead of actual sporting activities.

When she finishes playing, Steven claps, but his face is twisted a little into a small frown. “Aren’t you going to sing?”

“Wha-um, no! I _can’t_ sing! Like, at all!”

“Sure you can! It doesn’t have to be completely perfect, Lapis is in love with you already”

She feels her face begin to turn red and lifts her free arm to mess with her blonde mane distractedly. “I mean…I could try?”

She clears her throat. Steven waits, patiently.

“I can’t!! I can’t sing!!”

“How about I count you in?”

She breathes, in and out, and tales a moment to muster up her bravery. But…screw that perfectionistic mindset. Screw her mother telling her she has to be perfect. This was for Lapis, and Lapis _was_ perfect in her own Lapis-y way, just as she seemed to think Peridot was perfect in _her_ own Peridot-y way. “Okay”

“One, two, a one two three-“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BuT wHaT sOnG wAs ShE pLaYiNg? You'll find out soon enough ;) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this part of the story!! There is still a final few pieces to tie up so there actually will be a few more chapters (probably around two to three?) so hopefully that's exciting news for ya! Also, since this is basically just part two of the last chapter there wasn't any *mentioned* music BUT of course I wrote the chapter to a few songs which were:
> 
> \- No song without you by HONNE   
> \- Tattoos Together by Lauv  
> \- Friday I'm in Love by The Cure
> 
> I'm so SO glad you're all enjoying this fic so far. I'm really sad it's coming to an end but I don't want to drag the story out too long or it'll just become me rambling and no one wants that! However, once the main part is over (and I've done my summer internship which is coming up soon) I'll probably write an epilogue bc I have some cute post-fic ideas I wanna share. 
> 
> Hope you have a lovely rest of your day, and stay safe. Lots of loveee x


	16. Florescent Adolescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third-wheeling action, a long talk and a lot of gossip. It's the home stretch, my dudes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!
> 
> It's me, again, back with another chapter that I'm very proud of and am very excited to share with you! I really hope you enjoy it and that you'll stick around to read the end notes at the bottom as I would like to explain some of the content in this chapter there!
> 
> However, I would like to say now that this chapter might be slightly triggering if you have suffered from post-natal depression (or depression in general) or have had experiences looking after people with it. The chapter doesn't go into deep deep detail so it shouldn't affect you too badly if this is something you're dealing, or have dealt, with. BUT if you want to skip the section i will summarise what happens at the end (just skip Peridot's pov this chapter!). 
> 
> See all of you lovely people in the end notes and happy reading :) x

**Lapis**

“So you study _maths_?! What kind of insane person are you?!”

Lapis rolls her eyes. Amy may be one of the most genuine people she’s ever met, but also she’s definitely one of the most tactless.

Pearl blinks, her cheeks flushing. “What’s wrong with maths?”

Amy composes herself, shakes her head. Lapis tries her absolute hardest not to laugh, but her lips keep twitching. “I just mean….you’re stupid smart if you study maths, y’know?”

Pearl grins shyly. “I wouldn’t say that. There’s academic intelligence but there’s other variations too, of course. I’m probably not that emotionally intelligent, for example, so it’s not all about academics. The most well rounded people are a little bit of everything”.

Lapis notes, gleefully, that Amy’s face is literally on fire. _She must be attracted to smart girls, then._

They’re sitting in Blue’s café sipping coffee and ‘studying' as Pearl had suggested. Lapis knows, realistically, that this isn’t studying at all and was in fact a clearly disguised attempt at a date and she is _definitely_ third wheeling. But heck, it’s incredibly entertaining and her lecture starts in ten minutes. Plus, Lapis is being a dutiful friend (which she is trying to be better at).

“Well”, she interjects, “I’ve got to go, so you guys enjoy the rest of your study date, okay?”

Amy smiles, messing with the back of her long purple-hair nervously. Pearl grins at Lapis, her eyes screaming at her to stay just a little longer. But Lapis is all about forcing her friend to push the boat out today (and also getting her degree). As she spins around and starts to leave, coffee in hand, she hears the conversation between Pearl and Amy resume, and to her relief it doesn’t sound mind-blowingly awkward. He smiles to herself, plugging in her headphones and putting ‘Bigmouth Strikes Again’ on full blast.

_What a time to be alive_ she thinks to herself, gently humming along under her breath as she walks.

**Peridot**

So, it’s more than a little bit awkward. It’s extremely, _incredibly_ awkward.

She sits across the table from her mother, both of them picking at homemade pancakes Anne had obviously made in an attempt of apology, which ironically tasted really good. Not that Peridot was going to admit that (but she was super hungry and they were right there…this whole thing was just torture, really).

“I have some explaining to do. Will you let me?”

Anne is all long blonde-hair (straightened) and bright green doe eyes (coated with lash extensions). She’s wearing no make-up, which is a rarity, in what Peridot supposes is an attempt at open vulnerability. But the tension is bubbling within the air, and she wants to vomit and scoff her food all at the same time.

“Explain what? The way you treated me?”

“Yes”.

Anne blinks. Peridot swallows an accidentally large bite of pancake. She feels it make its way down her throat.

“Okay. Explain”

“I was adopted”.

“ _What?!”_

All the tension in the air is split, just for a second, as surprise takes over every other one of her emotions. “Adopted? Like from a foster home?”

Anne nods, a small grimace gracing her face. “Yes, when I was five years old, your grandmother hadn’t ever had a child as she’d been infertile, and your granddad had recently passed away. She was grieving and wanted company and a chance to have a kid, so that’s when I came into her life.”

Peridot blinks once, twice, and then continues to eat. The sun is shining (a little obnoxiously) through her childhood home’s high-ceilinged kitchen, and it feels a little like pathetic fallacy. _The truth has been spoken so the sun has decided to show up. Great._

“So what does that have to do with me?”

There’s a pause in the room. A breath in. “Your grandmother…well…she loved me, I know she did. But she was depressed without your grandfather and she didn’t pay much attention to me. I guess when I got pregnant she finally snapped into mum mode and took care of me in a way I hadn’t experienced before, but a month before I gave birth to you, as you know, she died.”

Peridot looks down. She knows this part. The familiar feeling of longing for something she’s never known winds its way through her stomach, coiling into a ball. “So…you were already sad when you gave birth to me?”

“I suffered a lot, mentally, when you were born”. She shifts in her chair, eyes beginning to rim-red. “Look, I know I’ve messed up. You know already that you weren’t something I planned on in my life, and when you were born I suffered from post-natal depression for a few years.” She pauses, her voice wobbly and fraying. “It was… _so hard_ …for me to love you. And I hated myself for it because I knew that I wanted to feel it, that infinite love that every mother talks about, so badly. But I just…I didn’t have an example to follow, or any experience, or any real friends. All I had was the Internet and you. And”, she looks up, her eyes wet, “I found it so difficult to read you, Peridot.”

“….why?”

“Even when you were little, it was like you knew how to keep every single emotion you didn’t want me to see hidden away, locked up. I knew things weren’t great, I _wanted_ to make you happy, but I didn’t know how and I didn’t know who to ask and I…I didn’t want to _fail_ ”

Peridot feels a lump, a huge lump, forming in her throat. The air around her is getting heavier, thicker, and it’s hard to breathe. “That’s why…you wanted me to achieve so much…”

Her mother nods. “I thought if you felt successful, if you had goals, you wouldn’t have time to be….”, she pauses, sniffing, “ _depressed_ ”.

Peridot feels something unexplainable clear in her mind. It’s not wholly lifting the resentment, the bitterness, that rose in her chest whenever she thought of her mother up until now, but it lifts it just a little to reveal something buried deep within her. Understanding. And further down, much further down, she knows that understanding could eventually pave the way to…

Forgiveness.

“Can I ask you something?’

Anne nods, wiping the tears away with a napkin. Her blonde hair suddenly doesn’t seem so perfect, straddled and stringy where the tears had matted it. “Yes, anything”.

“Do you love me now?” Peridot knows the answer, but she needs to hear it out loud.

“Yes. Of course I love you”.

“Mum?”

When their eyes meet, green on green, she feels a gentle smile grace her face. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me, for being vulnerable. I think I understand now, and I want to work on this. I want to work on us.”

And her mother, who Peridot once thought to be the proudest, most stubborn human on earth, smiles wetly at her. “Me, too”.

Peridot takes a deep breath. Her fingers shake. “Now can I tell _you_ something?”

Anne smiles a small, gentle smile. “Go ahead”

“I’m dating someone.”

Her mother blinks once, twice. Then she grins. “So you’re a rebel, just like me. It’s okay, though, I guess I deserve that. Who is he?”

_Ha…._

“Um… _her_ name is Lapis. She’s a film major and she’s on my volleyball team. I mean look I didn’t know I’d like her so much when I recruited her okay? It’s not like that I just…we met when I ran into her at the beach like, literally ran into her and hit her head and then we started _talking_ and-”.

“Peridot?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s okay. Dating a girl is okay, I honestly couldn’t care less as long as you’re happy.”

Peridot grins, meeting her mother’s eyes shyly. When they meet, there’s a mutual agreement, an understanding. “Really?”

“Kiddo, I love you. In my own messed up way I guess, but I _love_ you. I want you to be happy”

And when they burst out giggling, together, Peridot feels like she’s flying higher than the sky itself. _This is what it feels like! This is what it feels like to fly!_

-

“Peridot that’s _amazing_!! I’m so so happy for you”

Lapis’ voice is so euphoric that even though the phone volume is low it echoes across the room. She’s sat in the bike shed next to her dorm-room apartment, and it’s beginning to rain (leaving room for a phone call).

“It is pretty neat, right? I thought if I called her out she’d never talk to me again, but….yeah. I guess she just needed a little push”

“God I’m so proud of you it’s crazy”

She feels a grin so huge it hurts her face form on her lips. “Thank you, Lazuli. Really”

**Lapis**

“You won’t _believe_ what happened Lapis! It was so _good_!!”

Lapis grins and rolls her eyes, dipping the nail varnish back into the pot. She and Pearl are sitting on Pearl’s bedroom floor, doing each other’s nails and talking about their _grilfriends_.

“So you gonna tell me?”

Pearl smiles, raising her eyebrows. The black nail varnish brush hovers over Lapis’ right hand. “You want to know?”

“Um, duh, me and Peri have literally been shoving you two to get together for weeks now!! I deserve _all_ the details”

Pearl looks smug. “Okay. You asked for it. So when you left to go to your lecture we were like ‘this studying is getting boring’ so Amy suggests we go walk around the lake right?”

Lapis raises a single brow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. So we’re walking around the lake and suddenly Amy turns to me and is all ‘look, Pearl, I really like you’ and of course I told her I liked her too and then we made out behind a tree for half an hour”.

Lapis almost drops the varnish, snorting with laughter. “That’s it?!”

“Haven’t finished yet”

“Okay, go on”

“So, we made out, and then I get my car keys out of my pocket really subtly and suggest we take a drive-“

“No _way-“_

Pearl squeals excitedly. “ _Yes way!!_ SO we’re driving and then we ‘accidentally’ end up at my dorm and Amy suggests we go inside and you can guess what happened next” she smirks, “unless, like you said, you want to know _all the details”._

Lapis reels away in mock disgust, giggling like a maniac. “Okay okay I take it back! Spare me those details”. But she sits back up excitedly. ‘So you two did it?! In your dorm bed?! I’m super impressed pinkie”

Pearl grins, all short pink hair and pride. “She said the same thing. Apparently I’m a total badass. Also, she said she like my room décor, so it’s a double win for me”.

Lapis grins. “You totally are Pearl! My badass best friend”

They share a smile, a small moment, before Pearl raises her head in excitement. Lapis listens out and notices the song currently playing on the speaker. She and Pearl rise at the same time, Lapis grabbing the nearest hairbrush and Pearl the nearest pencil, and they sing along (a little obnoxiously) to ‘Florescent Adolescent’.

**-**

The last week of the semester goes by quicker than Lapis can even properly process. Everything moves all at once: final projects get handed in, group films are all edited and submitted to a t and she feels extremely excited for Saturday, the day _tomorrow_ which Peridot has allocated as her official birthday beach party. She’s not usually one for parties, especially one’s celebrating her 9she gets embarrassed, okay?), but this one feels like it’ll be different somehow. She feels like it’ll be really special.

She smiles to herself, lying on her bed and staring up at the ceiling. _Tomorrow, huh?_ She bites her lip, thinking about everything that’s happened and how grateful she is for all of it. The volleyball team, the friendships, the honesty and the excitement. She can’t _believe_ that Pearl and Amy got together, _slept_ together, probably around the same time she was in a bloody film seminar. She’s also grateful for Peridot and everything that has happened to her because of them. Her smile, her laughter, her infectious energy. The way she breathes heavy after they make out, the way she says her name. Lapis can’t think of anything better than Peridot.

Shifting in her sleep, the girl in question moves in closer to Lapis and lets a slender arm drape across her girlfriend’s chest. The gesture is intimate and Lapis’ face flushes, despite it not being new at all. It’s a thing now, that Peridot basically always sleeps over here or that Lapis sleeps over at hers. And it’s not even about the sex (although Lapis _loves_ seeing her girlfriend naked…like, a lot). The best thing about sleeping with Peridot by her side is that Lapis feels like she’ll never feel lonely again. It’s always warm when Peridot is lying next to her. It’s always so warm.

She shifts onto her side and takes it all in. The freckles, the messy blonde hair, the gold nose-ring that glistens in the moonlight. She leans forward and places a kiss on Peridot’ forehead gently. And then she internally gags at herself for being so sappy.

Peridot groans under her breath, eyes slowly lifting to meet Lapis’. Green on blue. “You’re so gross, Lazuli”

“You love it”.

The smaller girl leans upward, touching their noses together. “I love _you_ ”.

Lapis raises her eyebrows. “I know”

“Did you just…did you just quote Han Solo?”

“Yes. Yes I did”

Peridot pouts, a lock of blonde falling across her face. _Cute._ “You have to say it back”

And Lapis leans in, locks their lips and kisses her with everything she’s got. When their bodies entangle, Peridot’s legs curling around Lapis’ torso and their arms clinging onto each other tightly, she swears she feels faint. Peridot tastes like sun cream and maple syrup. Her hair smells like sunshine 9Lapis fists into it eagerly).

When they break apart, Peridot’s face is flushed and glowing, and she smiles sweetly, small, just for Lapis.

“I love you too, Dot”.

“I know”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was genuinely so good to write and I really hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Now, for a lil explanation of where the mum-storyline came from: the experience I've tried to capture in here is one which my mum's best friend had when she was growing up (she's talked about it to me and my brother about it at length several times) and I think post-natal depression/fear of failure is such an important topic to talk about in media for personal reasons as well as in order to teach people that it exists and needs to be dealt with in order to avoid negative situations! So, yeah, that's why it's written the way it is and OF COURSE talking about it and confessing you raised your child in an unhealthy way does not solve the issue completely (that's going to take a lot of time and work from both ends of the relationship) but for the sake of this story I wanted to show that forgiveness is possible but it is!! A process!! And Peridot is ready to forgive, but has not forgiven already. Hope that makes sense :) 
> 
> As always, here are the songs mentioned:
> 
> \- Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths  
> \- Florescent Adolescent by The Artic Monkeys
> 
> Songs I wrote this chapter to:
> 
> \- Postcard by First Aid Kit  
> \- Dead Girl in the Pool by Girl in Red  
> \- 4am by Girl in Red
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, the final chapter will either be out by the end of this week OR by the end of next week (as I have a mini internship beginning next week which will take up most of my time until Thursday). Until then, stay safe and have a lovely week. Lots of love xx
> 
> EDIT: I am working on the update in case any of you were wondering where it is! I was super busy last week but I hand in my project tomorrow and as soon as it's done imma finish this fic!! So dw, update coming soon :)  
> Also I made an art insta if you feel like following it but lmao you don't have to obviously @katthedoodlecatcher xx


	17. Ribs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of an era, and perhaps the beginning of a new one. What can I say except GIRLFRIENDS and WHOLESOMENESS and tooth-rotting fluff?!?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES this chapter has taken me a billion years to write and to give you the short explanation my mental health was in the bin but I am feeling better now so!! New chapter!!
> 
> For real though thank you so so much for sticking with me throughout this story, I know I suck at consistency but I literally cannot do consistency to save my life but I'm so happy that so many of you have read this and enjoyed it. I love you all xx
> 
> And, as always, I will ramble more at the end but for now, enjoy! x

** PEARL **

****

Waking up in bed, hung-over and tangled inside another girl’s limbs, is not how Pearl had previously pictured starting the day. _This_ day. Her best friend’s twenty-first birthday.

It’s early (despite all her best efforts she can never seem to wake up later than 9am even on the weekends) and the air is chillier than usual. Cracking her eyes open slowly, she assess the situation and spots her dorm window left open, allowing cool breeze to roll on through without a care in the world. Frankly, the smell of freshly baked bread and muffins coming in through it is wonderful (living by the bakery on campus has _some_ benefits) but the chill is also distracting and has to go.

She extracts herself from the tangled mess of pink sheets and short limbs entangled with her long and gangly ones. She closes the window. Finds her morning spotify playlist. Checks the weather for the day. Checks the time (8:02am). Stretches.

She closes her eyes, breathes in and out. Her chest flutters with nervous tension. This is the calm before the storm, the gentle wave before the tidal wave. In a few hours, she’ll have done everything she needs to do, set up all the chairs and decorations and baked the cake fresh (she’s unmatched in her cake making abilities, like many things. Not that she’s hung up on that sort of stuff…mostly).

She opens her eyes. _It’s going to be wonderful_ she reassures herself, humming along quietly to the sound of ‘Please, Please, Please Let me Get what I want’. _It’s going to be perfect._

And the sunlight streaming in through the now-closed window seems to agree because, just for a moment, it strains particularly brightly.

-

9:30am rolls around and Pearl has done all the usual things (shower, dress, aggressively re-dye her hair as a repeated ‘fuck you’ against society saying good girls can’t dye their hair) but she’s also baked Lapis’ birthday cake and is waiting for it to cool. She’s already packed the to-go party décor. There’s just one problem.

Amy is still asleep. In her bed. Probably hung-over and smelling of sweat and…other things.

How do you wake up your not even girlfriend and ask her to haul a bunch of decorations to the beach with you in order to construct a meticulously planned party for the girl you obviously used to have feelings for? And then, after all of that, ask her to go out with you because you fancy the shit out of her? _I bet they don’t do printed cards for this kind of thing._

And she _is_ over Lapis. She’s been over Lapis for a while. Whenever she looks in the mirror these days, as she is doing right now in her dingy bathroom with deliberation, she doesn’t see the ghost of blue hair and blue eyes from behind her. She used to imagine a Lapis there, always, brushing her teeth behind the shorter girl or arguing with her about which top of the pops number one was the best. But now…there’s just her. Pink hair, blue eyes. Her.

She spits out her toothpaste.

And she makes a decision.

Walking back into her dorm room, surrounded by the encouraging pink decorations and vinyl records of her favorite romance songs, Pearl pads towards her bed. Amy Is still asleep (hair strewn over her face, full lips slightly parted, eyelashes spread prettily over flushed skin). _You can do this._

A gentle jab on the shoulder. No answer. A jab on the nose. A slight grimace surfaces on the sleeping face, but Amy doesn’t stir.

_This is taking too long. Desperate times desperate measures._

** AMY **

****

Amy has woken up to several weirder things in her life. Examples, in no particular order, include a vomiting cat (her sister’s), a person knocking on her door asking if this was where her drum lesson was taking place and the sound of ABBA being blasted on the lawn below her (who knew proposing to your ABBA loving girlfriend at 3am was the result of months of rational planning and not a drunken decision made in the middle of a night out?).

But today she is woken up to snickering and fingers poking…no _tickling_ her stomach.

She cracks an eye open. Pearl, the perpetrator, is grinning like a madwoman and is clearly very pleased with herself. Amy can’t help but smile because _god_ if Pearl isn’t the most adorable girl she has ever laid eyes on.

“Y’know I’m not ticklish, right?”

Pearl blinks. “Who’s _not_ ticklish?”

“…me?”

And then Amy can’t wait any longer, she feels it bubble over in her stomach and suddenly she’s giggling. And when Pearl starts to join in, it feels like some kind of tension has broken. Another barrier has fallen down. They’re getting closer and closer to just being…well…. _together._

Pearl bites her lip (as if it isn’t totally unfair) and tucks a stray strand of her behind Amy’s left ear, leaving her whole face to burn tomato red.

“Are you going to help me set up Lapis’ birthday party? Peridot asked me and Kiki to handle it because…well….we wake up earliest but I was figuring maybe…?”

“Yes”

“Really?!” Pearl’s eyes light up with excitement.

And all Amy can do is smile. Because she’s weak. Because Pearl is sitting right in front of her, all long limbs and pink hair and anticipation and how could she even imagine Amy would say no?

“Really”, she consents, closing her eyes and letting the smile settle into a gentler satisfied grin.

God, she is hung-over.

-

There’s a cake, three huge bin bags full of decorations and a box of glasses that need to be shifted from Pearls room (the very top of her block of flats) all the way down to the uni parking lot where Kiki is apparently waiting with her car.

Amy can’t quite believe how type A her…what even was Pearl? Her hookup? Her girlfriend? God knows.

Does she dare to ask? _Didn’t T. S Eliot disturb the universe, too? Probably didn’t go that well for him._

She tunes back in just as Pearle explains that she feels bad and Amy only has to take the cake (in its plastic box cover). “I’d feel guilty making you lug all these bags that far when you didn’t sign up for this so”, she smiles and rubs the back of her head. She’s blushing.

“Don’t be ridiculous”, Amy can hear herself saying, “I’m gonna help my _girlfriend_ move this stuff. Chivalry isn’t dead yet”.

And for a moment they both stand in blinking silence as Pearl’s mouth drops and Amy feels her brain quickly plan ways to book non-return tickets to Menorca. _Maybe she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend you idiot and now she has to reject you which makes this whole thing so damn awkward why couldn’t’ you just-_

“I’d like that”

“Huh?”

Pearl places the cake gently on the counter and moves forwards, intertwining both their hands and leaning down so they are face to face. Amy can count every eyelash; see every gold fleck in those blue ocean eyes.

She leans forward, nodding. “I’d like that”

** PERIDOT **

****

Peridot has never loved mornings more than she loves them now, waking up next to the most beautiful girl she has ever seen and getting to remember that _ah yes, that is in fact my girlfriend._

And then she gags at herself mentally because, even for her, that is gross.

(But it’s also true).

And things are no different this time, when she stirs from her sleep to find Lapis playing gently with her hair and tracing over her freckles. She notes Peridot’s eyes open and grins devilishly. “Finally!”

Peridot blinks sleepily. “Finally what?”

“It’s 9:45, we’re meant to be at the beach at 11:30, right?”

She sits bolt upright so fast that her hair whips forward and inelegantly splats over her face. Lapis snorts with laughter and falls back onto the bed, the giggles echoing around the room. “Relax! We’ve got time you goof”

She composes herself. Shakes her hair out her eyes. Turns around. “But I had stuff _planned_ Lazuli! I was gonna cook you breakfast and braid your hair and have really _really_ good morning sex with you”

Lapis sits up, smirking, and wraps her arms around Peridot’s tiny frame. It makes her breath stop in her throat, her eyes grow heavy, and her heart speeds up. “Screw breakfast, there’s gonna be food there I’m assuming, that can _be_ our breakfast”.

Peridot turns her head towards Lapis’, feeling her own smirk forming across her face She raises her eyebrows. “What about the _other_ things on my list?”

-

After completing, um, the other things on the list, Peridot ties her hair up into the world’s messiest ponytail. Seriously, if there were a competition for frizziest and most wild hair, she would be such a valid contender.

Lapis is in the mirror behind her, hanging off her shoulders and staring off into space. They’re clingier than what most people would probably consider normal, but Peridot likes the amount of physical contact just as much as Lapis does. It makes her feel safe and loved and happy.

“What are you wearing to the beach, Lazuli?”

“Like you even have to ask”

“That damned white dress? Again?”

Lapis frowns. “What’s wrong with my sundress?”

Peridot rolls her eyes amiably. “Everyone probably thinks I’ve stolen all your other clothes”

“Peri, hate to break it to you, but you kind of _have_ ”, she shifts and stands up straighter, resting her head on top of Peridot’s instead, “but I like that dress! It’s breezy and light and it makes me look cool”

“Lapis, we are both decidedly uncool”

“You just don’t want me to wear it because you can’t handle it huh?”

And Peridot doesn’t want to say it, but the flush rising in her cheeks betrays her. Lapis smirks. “Knew it”

“It’s just-“

“I’m too sexy?”

Peridot bats her off her resting position on her head. “You and your ego!” She smiles at the reflection. The two of them intertwined. “It reminds me of when I first realized I really liked you. It makes me feel sort of…so grateful that I wanna…cry…”

And suddenly she is being spun round, under the white glare of the bathroom light, and pulled up against Lapis. Her blue eyes burn with intensity. “I’m grateful for you, too“

-

Lapis wears the white dress. Peridot doesn’t _really_ mind.

** LAPIS **

Lapis isn’t used to being the center of attention, but that doesn’t mean that occasionally she doesn’t secretly enjoy it. Just a little bit.

The beach is surprisingly quiet (probably because no one who goes to university really wakes up before 1pm) and the only other notable humans around them are kids, far off in the distance, playing something probably close to beach ball. Lapis can hear them, which is reassuring considering her face is entirely covered with a blind.

“Can you see? At all?”

“Peridot, if you’re suggesting I can see through this thick-as-hell fabric then-“

“Just checking Lazuli! Calm yourself”

“I am calm!”

A shifting motion, and then suddenly, her blindfold is lifted and she has to squint (it’s sunny). And then the vision before her comes into view: her friends have set up a gazebo (aren’t those….a rich people thing?!) and a spread of all kinds of blue-coloured food. There are balloons and a cake and little tent chairs and someone has even placed a Lapis gemstone on the table.

Peridot’s face is next to swim into view. She’s biting her lip nervously, chewing on the edges of it. “Do you…do you like it?”

And Lapis has no words, so she hugs her as tight as she can and tells her through her body _I’m never going to let you go._

-

“And then Pearl was all like ‘yo I know we just slept together but it’s my best friends’ birthday and I need free labor”

Amy doubles over with laughter as Pearl indignantly swats at her purple hair, a dark red color swamping her cheeks. “I’m a dedicated friend, you should know that about me!”

Amy blinks up, smirking. “I do. It’s one of the reason’s you’re so fucking ho-“

Peridot clears her throat. Loudly. Lapis snorts into her hand. “Ames I do not need to hear this”

“Dot, as _you’re_ best friend it is my duty to tell you everything”

“Not if I don’t want it!!”

Lapis takes a moment to glance over at Pearl from the comfortable seat she’s found in Peridot’s lap. Her hair is freshly dyed (she can tell because the blonde is no longer shining in at the roots) and her smile finally reaches her eyes in a way it had failed to do in the last few months. _This_ she thinks _is what I wished for._

Everyone here (Amy, Pearl, Peridot, Bismuth, Kiki, Sadie, Jasper, Steven…even Sadie’s partner _Shep_ ) looks incredibly happy. Content. Warm. And Lapis feels her heart swell because she for once can think to herself that her feelings reflect those of the people surrounding her. It’s a comforting thought. She smiles.

-

Pearl and Amy are the second last to leave, with the Steven kid being weirdly insistent on talking to Peridot ‘alone’ for a minute. Which is fine by Lapis, because it means she can properly thank her friends.

Pearl knows what’s coming before it happens, but when they hug fiercely she still lets out a surprised squawk. “Lapis!!”

“ _Thank you._ Pearl, seriously, thank you thank you thank you-“

Pearl pulls Lapis off her and places her hands on the taller girls’ shoulders. “No, Lapis, I don’t want your thanks. I’m..”, she glances down, and for a brief second Lapis catches that old glimpse of sadness, but it is quickly washed away with another stronger emotion… _happiness_ , “really glad you’re happy. And happy birthday”

Amy hugs her too, just as tightly. “We’ll see you soon, yeah? Peri says we’ll do a game night?”

Lapis grins devilishly. “Only if you’re not a sore loser. I’m an ace at game night”

“Touché”

And then they are walking away and Lapis stands there on the beach, alone, peacefully. The sky is in the afternoon stretch of sun, golden rays spreading across blue mist and licking corners of fluffy white clouds. She feels like she’s in a dream. Or a Wes Anderson movie. Or both.

“So I need you to close your eyes again”

Lapis closes her eyes, obligingly, and gives out a small smile she saves just for her girlfriend. “What, haven’t finished surprising me, sweetheart?”

“ _Sweetheart?”_ The voice coming from behind her sounds incredibly flustered. Lapis is satisfied.

“It’s what you are! Unless you prefer baby, babe, _princess-_ “

“Okay okay Lap…I like it. And you can turn around now”

Lapis obeys, and when she turns around she finds Peridot standing like an angel in the afternoon sunlight holding a small, battered ukulele. The sun warms those blonde flyaways like a halo and her cheeks are adorably rosy. She looks just as beautiful as she always does, maybe more so, but her gentle smile and green eyes never stop making Lapis’ heart falter. It should terrify her, it _does_ terrify her, but it also excites her more than anything else has in her life.

They both follow each other’s motions. They sit down together. They face each other.

And Lapis doesn’t day anything, just watches, as Peridot picks up the ukulele and begins to play the notes to _their song._

_“A drink you spilt all over me, lover’s spit left on repeat..”_

Lapis is sure she has died and gone to heaven. Peridot _has_ to be an angel.

_“my mum and dad let me stay home, it drives you crazy getting old.”_

And she can’t stop herself from reaching over, putting a hand on Peridot’s knee, mingling her voice with hers until they are two flames melting into one smooth harmony.

_“We can talk it so good, we can make it so divine, we can talk it good how we wish we would all of the time”_

And as they sing, and blue eyes meet green, Lapis feels that swooping sensation that every romance book she’s ever read told her to expect. It fills her from the inside out. It carries across her entire body.

And she realizes that she is in love.

_Shit._

-

“So did you like it?”

“The song or the view?”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Which one do you think?”

“That’s a trick question, because I liked _both_ ”.

“I wish…”

Peridot places the ukulele on the sand and moves closer, until every inch of their bodies align. “Wish what?”

“I wish we could stay like this, here, forever”

“Forever is a long time, Lazuli”

And Lapis smiles. “Forever seems so short when I think about spending it with you”

-

That night, Lapis proves to her girlfriend that she is good at two things. Bumping into cute girls (first exhibit: her girlfriend) and drunkenly dancing to the Macarena.

And she is twenty-one years old. And she is _happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE ENDINGS!!
> 
> BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW TO WRITE THEM!!
> 
> Buuuut I really hope this one was at least nice to read and left you smiling! Honestly it took me so long to update bc I built up a block in my head about writing it and other stuff was going on and every time i started I needed up deleting it all so..I'm gonna just put this up before I change my mind again and literally never write it.
> 
> The one song mentioned in this chapter is not only the only song mentioned in this chapter but is also the title of the fic! That song is, of course, 'Ribs' by Lorde. Idk why but it is such a Lapidot song to me, I can't explain it but...my fic my rules ;) 
> 
> Anyways, I would just like to say thank you again. Genuinely, I love reading every singe one of your comments and they always make my day. I wrote this literally because i was bored so I'm really happy you guys love it so much. I do have an idea for a sequel that will be around 3 parts long I think, so if you're interested in that please subscribe! I have no idea when I'm going to write it but it'll be in the near future, so...yeah!
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day and I love you all very much. 
> 
> \- catthedoodlecatcher (inconsistent madwoman who has finally!! Finished!! A Fic!!) xx

**Author's Note:**

> She protecc, she attacc, but most importantly she want her volleyball gf to come bacc. 
> 
> Before you ask no I have not seen that volleyball anime I just really like Steven Universe and volleyball is a beach-y team sport buuuut maybe I should watch it?
> 
> Let me know what you guys think about this fic in the comments, I wanna hear your thoughts! Also, I know it's slightly rushed but I wrote it in like half an hour so if there's spelling mistakes...I'm sorry!!
> 
> Have a great day x


End file.
